RLG Seeks 0-2 Year Associate (Position Filled)

UPDATE: The position has been filled. However, if it is your dream to do this kind of work, I may know of a good firm in Colorado looking for someone.

Randazza Legal Group is looking for an associate attorney with 0-2 years of experience.

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about practicing in the areas of First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law. I greatly prefer that the candidate be admitted to the bar, somewhere already, but the successful applicant must be ready, willing, and able to take the Florida or Nevada bars. Position most likely based in Las Vegas, but Miami is a possibility. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality. You must have a healthy relationship with porn. That means you must not be bothered by it, but if you’re all “oh, goody, porn!” then you’re an idiot who will be disbarred with a coke problem before you become profitable. If you have not yet seen The People vs. Larry Flynt, then don’t apply until you see it. If you don’t already know New York Times v. Sullivan before the interview, you’re not going to get the job. I can teach you the rest.

Did you go to a third, or even fourth tier law school? That’s ok. You’ve got the same shot as some asshole who went to Georgetown. (Assholes from Georgetown are welcome, but will get no preference) The only time your alma mater will matter is if you went to Cooley, Touro, University of St. Thomas (MN), Liberty, Regent, or Ave Maria. Graduates of those places need not apply – not even to be the janitor. If you do not know why, then you’re not the right candidate.

What’s it pay? Not less than you’ll make everywhere else, but you’re not going new car shopping with your signing bonus. (Because there isn’t one). I can assure you that if you are selected, you could have made more money elsewhere. We do a lot of pro bono work, and it costs us. That said, if you make me money, then you’ll get more than a “thank you” and a pat on the head. The bennies aren’t too bad. You’ll get to work on cool stuff. We actually make a living doing First Amendment law and international intellectual property work. The firm does a six week retreat in Hawaii every year, all expenses paid. (That is a bald-faced lie. We do no such thing.)

Don’t like swear words? Good. I’m trying to work on that. Maybe you will be a positive influence on me. Speaking of which, everyone else at the place is a positive influence on me, so you’ll probably like them a lot — unless your attention to detail sucks. If that’s the case, then they will eat you alive before I get a chance to fire you.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only. I don’t have time for some entry-level attorney who thinks that his/her life is interesting enough that they can’t tell me all of the relevant facts on a single page. If it is two pages, the second page better tell me that you wrote The Big Lebowski or you won a Nobel Prize. (And if that’s the case, it belongs on the first page).

If you have any questions that I haven’t answered already, then you’re not the right candidate. Don’t know where to send a resume? Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.