The safest sex ever

By J. DeVoy

Ultra-safe sex in 27 short steps.

4 Responses to The safest sex ever

  1. No wonder our greatest cultural icons (read:John Mayer) are choosing porn over flesh. The time it takes you to make sure everything is legit, you coulda banged hundreds of two-dimensional, pixelated hotties (who don’t revoke prior consent, present fake IDs, or suffer from debilitating cooter infestations).

    Da Man (Meyer)in his own words from his Playboy interview:

    MAYER: …pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [naked girls] before I got out of bed.

    PLAYBOY: What’s your point about porn and relationships?

    MAYER: Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that (porn) not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.

    PLAYBOY: You seem very fond of pornography.

    MAYER: When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

    PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

    MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

    PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

    MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

    • Lindsay says:

      Seriously? John Mayer is one of our “greatest cultural icons”?

      • I challenge you to listen to Mayer’s entire recorded output and come back with a differing conclusion. In particular, check out “Your Body is a Wonderland”, “Say”, and “Gravity” to see why the kid is sooo money. I stopped short of proclaiming Mayer as a Rock God for one substantial reason – his penis is a racist and that shiat ain’t cool.

        “My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock.” ~ John Mayer

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