Catcalling is for Genetic Refuse

We are here for one reason — to fuck. The old DNA says “spawn or go extinct.” We may have frolics and detours along the way, to either make the rest of our existence more tolerable, or to make the entire group experience more likely to lead to success — and thus more fuckin’. This explains, to me, nature tossing in homosexuality, despite a lack of immediate reproductive benefit to the species.

So here we are, guys generally want to fuck anything that moves. Women need to be more selective, because they can only be pregnant by one at a time. It makes sense that the boys want to fuck more than the girls, until the girls find a guy that they really wanna fuck, and then they ovulate all over the place. There, life decoded for you.

So lets do an experiment: We have an attractive woman, perhaps wearing attire that is specifically designed to attract male attention. She walks down the street, and she gets all kinds of male attention. Then, she’s all pissed off that guys pay attention.

Fair enough.

I agree that a woman should be allowed to walk around with non-verbal cues that scream “I WANT TO BE FUCKED RIGHT NOW” and still, it is a desirable cultural norm that we don’t actually get to fuck her, nor get to treat her like she’s just there for the fucking (I mean, unless that’s what she wants). Consider me a feminist, I guess.

Now, does she have a right to an existence without hearing guys hoot, holler, and catcall? Meh, maybe. I’m a little on the fence about it.

Which means that I don’t really mind the anti-catcalling crowd exercising its First Amendment right to protest and criticize this practice. I just think they’re making everyone dumber with their approach.

But, sorry to mansplain it ladies, you’re doing it wrong.

The only time I’ve ever experienced anything like catcalls was when I was in my early 20s, walking through a neighborhood full of Brazilian transsexual hookers in Rome. I’m pretty sure that they were not being sincere about yelling “ciao bello” at me, so much as they just wanted me to spend 20,000 Lire on a blowjob. ‘Course, it didn’t piss me off, because I saw the logic in it. If a guy wants a blowjob more than he wants 20,000 Lire, it helps to know who would rather have 20,000 Lire than a mouth that doesn’t have someone’s dick in it.

Simple commercial speech.

Ok, so that’s not even remotely the same thing.

But, I still want to offer my assistance to the anti-catcalling crowd.

Catcalling pisses me off too. Why? Because I know it bothers women. I got a wife, a daughter, and a mom. Don’t fucking bother them, or I’ll punch you.

But, lemme cocksplain it for any man who still doesn’t get it.

Dude, you are correct. She would not be dressed like that if she did not want to attract male attention. It might SEEM irrational for a girl to put on a miniskirt and fuck-me heels, and then act all pissy if guys notice. There are two reasons that “you don’t dress like that to avoid attention, bitch” doesn’t work as an argument.

ONE: Women are allowed to be irrational. Yes. They are nucking futs. The sanest, coolest, most awesomest girl in the world will tell you that. Their system gets flooded with fucked up hormones on a regular basis, and they’re biologically supposed to be pregnant like 17 times in their lifetime. Now, you’re trying to fit THAT into modern society? Good luck making that work. They’re allowed to be crazy, because by all rights, they ought to be the ones running through shopping malls with machine guns. The fact that they just refuse to make any sense to your mind is pretty blessed mercy. Call it a win and move on. (And ladies, thank you).

TWO: Even though they’re allowed to be, THEY ARE NOT BEING IRRATIONAL, you dumb fucks. Because you know what? She is dressed like that to attract attention, just not from you, you lowlife prole piece of shit motherfucker. Ok? Do you now understand?

Yes, she’s wearing tight jeans to accentuate the shape of her ass because she wants a guy to notice that she has a nice ass. She’s wearing a short skirt because she wants a guy to notice. Or whatever she did to make herself look hot, she did do that because on some level, she does want a penis to come running after her, with its life support system (the man) attached to it.


Yes, she’s looking to get fucked, but NOT BY YOU.

How do I know that?

Lets start by looking at the “harassment.” I use that term loosely, because it seems somewhat untethered from its actual meaning, sometimes. It applies to “get over here and suck my dick, whore!” (which in my humble opinion is clearly harassment) to “good morning” (which is not). But, see rule #1. She’s allowed to think it is harassing, even if all you say is “good morning.” She gets to feel how she wants to feel. If you don’t get that, you ain’t getting laid, because you’re a douche.

Yes. Exactly. You are ugly physically, mentally, and emotionally to this girl. EXACTLY. So now fuck off.

Yes. Exactly. You are ugly physically, mentally, and emotionally to this girl. EXACTLY. So now fuck off.

Yes, it makes her an uptight bitch if “good morning” makes her ass pucker in fear and anger. She’s allowed to be an “uptight bitch.” Because you know what “uptight bitch” actually means? She’s an uptight bitch TO YOU. You can bet your life that if the kind of guy she wanted, and she’s been looking for, said “good morning,” he could separate her from her panties in 4 hours or less. If she turns up her nose, all that says is “you are not that guy, get over it. Find someone at your level, because I am way the fuck above it.” She doesn’t “deserve” to consider herself to be better than you? Fuck you. You don’t get to decide that. It’s her vagina. Her standards. If her standards are unrealistic, she will figure that out. But no matter how low her standards go, she will never fuck the guy who catcalls her.


