Bring Back Buck (versus Bell, that is)

In my opinion, Oliver Wendell Holmes was one of the greatest justices ever to grace the Supreme Court bench. His thirty years on the bench produced some of the most brilliant and influential opinions ever authored. It is a testament to his power that he essentially fathered modern First Amendment jurisprudence in a series of dissenting opinions that later grew to become the law of the land.

But, this post is not about Holmes’ free speech jurisprudence, it is about another example of his brilliance — his willingness to embrace forced sterilization of imbeciles. As he wrote in Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927).

We have seen more than once that the public welfare may call upon the best citizens for their lives. It would be strange if it could not call upon those who already sap the strength of the State for these lesser sacrifices, often not felt to be such by those concerned, in order to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind. The principle that sustains compulsory vaccination is broad enough to cover cutting the Fallopian tubes.

Three generations of imbeciles are enough.

In honor of Holmes’ brilliance, I am establishing the Buck Award — to be issued to persons and groups who display such stunning degrees of imbecility they are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind in order to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. In a better world, these people would be subject to forced sterilization.

Sleazy and greedy — we’ve got enough of that. Snip.

People thinking of suing U.S. Airways for “emotional distress” suffered in the Hudson River landing AND their lawyers need to be sterilized.

Had I been on that flight, the only thing I would sue U.S. Airways for would be the right to follow the pilot around until I had saved HIS life. If I’m ever on a plane and BOTH engines go out over a city filled with skyscrapers, and the pilot manages to set me down safely, I hope that someone comes and sterilizes me if I even consider saying the word “lawsuit.”

Human Lhasa Apsos

The Octuplets mom, who already had six kids and lived with her parents doesn’t need to be spawning any more. In an overpopulated world, more than two kids seems a little bit self-indulgent, but I’m not ready to be that harsh with parents who decide to go one beyond mere population replacement. However, I do think that after three, your fourth shouldn’t get you any more tax deductions nor should the fourth get free education.

Where to draw the line is always a tricky exercise… but when you have enough kids to field a basketball team with someone on the bench, you’ve spawned enough. When you have six kids that you can’t support on your own, and then you actually get medical treatment to have more, you have lost your right to reproduce.

And frankly, while we’re snipping, I want the doctors who gave this woman fertility treatments sterilized as well. Just because you “can” doesn’t mean you “should.”

Flight Attendants with attitudes

Deborah Crowley, the president of the Spirit Airlines “flight attendants” union doesn’t need to be spawning either. Spirit sold Budweiser ad space on the flight attendants’ aprons, and the union freaked out.

“Turning flight attendants into walking billboards is unacceptable,” said Deborah Crowley the president of the carrier’s FA union…“The proposed aprons diminish the primary and federally mandated role of flight attendants as safety professionals and our role as first responders onboard.”

Well now welcome to reality. Your job is to hand out drinks and peanuts. If someone chokes on a peanut, you give them CPR like any decent human being. If you did that job anywhere but in a plane, you’d be a waitress, and you’d be wearing a Bud Light apron. Chill the hell out. Did you know that in some countries, flight attendants are so damn pleasant that they are treated almost like celebrities? I flew Thai Airways a few times. Every time I fell asleep, I would wake up with an orchid on my chest. (And that was POST 9/11). Passengers, in turn, went out of their way to be nice to the stewardesses (they still call them that in Thailand). In the end, everyone was really happy.

I’m so damn sick of uptight American flight attendants. If you weren’t such self-important assholes, carrying the standard of the “post 9-11 world,” acting like every sheaf of paper is a potential atomic bomb, and if you fucking smiled once and a while, people would like you more and you wouldn’t care if you wore a frigging Pabst Blue Ribbon shirt.

If Italian soccer players NASCAR drivers can wear product ads at work, you and your $13.75 an hour ass can do it. Now shut up, get me a beer and a pillow, and learn how to smile.

Douchebaugh

Rush Limbaugh… but that was a no brainer.

Simpletonkins

Charles Claudio Simpkins – A Harvard Law student who, four months from graduation, stumbled out of a bar and into the back of a police car demanding in a profanity laden tirade that the officers give him a ride home because he was an intern for the District Attorney’s office. Some of his other greatest hits:

“This ain’t (expletive) because I work at the DA’s office. Don’t worry, I will beat this.”

“You (expletives) all lie. That’s why no one likes you (expletives).”

“Dan Conley is a (expletive), but he’ll get you (expletives).”

“If (I) ever get one of (you) on the stand, (I) will lie and cheat to hurt (you) (expletives).” (source)

The redactions were done by the Boston Herald, not me. Who ain’t (expletive) now, dipshit?

Anyone who supports “protect the children” legislation without reading it.

Everyone who voted for the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act needs to go under the knife. It looks like Ron Paul will be the only member of the House of Representatives with the ability to sire.