Now I am convinced that PETA must be the most well-organized practical joke in the world. They are suing Sea World for violating the 13th Amendment. The theory? Keeping killer whales in captivity is slavery. (source)
If this files, I’m bringing a THIRD Amendment complaint against the U.S. Government. After all, they quarter troops in the homes of squirrels, bears, and owls every time they set up camp in the woods. Ordinances that tell worthless trash fuckheads that their dogs need to shut the fuck up? That there must be a violation of the dog’s First Amendment rights. PETA’s campaign to spay and neuter pets? If animals have constitutional rights, then that campaign starts sounding an awful lot like something that isn’t exactly popular. Of course, maybe the converse would be true — and if we can spay dogs and cats, we ought to be able to spay and neuter the non productive members of society — I’m cool with that.
You ever see those “protect your right to arm bears” bumper stickers? They aren’t just ironic, bears would have Second Amendment rights — and so would monkeys!
Disclaimer, I do not support monkeys having weapons. Despite what Popehat has said (libelously I might add) about me — that I represent both sides in the great ape war — I am firmly with my human brethren.