Dust storms in Nevada

May 13, 2015

There is a huge dust storm out here right now. It blew sand right in my eye.

In unrelated news, this guy’s dad died when he was 16. He just got a birthday card from his dad for his 30th birthday. (source)

Fucking dust storms.

(Position Filled) Seeking an Associate

May 12, 2015

As of May 22, 2015, this position has been filled. BUT, we are always willing to hear from new talent. If you think you can cut it, send us a resume.

Randazza Legal Group is looking for an associate attorney with 1-5 years of experience, but others will be considered.

We are growing, again.

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about practicing in the areas of First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law (but we do some other stuff too). I greatly prefer that the candidate be admitted to the bar, somewhere already, but the successful applicant must be ready, willing, and able to take the Nevada bar. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas. If you’re already licensed in Florida, that might be good too – but not necessary.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality. You must have a healthy relationship with porn. That means you must not be bothered by it, but if you’re all “oh, goody, porn!” then you’re an idiot who will be disbarred with a coke problem before you become profitable. If you have not yet seen The People vs. Larry Flynt, then don’t apply until you see it. If you don’t already know New York Times v. Sullivan before the interview, you’re not going to get the job. I can teach you the rest.

Did you go to a third, or even fourth tier law school? That’s ok. You’ve got the same shot as some asshole who went to Georgetown. (Assholes from Georgetown are welcome, but will get no preference) The only time your alma mater will matter is if you went to Cooley, Touro, University of St. Thomas (MN), Liberty, Regent, or Ave Maria. Graduates of those places need not apply – not even to be the janitor. If you do not know why, then you’re not the right candidate.

What’s it pay? Not less than you’ll make everywhere else, but you’re not going new car shopping with your signing bonus. (Because there isn’t one). I can assure you that if you are selected, you could have made more money elsewhere. We do a lot of pro bono work, and it costs us. That said, if you make me money, then you’ll get more than a “thank you” and a pat on the head. The bennies aren’t too bad. You’ll get to work on cool stuff. We actually make a living doing First Amendment law and international intellectual property work. The firm does a six week retreat in Hawaii every year, all expenses paid. (That is a bald-faced lie. We do no such thing.)

Don’t like swear words? Good. I’m trying to work on that. Maybe you will be a positive influence on me. Speaking of which, everyone else at the place is a positive influence on me, so you’ll probably like them a lot — unless your attention to detail sucks. If that’s the case, then they will eat you alive before I get a chance to fire you.

Let me give you some idea what will make you a flop here — if you think that calling someone and leaving a message discharges your duty, that won’t work. If you don’t take ownership of your tasks and your mistakes, you’re screwed. If you fuck up, and you say “mistakes were made” instead of “I made mistakes” you’ll get fired. I don’t have time for millennial entitlement syndrome or first year lawyers who think I should hire them because they think they have rainmaking ability (you fucking don’t, unless your dad is the CEO of a potential client). You’re coming here to work — not all that much. I want 1600 billable hours a year, which really ain’t shit. Too much for you? Awww, poor little snowflake.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. (Subject line RLGASSOC) If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only. I don’t have time for some entry-level attorney who thinks that his/her life is interesting enough that they can’t tell me all of the relevant facts on a single page. If it is two pages, the second page better tell me that you wrote The Big Lebowski or you won a Nobel Prize. (And if that’s the case, it belongs on the first page).

If you have any questions that I haven’t answered already, then you’re not the right candidate. Don’t know where to send a resume? Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.

CNN: Ananta Bijoy Das, Bangladeshi Blogger Murdered – We Are Das

May 12, 2015

Bangladeshi blogger Ananta Bijoy Das was murdered today. Do not let him die in vain.

My CNN Column explains.

Faith Healer responds to critic with — a lawsuit.

May 11, 2015

The complaint is here (source)

Since I am counsel for the defendant on this case, for now, I will limit my comments and just point you toward other journalism on the case:

TechDirt: Faith Healer Adam Miller Sues Over Critical YouTube Video, Guaranteeing It Tons Of Attention (source)

Wonkette: Atheist Lady Sued For Calling Fraud Faith Healer A Fraud
Read more at http://wonkette.com/585027/atheist-lady-sued-for-calling-fraud-faith-healer-a-fraud#eWsJ00tsRFoQChbS.99 (source)

Daily Dot: Faith healer suing atheist vlogger after being called a ‘swindler’ (source)

Salon: Atheist trans blogger exposes “snake-oil salesman” faith healer and gets slammed with lawsuit (source)

RawStory: Faith healer sues atheist video blogger for using science to expose him on YouTube as a ‘swindler’ (source)

Overlawyered: Faith healer sues over critical YouTube video (source)

Shame on America

May 10, 2015

“Promise me you’ll protect me from the Americans” – Omar Khadr, captured at 15 years old and sent into “detention” at Guantanamo Bay for 13 years of confinement and torture. (source)

In World War II, soldiers begged to be captured by the Americans. Look at what Bush turned us into. At least Obama closed Guantanamo Bay, like he promised he would during his campaign. I was very proud that day, as we began to regain our honor.

(covers microphone)

Oh, wait, lets break for a commercial….

Job Posting – Paralegal / Legal Secretary

May 10, 2015

Randazza Legal Group is growing – and we need another paralegal / legal secretary.

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about working for a firm that does First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality.

Experience as a paralegal is helpful, but not required. College helps, but is not necessary. Although, if you did go to college and you majored in English or Journalism, please step this way, past the velvet rope, and sit down. You’re going to the VIP lounge of candidates. You know why I like English/Journalism majors? Because usually they can compose a coherent sentence, or guess what word I wrote in some edits that are in my terrible, terrible penmanship.

If you can’t spell or notice typos, you’re not going to last more than a week. Attention to detail really matters. I stop reading when I see the first typo in a letter, and then I tell you to do it again. If you get the letter handed back to you three times, you get a prize! A new job. Somewhere else. I don’t care where. Your job is to make mine easier, not harder.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only.

If you do not know where to send a resume, that’s too bad. Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.

NOTE: Every time I post a job like this, I get attorneys and recent law grads applying too. I’ll consider JDs for the position, but only if you’re prepared to make a 1-2 year commitment to staying in the support staff ranks. Also, if you’re a JD who thinks “I’m a JD, lah dee freakin dah, I can do a paralegal’s job drunk ” then you’re an idiot. A paralegal’s job is way harder than a first year associate’s job.

Republican Presidential Hopeful – “Checks and Balances are Outdated”

May 10, 2015

Well, I can’t really tell what Ben Carson said, because the Associated Press seems to hire its “writers” from the reject pile at Thomas Coolely School of Law. But… the AP reports:

Carson said Sunday “we need to discuss” the court’s long-held power to review laws passed by Congress. That authority was established in the 1803 landmark case Marbury v. Madison. (source)

Yeah, I mean, fuck having three branches of government.

Of course, given the statist slant from the current court, its not as if it has been too much of a check on anything, but lets at least keep up the façade, please?


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