Findlaw, are you really that douchetastic?

Anyone in the blogosphere knows that The New York Personal Injury Law Blog is the fine work of one Eric Turkewitz, Attorney at Law. Findlaw has decided to jump into the legal blawgosphere by launching … The New York Personal Injury Law Blog. Not only did Findlaw rip off Turkewitz’ name, but they gave us further evidence of Greenfield’s Law: “Anyone can blog, but not everyone should.”

One thing about knock offs — they are usually crappy and cheap imitations of the original. Findlaw’s blog is no exception. The writing on the knock off is crappy and bland, informs you of nothing, provides zero value, and is just so many wasted pixels screaming out to the search engines “PLEEEEASE READ MY ADS!”

Lets go back to Greenfield for some wisdom on the subject at hand.

The barrier to entry into the blawgosphere has increased dramatically. It’s not one of cost, or concept, as much as one of merit, focus and purpose. If you have the desire to write, the guts to write something worth reading and the stomach to deal with the constant onslaught of stupid and crazy readers, there’s a place for you in the blawgosphere. If you think it’s the path to success in your law practice, you will be sorry and your blog will fail. (source)

Findlaw obviously didn’t get the memo. They hired a milquetoast writer to author a milquetoast blawg for the sole purpose of selling ad space to shitty lawyers who can’t develop a reputation on their own. Each crappy post ends with something like this:

In a case against the city, there are a number of restrictions that require the expertise of a New York personal injury attorney. If you are planning on taking the city to civil court, contact a New York personal injury attorney to help you even the odds.

Or this

If you are planning on taking two people to court as opposed to one, hire a New York injury lawyer. They can organize your case and help you balance the blame.

And the words “New York Injury Lawyer” link to a page of bottom feeders’ ads.

Here’s a rule of thumb… if a blog post ends with “for more information, contact the lawyers at Douchestein and Dickwadbaum,” then it is an advertisement, but, it isn’t advertising the lawyer’s services. It is advertising that lawyer’s stupidity, desperateness, and cluelessness. I would advise any potential client who sees a “blog” that ends its posts that way to turn around, run away, fast as you can, and do not look over your shoulder.

And to any lawyer who thinks that setting up a blog is the killer app for client development, listen. Come closer. LISTEN! Blogging does NOT, I repeat, does NOT get you clients.

Sure, I get lots of inquiries from potential clients who read the Legal Satyricon. In the past three years, there may have been two or three who weren’t broke dicks without a dime to pay me. The vast majority are from complete lunatics who want me to sue the government for beaming radiation into their heads, or who want to sue the Obama administration over some birth certificate issue. Nevertheless, I always get “knowing” nods from fellow lawyers who think that this blog is a marketing gold mine. It isn’t. On the other hand, it is fun, lots of fun. It gives me an outlet to blow off steam — steam that otherwise might find its way into my hand, and I might just have to smack someone upside the head oh, ten or fifteen times a day. After I purge on here, I am far less prone to violence.

Let me set you straight. If you are a lawyer who is also a writer… that is, if you are a lawyer AND you love to write, then by all means, start a blawg. May a thousand flowers bloom, or whatever the stupid saying is. Bring your voice to the blawgosphere!

If you think that this is the ticket to riches, glory, and client development, you are wrong. But, don’t lose faith, as all is not lost! I do have some advice for you if you think that you just want a website that can make you money! Go sign up for a porn affiliate program and buy a thousand random domain names, and use those domain names to market the porn site. I hear that Fleshlight pays really well. If I slapped a Fleshlight ad on this blog, I would probably make more money in pocket pussy sales than I would ever make from the lunatics and morons who use my contact form.

So lets recap: Findlaw ripped off Turkewitz. Not only that, but they ripped him off in a really bland and lame way, and they ripped him off to support a complete piece of shit business model. If you think a Findlaw ad is the way to market your law practice, maybe you should think about their business ethics, business judgment, and what it says about you as a lawyer.