Why do you hate America?

I get that question a lot — as do most people who think and express opinions. Of course the answer is that we don’t “hate America.” In fact, it is precisely because we love America that we don’t like seeing shitheads ruin it, and we feel compelled to say something about it.

Well, until now.

If you’re ever asked “why do you hate America,” you can go into a diatribe about the Constitution and ideas and shit like that… or you can just say THIS IS WHY!

And if you want to know why I support forced sterilization…. same answer.

12 Responses to Why do you hate America?

  1. Bad Monkey says:

    How to burn down a high school –

    Ingredients:
    Ten years
    Homecoming
    Projection screen
    Hundred or so fellow high school students
    This video of Alana “Honey Boo boo”

  2. What makes you think she will ever be in a high school?

    • Scott Jacobs says:

      Two reasons:

      1) Public education has made it virtually impossible for a child to be held back (if you meet someone who’s kid has been in the last 5 or 10 years, just think how damned stupid that kid must be).

      2) She won’t hit upon the idea of entering the glamorous world of street-corner whoring until she’s at least 16 or 17.

      • Ah, yes… my analysis was incomplete.

        • Scott Jacobs says:

          However, if you could explain to her and her mother how the child could make fat stacks (no pun intended) by letting strange men “give her special hugs” just like daddy does, then that kid wouldn’t see a school for the rest of her life, unless it was through the window while shooting amateur porn.

  3. Todd says:

    Bonus awfulness: the commenters on that thread making fun of her for being “fat”.

  4. Mike says:

    I get that a lot, too.

    Like you, and unlike the people making the accusation, I have a DD-214.

    In my opinion, any American who was unwilling to risk his life to defend his country is the one who hates America.

  5. Scott Jacobs says:

    Just think… Merely by managing to not choke to death on a chicken bone, upon turning 18 this little pile of lard and stupid will be allowed to vote, and that vote will be worth the exact same amount as MY vote.

  6. Fat Stax says:

    If she’s so stupid, answer me this: How did she arrange to have Jabba the Hutt come to earth and coach her from the audience?

  7. Gary says:

    I just had my mind’s eye poked out.

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