Bikinis and All Those Nuts and Bolts

Tatiana Von Tauber

By Tatiana von Tauber

Ever wonder what a plumber is thinking about when beneath a woman’s sink?  Put her in a bikini and I bet he’ll be thinking of how to loosen the pipes with a whole lot of pep in his step…

New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis. (source)

Now that we can peer into the brain and map the privacy of thoughts, take a guess at how many males are going to go to the doghouse for that brilliant info!

Just what kind of tools and intentions are we talking about here however?  Well men do have an intimate relationship with their penis.  Besides it having a name, it’s fondled, stroked, played with, twirled and tucked.  I won’t go further.  Of course this new research is no surprise but how spooky is it that now science can back up the fact that men think with their dicks? 

I’m sorry.  Were the tools more like hammer and screwdriver where subconsciously a male thinks of ways to build a fertile bikini clad woman a house made out of coconuts because he intends to procreate and stick around to care for the kids? Leave it to evolution to muster up the grand illusion necessary for species survival:  sexual pleasure in exchange for procreation.   And thus, we have the battle of the sexes.

I like Mother Nature’s insistence and demand that sexuality is a must-be-so-get-the-fuck-over-it aspect of life. That be the case, and it’s looking mighty strong that sex is here to stay: Celebrate. Bikinis invite celebration of the female body, assuming the body in it causes the handyman’s brain areas to shine. To me it’s a sign of a healthy man and woman, both still interested enough to look, to have fun with what usually is only momentary fantasy.  What causes the deep-seated insecurity that gives rise to the sick and twisted thought process shared by the Taliban, sex-negative Christians, and sex-negative second-wave feminists — this theory that such momentary fantasy is somehow “harmful?”

Women go out of their way to be more beautiful, thinner, more sexually pleasing yes, to their preferred mating targets, but also to themselves. Boob jobs, liposuction,  Botox, make-up, Brazilian wax, lingerie, high heels, garters, and so on.  Women seek attention from men and men respond.  How far women allow men to go in response is the debatable factor between how men and women treat each other. 

Wearing bikinis is a conscious or unconscious call for attention to our bodies and sexuality.  It’s as skimpy as women are allowed to go while being publically acknowledged as moral, decent and accepted — or at least while being left alone by the police. French fashion historian Olivier Saillard argued  “the power of women, and not the power of fashion” and “the emancipation of swimwear has always been linked to the emancipation of women”. Bikinis are the look at me peacock tails,  “a mating call”, if you will and they’ll always be in fashion.

The next time you see a second-waver sneering at the thought of a man ogling a scantily clad woman, consider that the man has a biological and evolutionary reason for doing so. In fact, mere ogling is worthy of respect when one considers the physiological and evolutionary forces taking hold of the poor guy’s instincts. And the visual display from the female ignites the instincts in the male, and like so many birds we engage in our complex mating dance of lust, attraction, and love.

Since most countries do not allow women to be on a public beach naked, thus displaying all they may have to biologically offer, the bikini it is.  Swimming with clothes on is less preferable.  But what of my own evolutionary instincts? When I go to the beach,  no way in hell do I check out hot guys without a shirt on.  I wouldn’t want to place myself in a similar category as men place themselves.  Imagine a woman sexually objectifying a man? Horrid, I say.  Absolutely horrid.