Help Wanted: Paralegal

RLG is looking for someone to act as a paralegal/office manager for the Vegas office.  

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about working for a firm that does First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality. You must have a healthy relationship with porn. That means you must not be bothered by it, but if you’re all “oh, goody, porn!” then you’re an idiot who will be a liability to us all.

Experience as a paralegal is helpful, but not required. College helps, but is not necessary. Although, if you did go to college and you majored in English or Journalism, please step this way, past the velvet rope, and sit down. You’re going to the VIP lounge of candidates. You know why I like English/Journalism majors? Because usually they can compose a coherent sentence, or guess what word I wrote in some edits that are in my terrible, terrible penmanship.

If you can’t spell or notice typos, you’re not going to last more than a week. Attention to detail really matters. I stop reading when I see the first typo in a letter, and then I tell you to do it again. If you get the letter handed back to you three times, you get a prize! A new job. Somewhere else. I don’t care where. Your job will be to make mine easier, not harder.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only.

If you do not know where to send a resume, that’s too bad. Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.

NOTE: Every time I post a job like this, I get attorneys and recent law grads applying too. I’ll consider JDs for the position, but only if you’re prepared to make a 1-2 year commitment to staying in the support staff ranks. Also, if you’re a JD who thinks “I’m a JD, lah dee freakin dah, I can do a paralegal’s job drunk ” then you’re an idiot. A paralegal’s job is way harder than a first year associate’s job.

6 Responses to Help Wanted: Paralegal

  1. Chad says:

    The last time I posted a job opening for a paralegal/ legal secretary I included specific instructions to _mail_ a resume and cover letter to my Post Office box. I specifically stated I wanted real mail, not email, because I wanted to see if the candidate could actually write a letter and put it in the mail. 2/3 of all applications I received came to my email. I replied to the first few email applications explaining that the ability to follow instructions was a job requirement, and failing that simple, explicit instruction, I was not going to consider the candidate. Eventually I got tired of replying to emailed applications from candidates that couldn’t fucking read, so I just gave up and ignored them. By the dozen.

    • D506 says:

      Perhaps those applicants thought you’d rather hire someone who thinks independently, rather than someone who follows instructions to the letter despite it being a clear waste of their time and yours.

      • Chad says:

        No, those applicants just didn’t read. The ability to follow even mundane instructions is extremely important for a legal secretary/paralegal, particularly in a litigation practice where following a Court’s Local Rules for filing is crucial. Independent thinking can be a valuable trait, but I asked for candidates that can read and follow instructions.

  2. me says:

    I again nominate Crystal Cox.

  3. Troll Should Die! says:

    And you are to make fun of Crystal Cox? HERO for EXPOSING.

  4. Scott Jacobs says:

    Makes me wish I were further along in my paralegal classes, or else I would throw my hat in.

    I hope I’ll be able to at least request consideration for an internship in a year’s time.


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