Dispatches and Link Snatches

Zac's Blog Loot!

Editorial and Comment by Zac “Tzantziki” Papantoniou and Marc J. Randazza (the “J” is for “Jefe de Los Satyriconistas”)

Breaking News: Legal Satyricon Award for “Ass-Hat of the Week” Has Been Amended to Include . . .

. . . Lucie J. Kim! Thanks go to Seth, over at QuizLaw, for alerting us to Ms. Kim’s grandiose display of ass-hattery, due solely for the filing of one of the most ridiculous lawsuits since . . . this one. How ridiculous of a suit did Ms. Kim file, you ask? Well, she filed a class action lawsuit against Miley Cyrus (another ass-hat), claiming that Cyrus mocked Asians in a recent photo by slanting her [Cyrus’s] eyes; for this, Kim is seeking $4 billion in damages.

'Yay! I hit the racism jackpot!' - Lucie Kim.

Ms. Kim has way too much time on her hands, and not enough common sense to realize how much of an ass she is making of herself. For her efforts in furthering legal-idiocy, Lucie J. Kim is a Legal Satyricon “Co-Ass-Hat of the Week.” She can pick up her award, a free lesson on “How Not to Disgrace the First Amendment” at any time, all she has to do is send in an email and claim her prize.

The award includes all she can drink

The Blind Squirrel Award Goes To….

Ken at Popehat has some unlikely props for the Beckettistas. It looks like they are sticking up for Atheists for once.

Epic Lulz: Asinine Video Game Law Pwned By the 9th Circuit

Somewhere, Jack Thompson is crying . . .

Ya, ve shouldn't have kids playing violent video games. Now vere ist my check for za last Terminator movie royalties?

Being that our very own Satyriconista, Christopher Harbin, is working on a detailed post on the matter, we pick up some appetizers from the First Amendment’s uber pwnage of a California violent video game law from Norm Kent and Jon Katz. The law attempted to mandate an additional labeling requirement on “violent” video games, along with, making the act of selling or renting the aforementioned “violent” games to minors, illegal. The idiotic law was struck down by the 9th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals for being (drum roll please) . . . unconstitutional!

When will lawmakers learn that just because “they” don’t like something, it doesn’t give them (or anyone else for that matter) the right/ability to piss all over the freedoms and rights guaranteed to us by the Constitution?! Thankfully until “they” do learn, the First Amendment will be there, waiting in the wings like a diligent hero, standing strong in stark contrast to the knee-jerk idiocy of the common government lawmaker . . . hip, hip, hooray!

Maintaining Your Health During the Battle of a Trial

Props to Jon Katz, at “The Underdog Blog,” who always gives us the angles that nobody else thinks of. This week, Jon tells us how attorneys can better maintain their physical and mental health during the battle royale, better known as a legal trial.

Many attorneys, both newly sworn in and those who’ve been around the block a few times, underestimate the rigorous toll a trial can take on ones physical and mental well-being. Jon shares some personal tips on how to maintain a “trial ready” body and mind, in his post, “How to stay healthy during trial battle?”

Recent Poll Shows That President Obama Is Capable of Defeating Terrorism and . . .

. . . Jesus? That’s right! HT to Johnny Peepers, at the blog, “Dillsnap Cogitations” for filling us in on a recent Harris Interactive Poll pitting the two men, whose middle names both coincidentally start with the letter “H”, in a battle for America’s #1 Hero; and President Obama emerged on top of Christianity’s lord and savior!

For more on the story, check out Johnny P’s post, President Obama Defeats Jesus as America’s #1 Hero.

Was This Sherriff’s Department Investigation Really Worth Taxpayer Dollars?

Mark Draughn, at “Windy Pundit,” rightfully calls attention to a ridiculous South Carolina Sherriff’s investigation into Michael Phelps’ alleged pot smoking incident. Thankfully, Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott has stated that he is not going to charge swimmer Michael Phelps (with what, I have no freaking clue) after a photo of the 14-time gold medalist showed him smoking from a “marijuana pipe”. Good, now the Richland County Sherriff’s Department can work on solving real crimes, rather than investigating photographs of someone allegedly smoking something from an alleged

Well, except for Kellogg's

“marijuana pipe” (i.e. a device commonly referred to on “the streets” as a “bong” . . . I mean, really, a “marijuana pipe?” That’s just being a little “loose” on the description of such an accoutrement; everyone knows that stoners can go all “MacGyver” on any old thing lying around their bean-bag chairs, and fashion a “marijuana pipe” in 2 min. flat out of a couple of “Lincoln Logs”, 7 inches of yarn, an eye-dropper and an empty 2 liter bottle of cola).

In related news: No Kellogg’s Munchies

Speaking of Michael Phelps. Phelps picked up a bong, so Kelloggs dropped him. NORML ups the ante by telling its members to…. umm…. oh, yeah, don’t chow down on Kellogg’s products when you’ve got the munchies and you’re watching Super Troopers for the 85th time. For some reason, I don’t think this is going to have much of an effect. When you’ve watched someone with mega munchies eat chipotle peppers covered in peanut butter, you realize that a man with the munchies isn’t about to put down the Corn Flakes over some dude who swims for a living.