Bring Back Buck (versus Bell, that is)

In my opinion, Oliver Wendell Holmes was one of the greatest justices ever to grace the Supreme Court bench. His thirty years on the bench produced some of the most brilliant and influential opinions ever authored. It is a testament to his power that he essentially fathered modern First Amendment jurisprudence in a series of dissenting opinions that later grew to become the law of the land.

But, this post is not about Holmes’ free speech jurisprudence, it is about another example of his brilliance — his willingness to embrace forced sterilization of imbeciles. As he wrote in Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927).

We have seen more than once that the public welfare may call upon the best citizens for their lives. It would be strange if it could not call upon those who already sap the strength of the State for these lesser sacrifices, often not felt to be such by those concerned, in order to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind. The principle that sustains compulsory vaccination is broad enough to cover cutting the Fallopian tubes.

Three generations of imbeciles are enough.

In honor of Holmes’ brilliance, I am establishing the Buck Award — to be issued to persons and groups who display such stunning degrees of imbecility they are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind in order to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. In a better world, these people would be subject to forced sterilization.

Sleazy and greedy — we’ve got enough of that. Snip.

People thinking of suing U.S. Airways for “emotional distress” suffered in the Hudson River landing AND their lawyers need to be sterilized.

Had I been on that flight, the only thing I would sue U.S. Airways for would be the right to follow the pilot around until I had saved HIS life. If I’m ever on a plane and BOTH engines go out over a city filled with skyscrapers, and the pilot manages to set me down safely, I hope that someone comes and sterilizes me if I even consider saying the word “lawsuit.”

Human Lhasa Apsos

The Octuplets mom, who already had six kids and lived with her parents doesn’t need to be spawning any more. In an overpopulated world, more than two kids seems a little bit self-indulgent, but I’m not ready to be that harsh with parents who decide to go one beyond mere population replacement. However, I do think that after three, your fourth shouldn’t get you any more tax deductions nor should the fourth get free education.

Where to draw the line is always a tricky exercise… but when you have enough kids to field a basketball team with someone on the bench, you’ve spawned enough. When you have six kids that you can’t support on your own, and then you actually get medical treatment to have more, you have lost your right to reproduce.

And frankly, while we’re snipping, I want the doctors who gave this woman fertility treatments sterilized as well. Just because you “can” doesn’t mean you “should.”

Flight Attendants with attitudes

Deborah Crowley, the president of the Spirit Airlines “flight attendants” union doesn’t need to be spawning either. Spirit sold Budweiser ad space on the flight attendants’ aprons, and the union freaked out.

“Turning flight attendants into walking billboards is unacceptable,” said Deborah Crowley the president of the carrier’s FA union…“The proposed aprons diminish the primary and federally mandated role of flight attendants as safety professionals and our role as first responders onboard.”

Well now welcome to reality. Your job is to hand out drinks and peanuts. If someone chokes on a peanut, you give them CPR like any decent human being. If you did that job anywhere but in a plane, you’d be a waitress, and you’d be wearing a Bud Light apron. Chill the hell out. Did you know that in some countries, flight attendants are so damn pleasant that they are treated almost like celebrities? I flew Thai Airways a few times. Every time I fell asleep, I would wake up with an orchid on my chest. (And that was POST 9/11). Passengers, in turn, went out of their way to be nice to the stewardesses (they still call them that in Thailand). In the end, everyone was really happy.

I’m so damn sick of uptight American flight attendants. If you weren’t such self-important assholes, carrying the standard of the “post 9-11 world,” acting like every sheaf of paper is a potential atomic bomb, and if you fucking smiled once and a while, people would like you more and you wouldn’t care if you wore a frigging Pabst Blue Ribbon shirt.

If Italian soccer players NASCAR drivers can wear product ads at work, you and your $13.75 an hour ass can do it. Now shut up, get me a beer and a pillow, and learn how to smile.


Rush Limbaugh… but that was a no brainer.


Charles Claudio Simpkins – A Harvard Law student who, four months from graduation, stumbled out of a bar and into the back of a police car demanding in a profanity laden tirade that the officers give him a ride home because he was an intern for the District Attorney’s office. Some of his other greatest hits:

“This ain’t (expletive) because I work at the DA’s office. Don’t worry, I will beat this.”

“You (expletives) all lie. That’s why no one likes you (expletives).”

“Dan Conley is a (expletive), but he’ll get you (expletives).”

“If (I) ever get one of (you) on the stand, (I) will lie and cheat to hurt (you) (expletives).” (source)

The redactions were done by the Boston Herald, not me. Who ain’t (expletive) now, dipshit?

Anyone who supports “protect the children” legislation without reading it.

Everyone who voted for the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act needs to go under the knife. It looks like Ron Paul will be the only member of the House of Representatives with the ability to sire.

17 Responses to Bring Back Buck (versus Bell, that is)

  1. […] Interesting Rant: The Legal Satyricon has a list of people that shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce. […]

  2. I am nominating a clear choice for this award, who was somehow left off this list. . . Casey Anthony

  3. coffee says:

    it’s pretty amazing that all eight of those babies survived the birthing process

  4. Tatiana says:

    Once a wanted number of kids have been created by man and woman, man should get snipped. It’s smart, responsible and the best birth control protection out there. Why don’t more men take more prominent responsibility in their part of reproduction? Just a thought. I’m with you on the 16 kid thing though, Marc.

