Florida Man, I have a wife for you.
While she was driving drunk, on the way to an intersection where she would ultimately crash into a car and kill her passenger, a Florida Woman texted to her ex-boyfriend “Driving drunk woo!” (source)
I don’t do criminal law, so take this advice for what it is worth — but, if you are going to drive drunk, don’t also text “driving drunk woo” from your phone while doing it. Or don’t drive drunk. Or just don’t be fucking stupid.
But that’s a lot to ask, I know.