Now how about something a little less innocuous, but not awful. “Hey baby!” That’s one that some guys might try. Or whatever, insert catcall here. It doesn’t matter. Because if you have to resort to catcalling, by definition, you’re a shitty choice. You’re a bad mate choice. You’re not likely to be able to provide a comfortable life, good parenting assistance, or even interesting conversation in between bouts of coitus. You’re genetic refuse. Go jerk off into a sock until you figure out how to be worth more, dipshit.


In other words, yes, she has lovely plumage. You’ve strutted your stuff, and in 2 seconds, you communicated 4 billion years of evolutionary information to that woman’s ovaries — “THIS IS A BAD MATE, MOVE ON.”


And THAT is the message that you need to get out there, if you’re trying to end this kind of thing. Yes, yes, I know that every fucking Dworkinite out there wants this to be about the political construct of the phallocracy, or some other dumb shit. No. Its not about oppression. It is not about anything else but this very simple equation: These guys are doing what they believe is most likely to maximize their chances of putting their penis in that woman’s vagina. Somehow, they think that this will work. Guys would smear chipmunk feces on their faces if they thought it would get them laid. The ad campaign needs to be “IT DOES NOT WORK – IN FACT, IT ENSURES THAT YOU WILL NOT GET LAID!” There. Done.

Caveat: catcalling can sorta work – for bystanders. Its a great conversation starter. Dipshit says “hey, nice cunt” or something like that. Then, you look over and her and say “if that works, give me a chance to come up with something just as clever, ok?” She laughs. Dipshit leaves. You have just been dealt an inside straight. You take it from there.

You’re not going to elevate the social consciousness of the catcalling dumbass. They’re just stupid.

Stupid. Genetic. Refuse.

Their DNA is supposed to be left on the cutting room floor of life’s epic film. So, ladies, either just let that happen, or if you really want to convince guys to cut it out, you gotta speak to them rationally. Because guys are, if nothing else, rational, when it comes to getting laid. If they think it can work, they’ll try it. If they know it won’t work, they won’t do it. That’s the missing message.

You’re welcome.

13 Responses to Catcalling is for Genetic Refuse

  1. blueollie says:

    This is pretty good; there is a woman who does “men’s rights videos” who said more or less the same thing in different language.

    It is the same old thing; feminists want to deny genetics and pretend that we are blank slates that can be trained to feel one way or another. On the other hand, as you said, catcalls NEVER work when it comes to actually attracting someone.

    In fact, that is part of the feminist argument; the catcalls are a loser male way of “punishing” women who will surely reject them.

    On the other hand, even some…well…not-so-hot looking women get catcalls. So who knows; maybe it is a mating strategy (albeit a very bad one)

    I admit that I get a chuckle out of all your ubiquitous Ted Nugent like “I’ll punch you/beat you up” rhetoric; I’m not sure how well you’d do at MMA though few would want to face you in the courtroom. :-)

  2. […] he takes on the cat-calling stuff and does a great job of getting right to the point: yes, it is irrational for women to flaunt what they’ve got and to no expect a reaction, but […]

  3. I’d probably have to rely on being “old man strong” and “old man crazy” to win. But, I’d rather nurse a loss than not swing.

  4. blueollie says:

    Well, “tough guys” are a dime a dozen; few can explain things as well as you can.

  5. CPlatt says:

    I was skeptical of the video because no information was provided on the locations in NY. Did they specifically walk in areas where harassment was most likely? Like, 125th Street in Harlem for instance?

    So I checked with a woman I know (an exwife actually) who is Korean-American, and never dresses provocatively. She assured me she had long ago mastered the “cold face” that women wear in NY to discourage attention.

    She said that when she was in her 20s, she was constantly harassed by all ethnicities, all age groups, in all areas of the city. The harassment was often physical (guys grabbing her arm, sometimes her breast). It was often intimidating. It was sometimes scary. On a few occasions, she acquired bruises. Several times she had to resist physically.

    She spelled this out in a matter-of-fact style. Like, “Yes, of course it happens, didn’t you know?”

    My entire attitude toward the video changed. Sure, guys want to fuck anything that moves (or, perhaps, something that doesn’t move). And long ago, this may have been good for our species. But a survival trait from our evolutionary past should be suppressed when it violates rights which we now consider basic. End of story.

    The video should be remade with independent observers, with proper data collection, and ideally several different “victims.” Debriefing some of the guys who perform the harassing acts would also be useful. This would eliminate a lot of the skepticism (which I shared, until I talked to my ex).

  6. TNCM says:

    Finally, someone who has written something truthful that proves women ARE inferior to men ;))

  7. jesschristensen says:

    Sure, you could do a more scientific study for proof that adjusts for variables, takes into account location, time of day, relative hotness, wind speed, whatever.