  5. Alter Ego says:

    I liked the post. However, re: Justice Holmes’ forced sterilization comments: Couldn’t it be argued that those who want to give away our individual freedom and hamstring small businesses by supporting the largest move toward Socialism and government control over our lives and our livelihoods are “feeble minded” or are “mental defectives?” Now, before you get your back hairs all ruffled (though I agree with the above statement) I’m just trying to point out what seems like an inconsistency in the general tone of your posts. Though you certainly point out stupid behavior, it is usually that of the zealot arguing for Creationism or the idiot who says he respects the Constitution but doesn’t. I’m not saying I disagree with Justice Holmes only that I thought you would. It doesn’t seem to fit with your laissez-faire social attitudes (which I share) and your apparent need for oppressive control over your finances (actually, the redistributed finances of others) or what kind of light bulbs you use. Why can’t the whole deal be laissez-faire? No, I’m not taking myself too seriously and I got the funny. I just want to be on the committee that decides who’s feeble so I can fix some things ’round these parts…starting with reducing the size of the Federal government. That’s sure to snare a lot of those imbeciles we need to get rid of.

  6. Couldn’t it be argued that those who want to give away our individual freedom and hamstring small businesses by supporting the largest move toward Socialism and government control over our lives and our livelihoods are “feeble minded” or are “mental defectives?”

    No, these measures are political and economic decisions that may be unwise (or not, we have yet to discover how the bailout will play out), but simply making a bad decision is not enough to warrant forced sterilization.

    But I am definitely not a complete laissez-faire guy. I am when it comes to almost all social issues, with the exception of reproductive rights. (I think that we have far too many reproductive rights). However, when it comes to economics, I’m willing to experiment with everything except Soviet/Maoist style complete socialism and Russian/USA 1920s unregulated capitalism.

    You’re right though — it is a bit of an anomaly that I’m so libertarian-minded think that we should have the right to put hard core pornography on a drive-in movie screen across the street from a church, yet I would support forced sterilization of imbeciles.

    I also think you’re right that my beloved idea of forced sterilization would likely be un-workable since ultimately it will likely be imbeciles themselves who will decide who gets sterilized. But, to make my line a little clearer, I wouldn’t sterilize Jack Thompson, and realistically of the list above, I’d probably only really vote to sterilize the octuplet mom.

  7. Tatiana,

    I’m not sure the guy getting snipped is necessarily the right way to go. I’ve researched it, and it seems that there are a lot of unhappy post-snip men out there who completely lose the ability to have an orgasm after a vasectomy. If Mrs. Randazza and I decide we’ve had enough, and someone is visiting the doctor, it aint gonna be me.

  8. Alter Ego says:

    BTW Rush said he wants Obama’s socialist policies to fail so, by extension, he wants Obama to fail. He’s not allowed to say that, however, because of the historic nature of this Presidency. Well, what about the historic nature of the single greatest increase in the Federal Government’s power over our lives…ever? As Juan Williams of NPR wrote, “If his presidency is to represent the full power of the idea that black Americans are just like everyone else — fully human and fully capable of intellect, courage and patriotism — then Barack Obama has to be subject to the same rough and tumble of political criticism experienced by his predecessors. To treat the first black president as if he is a fragile flower is certain to hobble him.” When the same histrionics were used to castigate Bush the man and, by extension, his policies (the opposite of Rush’s tactic), no one seemed to mind it then. Rush is a businessman and he knew it would get people talking. Oh, and I believe that, though, as reported, he wasn’t invited to the Obama’s dinner, he attended an intimate lunch with the outgoing President that day. Perhaps a waste of time, some might say, when he should’ve been building bridges with the new power (which didn’t invite him?). Maybe he doesn’t want to help build bridges to anti Capitalistic, anti freedom policies. Sorry. I had some stuff pent up. If I post in the future, I’ll attempt to be more brief.

  9. Ari says:

    That’s always been my favorite Holmes quote ever.

  10. Venkat says:

    Refreshing honesty for a Friday!

  11. Alter Ego,

    No need to be brief. Say what you need/want to say. The bandwidth is free. :)

  12. Tatiana says:

    I was speaking with a tongue-in-cheek tone resting on the idea it *might* be a good alterative. Now, I did not know men could loose their ability to obtain orgasm. Clearly that’s a risk not too many men would be willing to take and those I know who have done it never mentioned that. News to me and it seems, important news as well. I’ll let my husband know before he goes under the knife! lol

  13. Yes! Tell him to research that!!! It isn’t common, but it is common enough that if you google it, you’ll find that it is way too common for comfort.

    I sense an article by Tatiana on this subject soon. :)

  14. […] this dumbass and her cat into a wood chipper. Or, more realistically, I think that a little Buck v. Bell is in order — both for the girlfriend and for the cops who arrested […]

  15. […] this dumbass and her cat into a wood chipper. Or, more realistically, I think that a little Buck v. Bell is in order — both for the girlfriend and for the cops who arrested the guy for his […]

  16. […] Monica Parham doesn’t understand how to be a parent, then perhaps the right remedy is to bring back Buck v. Bell and sterilize her moronic ass, and to let her kids eat all the junk food they want so that they […]

  17. […] If this files, I’m bringing a THIRD Amendment complaint against the U.S. Government. After all, they quarter troops in the homes of squirrels, bears, and owls every time they set up camp in the woods. Ordinances that tell worthless trash fuckheads that their dogs need to shut the fuck up? That there must be a violation of the dog’s First Amendment rights. PETA’s campaign to spay and neuter pets? If animals have constitutional rights, then that campaign starts sounding an awful lot like something that isn’t exactly popular. Of course, maybe the converse would be true — and if we can spay dogs and cats, we ought to be able to spay and neuter the non productive members of society — I’m cool with that. […]

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: