Pull My Peninsula: Polk County, Flori-duh, at it Again. (Please buy an SUV)

Pull my peninsula

You know how most of the country groans at the fact that Flori-duh is part of the United States? Well, Polk County is Flori-duh’s Florida.

The latest brilliance to come out of Inbred Peckerwood Central Polk County is the tale of (turn on your irony meter), Johnathan Locke, Jr., age 15. Mr. Locke has been accused of passing gas on the school bus, and for that mere accusation he was barred from riding the bus for three days. (source)

Locke denies that he dealt it.

Trouble for Locke started Monday afternoon after school when a student sitting next to him started making [fart] noises with his mouth.

Then, students smelled a pungent aroma.

“I started laughing,” Locke said. “It was a bad smell.”

On Tuesday when Locke walked onto the bus, the bus driver handed him the suspension form.

Locke said he chuckled.

“I asked, ‘What is this for?'”

The bus driver ordered Locke off the bus.

Locke exited the bus, then called his father for a ride home. (source)

If you are the kind of person who freaks out about global warming, I ask you to consider whether the phenomenon might be a good thing. You see, if the global temperature rises a few degrees, then the sea levels will rise a few feet. You know what that means? Flori-duh will be swallowed up by the mighty Atlantic. Sure, it will suck to see South Beach fall beneath the waves, I’m not sure where we’ll launch our rockets from, and it will be disastrous for my property values.

Nevertheless, the loss of Flori-duh’s treasures will be worth it — because Polk County, Flori-duh will also cease to exist. If being a moron, inbred, and a completely worthless piece of peckerwood trash, were an Olympic event, Polk County, Flori-duh would bring home the Gold.

So please, buy a Hummer and drive it everywhere. Right now, people in Polk County are reproducing. Only you can stop global idiocracy.

Jonathan Locke Jr.'s suspension form (click to enlarge)