(Position Filled) Seeking an Associate

As of May 22, 2015, this position has been filled. BUT, we are always willing to hear from new talent. If you think you can cut it, send us a resume.

Randazza Legal Group is looking for an associate attorney with 1-5 years of experience, but others will be considered.

We are growing, again.

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about practicing in the areas of First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law (but we do some other stuff too). I greatly prefer that the candidate be admitted to the bar, somewhere already, but the successful applicant must be ready, willing, and able to take the Nevada bar. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas. If you’re already licensed in Florida, that might be good too – but not necessary.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality. You must have a healthy relationship with porn. That means you must not be bothered by it, but if you’re all “oh, goody, porn!” then you’re an idiot who will be disbarred with a coke problem before you become profitable. If you have not yet seen The People vs. Larry Flynt, then don’t apply until you see it. If you don’t already know New York Times v. Sullivan before the interview, you’re not going to get the job. I can teach you the rest.

Did you go to a third, or even fourth tier law school? That’s ok. You’ve got the same shot as some asshole who went to Georgetown. (Assholes from Georgetown are welcome, but will get no preference) The only time your alma mater will matter is if you went to Cooley, Touro, University of St. Thomas (MN), Liberty, Regent, or Ave Maria. Graduates of those places need not apply – not even to be the janitor. If you do not know why, then you’re not the right candidate.

What’s it pay? Not less than you’ll make everywhere else, but you’re not going new car shopping with your signing bonus. (Because there isn’t one). I can assure you that if you are selected, you could have made more money elsewhere. We do a lot of pro bono work, and it costs us. That said, if you make me money, then you’ll get more than a “thank you” and a pat on the head. The bennies aren’t too bad. You’ll get to work on cool stuff. We actually make a living doing First Amendment law and international intellectual property work. The firm does a six week retreat in Hawaii every year, all expenses paid. (That is a bald-faced lie. We do no such thing.)

Don’t like swear words? Good. I’m trying to work on that. Maybe you will be a positive influence on me. Speaking of which, everyone else at the place is a positive influence on me, so you’ll probably like them a lot — unless your attention to detail sucks. If that’s the case, then they will eat you alive before I get a chance to fire you.

Let me give you some idea what will make you a flop here — if you think that calling someone and leaving a message discharges your duty, that won’t work. If you don’t take ownership of your tasks and your mistakes, you’re screwed. If you fuck up, and you say “mistakes were made” instead of “I made mistakes” you’ll get fired. I don’t have time for millennial entitlement syndrome or first year lawyers who think I should hire them because they think they have rainmaking ability (you fucking don’t, unless your dad is the CEO of a potential client). You’re coming here to work — not all that much. I want 1600 billable hours a year, which really ain’t shit. Too much for you? Awww, poor little snowflake.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. (Subject line RLGASSOC) If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only. I don’t have time for some entry-level attorney who thinks that his/her life is interesting enough that they can’t tell me all of the relevant facts on a single page. If it is two pages, the second page better tell me that you wrote The Big Lebowski or you won a Nobel Prize. (And if that’s the case, it belongs on the first page).

If you have any questions that I haven’t answered already, then you’re not the right candidate. Don’t know where to send a resume? Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.

12 Responses to (Position Filled) Seeking an Associate

  1. dan says:

    It`s awesome that you are growing (again)!

  2. Nick says:

    Why can’t all places post jobs with this sort of flare?

    • dan says:

      Since my ties to the region just got drastically reduced with my mom dying and my daughters moving away I may take a serious run at this position. I need a good change in my life.

  3. evrenseven says:

    although this is one of maybe two jobs I would leave the PTO for… Alas, it shall not be.

  4. I feel like that thing about swear words should have been included in the Paralegal posting…

    Not that I’d mind. I’d probably cause regression (I swear, like, a lot).

  5. Damn lawyer says:

    Va. lawyer with 25 years of experience in capital defense, corporate and IP work. Hate Las Vegas. I love my verdant farm and despise hot, dry climes. If I didn’t have a wife, two kids and a farm I would be all over this in a heartbeat. Good luck, and I hope you can find an associate who is not an entitled asshole, like most of the kids I hired seemed to be.

  6. kia says:

    this job post rules more than any job posting has ever ruled in the history of job posts that rule.

  7. dan says:

    I`m overqualified but that has never stopped me from applying for positions I was passionate about in the past. Its the swear words that give me pause…us canucks are used to the use of the letter “u” in many places and it’s absence in swear words would be confusing :(

  8. Laurence Sutter says:

    How will you handle the avalanche of applications that message will generate?

  9. Marc, it has been a while since I have been on your site. This is, without question, the best job post I have ever read. Period.

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