In Sullivan, Indiana, the local high school declined to ban gays and lesbians from bringing their same-sex dates to the prom. So, a group of “christian” students and their parents decided to have an “alternate prom,” where the queers wouldn’t go fagging up the place. Or something like that. (source)
To help “preserve their beliefs,” parents, students, and other homasssholes got together where most homassholes congregate, at a church — the Sullivan First Christian Church.
Sidebar — I am not going to use the word “homophobic” anymore. That’s a really stupid term. There’s a quote going around that says “Phobia” has nothing to do with it. You’re not afraid of homosexuals, you’re just an asshole. Accordingly, from this day forward, I’m going to call them what they actually are: homassholes. If anyone is actually afraid of homosexuals, they can still be called homophobic.
Diana Medley, a special education teacher in Sullian said “We don’t agree with it and it’s offensive to us,” when referring to the “gays allowed” prom. “If we can get a good prom then we can convince more people to come and follow what they believe,” said homasshole student Kynon Johnson. The Sullivan Homassholes even have their own facebook group, you know, to spread the love and tolerance. They announced the meeting thus:
I have a message for the kids in Sullivan.
For the gay kids there – it gets better. Trite but true. Right now, you’re 18. Look around you. The kids who are at the top of the pecking order right now are totally fucked. You know why? They’re gonna live for another forty to eighty years, but they are peaking right now. Yeah, that means that for the past four years, they’ve had it pretty good. And from here forward, their lives will slowly (or even quickly) descend into disappointment, bitterness, and diabetes (mental if not physical). Fuck them.
Today, you’re an outcast because you, generally, don’t fit in with the good folk of Sullivan, Indiana. You know what? A short drive away, nobody gives a shit who you hug, fuck, or kiss. At college, less people will care. Well, there will always be assholes who care, but there will be even more people who simply embrace you. You know why? Because you’re probably cool. You can’t take shit like you’ve taken in that piss-ant town, and not develop some coping skills that give you a good sense of humor and a capacity for tolerance and compassion that make you a damn good person.
Meanwhile, equal rights are flying toward you. Even Iowa has same-sex marriage. Other states are legalizing it, either constitutionally or through citizen votes. The more that happens, and the sky does not turn to blood and fire, the more people will realize that your orientation is a mere trivia point in your personality.
In short, you’re winning.
So today is the worst day of your life, at least with respect to homassholes. Tomorrow is better. Next week, even better. Next year, even better. When you’re in your 30s and 40s, you’ll be laughing at the homassholes, who will be sitting on the same historical square as the segregationists of the 1960s.
At the same time, the homassholes from your high school are enjoying the best days of their lives. They’ll surf down from their peak. Go to the local fast food joint and look at the 40 year olds who work there. That’s their future. Go to a local bar and see who is sitting on the stools right now. Come back after college and note how many of them are in the same fucking stool, just 30 lbs heavier, with four years of life punching them in the face.
It gets better for you. It gets worse for them. You win. You win today. You win tomorrow. You win at life. Keep that in mind, kids. Don’t ever let homassholes get you down.