Charles Grassley Clarifies His Position

The Straight Talk Express has been taken over by Chuck Grassley

So Charles Grassley backed off from his hyperbolic remarks that the AIG executives should kill themselves. Apparently some hypersensitive queefs (no, that isn’t a typo) thought he meant it literally.

He clarified Tuesday on FOX News that he was referring more to the practice of Japanese business leaders to take responsibility for failing companies. (source)

Okay, now that we’ve heard from the “no shit” department, wanna hear his clarification?

“From my standpoint, it’s irresponsible for corporations to give bonuses at this time when they’re sucking the tit of the taxpayer,” Grassley explained. (source)

Dorsia Dhapmng, our Washington Bureau Chief, tracked down Benjamin Dover, Grassley’s head press liason as he left work today. As we have little in the way of journalistic scruples, Dorsia flashed her thong and got Dover to follow her to Tunnicliff’s Tavern on Capitol Hill, where 16 shots of Don Julio later, Dover was ready to talk about anything. While Dover was puking in the bathroom, Dorsia rifled through Ben’s briefcase and found a draft of the press statement that Grassley intends to issue tomorrow morning.

I regret that my statement may have been misunderstood, and may have been seen as an inappropriate sexual reference by a few uptight nitwits. Allow me to clarify my statement. It fucking sucks for these shitheads who fucked up the fucking economy to fuck us in the ass as they lube us up with our own money. Do I make myself fucking clear now?

Good job, Dorsia!