Findlaw, are you really that douchetastic?

Anyone in the blogosphere knows that The New York Personal Injury Law Blog is the fine work of one Eric Turkewitz, Attorney at Law. Findlaw has decided to jump into the legal blawgosphere by launching … The New York Personal Injury Law Blog. Not only did Findlaw rip off Turkewitz’ name, but they gave us further evidence of Greenfield’s Law: Anyone can blog, but not everyone should.”

One thing about knock offs — they are usually crappy and cheap imitations of the original. Findlaw’s blog is no exception. The writing on the knock off is crappy and bland, informs you of nothing, provides zero value, and is just so many wasted pixels screaming out to the search engines “PLEEEEASE READ MY ADS!”

Lets go back to Greenfield for some wisdom on the subject at hand.

The barrier to entry into the blawgosphere has increased dramatically. It’s not one of cost, or concept, as much as one of merit, focus and purpose. If you have the desire to write, the guts to write something worth reading and the stomach to deal with the constant onslaught of stupid and crazy readers, there’s a place for you in the blawgosphere. If you think it’s the path to success in your law practice, you will be sorry and your blog will fail. (source)

Findlaw obviously didn’t get the memo. They hired a milquetoast writer to author a milquetoast blawg for the sole purpose of selling ad space to shitty lawyers who can’t develop a reputation on their own. Each crappy post ends with something like this:

In a case against the city, there are a number of restrictions that require the expertise of a New York personal injury attorney. If you are planning on taking the city to civil court, contact a New York personal injury attorney to help you even the odds.

Or this

If you are planning on taking two people to court as opposed to one, hire a New York injury lawyer. They can organize your case and help you balance the blame.

And the words “New York Injury Lawyer” link to a page of bottom feeders’ ads.

Here’s a rule of thumb… if a blog post ends with “for more information, contact the lawyers at Douchestein and Dickwadbaum,” then it is an advertisement, but, it isn’t advertising the lawyer’s services. It is advertising that lawyer’s stupidity, desperateness, and cluelessness. I would advise any potential client who sees a “blog” that ends its posts that way to turn around, run away, fast as you can, and do not look over your shoulder.

And to any lawyer who thinks that setting up a blog is the killer app for client development, listen. Come closer. LISTEN! Blogging does NOT, I repeat, does NOT get you clients.

Sure, I get lots of inquiries from potential clients who read the Legal Satyricon. In the past three years, there may have been two or three who weren’t broke dicks without a dime to pay me. The vast majority are from complete lunatics who want me to sue the government for beaming radiation into their heads, or who want to sue the Obama administration over some birth certificate issue. Nevertheless, I always get “knowing” nods from fellow lawyers who think that this blog is a marketing gold mine. It isn’t. On the other hand, it is fun, lots of fun. It gives me an outlet to blow off steam — steam that otherwise might find its way into my hand, and I might just have to smack someone upside the head oh, ten or fifteen times a day. After I purge on here, I am far less prone to violence.

Let me set you straight. If you are a lawyer who is also a writer… that is, if you are a lawyer AND you love to write, then by all means, start a blawg. May a thousand flowers bloom, or whatever the stupid saying is. Bring your voice to the blawgosphere!

If you think that this is the ticket to riches, glory, and client development, you are wrong. But, don’t lose faith, as all is not lost! I do have some advice for you if you think that you just want a website that can make you money! Go sign up for a porn affiliate program and buy a thousand random domain names, and use those domain names to market the porn site. I hear that Fleshlight pays really well. If I slapped a Fleshlight ad on this blog, I would probably make more money in pocket pussy sales than I would ever make from the lunatics and morons who use my contact form.

So lets recap: Findlaw ripped off Turkewitz. Not only that, but they ripped him off in a really bland and lame way, and they ripped him off to support a complete piece of shit business model. If you think a Findlaw ad is the way to market your law practice, maybe you should think about their business ethics, business judgment, and what it says about you as a lawyer.

10 Responses to Findlaw, are you really that douchetastic?

  1. This is a classic — you totally nailed it.

    Even though I’m getting trounced by Eric in the “Geo” category, I do so knowing I will lose to a tremendous blogger who quite clearly deserves to win.

  2. KC Law says:

    I had the local rep of FindLaw, a Thomson Reuters business, call on me to set up a site, and he had the audacity to get our receptionist to validate his parking. In addition to my wasted time, he charged me $8.00 for the privilege of hearing his pitch. So douchetasitic? Absolutely!

  3. Danimal says:

    I am a new reader of your blog, and I quite enjoy it. Furthermore ,I would be happy to support your blog by buying a plastic pussy. I’m a big collector of animal statues.

  4. Maria Williams says:

    I looked at the legal Blog hosted by FindLaw that you talk about. The title of the Findlaw blog say’s “New York Personal Injury LEGAL Blog” not “NY PI LAW blog” which is the name of Eric’s blog. I’m confused isn’t that a different name? “Legal & Law” are unique to the titles of each of these blogs and dosen’t that make the names of each of these blogs unique as well?

  5. […] Marc Randazza at The Legal Satyricon asked FindLaw, a Thomson Reuters business, if it is douchetastic?  Today, Scott Greenfield at Simple Justice more directly stated that FindLaw, a Thomson Reuters […]

  6. Liz says:

    But… but… but… an employment consultant was quoted in USA Today saying that her clients have found blogging to be a very lucrative practice, if done correctly, and she’s been able to lead them to increased sales and… and… it’s all great if you just pay someone to show you how to do it…

  7. […] but I found that I really didn’t have anything to add to what Eric and Scott Greenfield and Marc Randazza and Sheryl Sisk said about it; now I […]

  8. More evidence of Findlaw/Westlaw/Thomson Reuters sucky-ness…

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