In boot camp, I learned that if a soldier is taken captive, it is his duty to make things difficult for his captors. The sound military theory behind this requirement is that a pain in the ass prisoner requires more guards than a compliant one, and the more resources the enemy has to expend keeping you under control, the less resources the enemy has to send to the front.
Jose Antonio Cruz would make a hell of a soldier.Mr. Cruz was pulled over for drunk driving in Kanawha County, West Virginia. After being arrested, he refused to wear his seat belt in the patrol car, wouldn’t sit down at the police station, wouldn’t give a proper breathalyser sample, and generally harassed and confounded the officers.
But then he really went and did it. From the criminal complaint:
Patrolman Parsons was in a chair approx. 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station. The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Patrolman Parsons, away from Officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Patrolman Parsons. The defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto patrolman Parsons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons.
Patrolman Parsons was not amused. He charged Cruz with battery upon a police officer under W. Va. Code § 61-2-10b.
Any person who unlawfully, knowingly and intentionally makes physical contact of an insulting or provoking nature with a police officer…acting in his or her official capacity… is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction thereof, shall be confined in jail for not less than one month nor more than twelve months, fined the sum of five hundred dollars, or both.
On a law school exam, even blowing smoke in someone’s face can technically and theoretically amount to battery. However, if Mr. Cruz winds up in jail for 30 days for ripping a drunken fart, something will really stink in West Virginia.