    Or, really, you could, just this once, just on this one fellas, listen to the sisters. Your wife is exactly right, CPlatt, this shit does happen every single day to (at least virtually) every single woman. Hot or not. Fat, tall, short, bald, one-armed, buck toothed…whatever. Just, please, take our word for it. Not as a feminist issue…but as Marc says…on a just stop bothering us issue. Fellas, you are really fucking annoying when you catcall.

    If it only happened when I got all gussied up (for me, not a miniskirt and fuck me pumps, but that’s just a matter of personal style), then it wouldn’t be so bothersome. Because I did make some extra effort, and yes, I do look good. And I feel good. And I’m showing it. I put my plumage up, and the fact that you’ve noticed isn’t going to piss me off. HOW you notice might, and if what comes out of your mouth is classless, ugly, or just plain dumb, you will be regarded accordingly.

    But there’s more to it than that. Sometimes, I’m just busy dude. I’m doin’ stuff. I don’t have time to be polite to your awkward come-ons, even if not ill intended. Pay attention. If I look busy, then I very likely am busy, and it’s not the time to chat me up. If I have put no effort into my appearance, then it’s likely not the time, and I’m doing something else. Because I’m busy. The fact that you can’t be bothered to pay half a second of attention to notice that I’m busy and it’s a bad time not only signals that you’re a bad mate, it also makes me suspicious that whatever you’re saying actually has nothing to do with me, specifically. Why should I give a fuck about your desperate, general, take all comers advertisements? Even when I’m not busy, that’s not going to be attractive.

    Secondly, and this is something the other brothers should pay attention to, when you catcall, you’re actually cock-blocking everyone else. Really. Because 1-in-50 or 1-in-100 or 1-in-20 of those guys who catcalls IS actually dangerous. We can see it in their eyes. We feel it. Sometimes they say it outright, and sometimes we just know. Sometimes, they want to do us harm. Sometimes they try to do us harm (I have had total strangers grab my ass or boobs or arms on the street; I have had guys follow me in their cars for blocks and blocks, catcalling). And the thing is, for those guys, they are already angry at me. And not me personally – they don’t know me or anything about me EXCEPT that I have a vagina. And for whatever that reason, that pisses them off. Of course I know it’s not ALL MEN. But, some men, for sure.

    And like I said, I’m busy. If I don’t want to spend all (or any, really) of my time trying to distinguish the evil from the merely inept, efficiency and sanity dictates that I simply regard all catcallers as potential threats. And so I put on my stone cold face, or my fuck you face, or my fuck-off-or-I-will-mace-you-face. And when I do that, you call me an “uppity bitch.” Which only affirms that my assumption that you’re likely a dangerous douchebag is correct.

    There’s a really sad by-product to all of this, culturally, I think. Because especially for women living in urban areas, if this experience happens enough, regarding men as potentially dangerous douchebags can become a bit of a habit. Even the nice ones, who don’t catcall. It takes deliberate effort NOT to regard all men as such, merely about of sheer repetition. And, having to put on “a face” everytime you step out on the street means smiling less, making less eye contact, and, most of all, appreciating the world less – including the world of men. If a woman doesn’t deliberately work hard to not paint the world with the lowest-common denominator brush, she can actually become kinda a bitch much of the time.

    So, it’s more than just catcalling won’t get you laid. Because believe it or not, a lot of men know that already. Some are trying to get laid when they catcall, putting hope over experience. Others are just bored. Or, hostile. Or, showing off for their friends. It’s that catcalling actually makes the world a worse place to live – for everyone.

  8. […] Bmaz, at Empty Wheel, Liliana Segura at The Intercept, Marco Randazza at The Legal Satyricon. […]

  9. ABC123 says:

    Sorry your mansplaining hits a little to close to rape culture in the US.

    A predator is a predator. A stranger who is willing to invade your personal space without invitation is a potential predator and needs to be treated as a potential threat. Everyone else you said about DNA and fucking is just shit.

    Doesn’t matter how you dress, where you hang out, your age or what your sexual history, someone is always going to try to blame the victim and pull some form of the boys will be boys and it’s in there DNA crap and women are just bitches who lead them on. Your post invokes that imagery. It makes excuses for gendered cultural conditioning.

    So I call bullshit on your response. It comes from a world of privilege that says the probability of you being sexually assaulted is almost nil. And a world which wouldn’t typically see you as a victim and systematically and culturally try to blame you. Your worst assumption in my opinion is that catcallers should be treated like silly dumbfucks just trying to get laid instead of from the “object’s” point of view of seeing them as potential threats.

    Where’s the line from boyish stupidity to as the stupid politicians say rape rape and how is the object supposed to judge the threat?

    And let’s face it, if we believe statistics as opposed to what culture tells us the catcaller on the street is the safer bet than many of the men already in a women’s life.

  10. Duderino says:

    I offer nothing of substance here other than to suggest that apropos of the opening line, you watch “Samsies” on YouTube. Immediately.

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