Daddy, Why Are The Lunch-Lady’s Boobs So Big?

Louisa "Crystal Gunns" Tuck at the AVN Awards

Louisa 'Crystal Gunns' Tuck at the AVN Awards

Former adult entertainer Louisa C. Tuck – a.k.a. “Crystal Gunns” – is stirring up trouble in Vineland, N.J., where she currently works as a lunch-lady and playground monitor at D’Ippolito Elementary School.

Upon learning of Tuck’s background in the adult entertainment industry (where she appeared in such cinematic classics as Busty Dildo Lovers #2 and #5, and Brabusters), parents and school officials sought to have her fired.

Fortunately for Tuck, she’s a public employee. Unlike most people, who work for private employers, public employees have due process rights related to their employment. This is a lesser known function of the Fourteenth Amendment (or the Fifth Amendment for federal employees), which states:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

In other words, public employees have a property interest in their jobs, and public employers must have cause to terminate them. While one’s background as an adult entertainer is not entitled to any special protection, unless there is an explicit school board regulation prohibiting persons with such backgrounds from employment, the school district cannot terminate her on this basis (unless her adult entertainment work was contemporaneous with her public employment, in which case the school district might be able to invoke some kind of “conduct unbecoming” rationale for her termination).

Tuck’s case provides a good tip for adult entertainers looking for maintstream employment who are worried about how their backgrounds will effect their employment – ironically, government is the way to go.

3 Responses to Daddy, Why Are The Lunch-Lady’s Boobs So Big?

  1. Tatiana says:

    The sad assumption is that because someone was in the adult industry, they’re incapable of being normal citizens simply because they challenged social definitions of morality, which are stupid anyway. Since kids don’t normally have access to adult films, what’s the worry? Now, if she were to play with whole cucumbers in the lunchroom, then we’ve got a problem.

  2. smurfy says:

    “Upon learning of Tuck’s background in the adult entertainment industry”

    And just how did you learn about Ms Tuck’s background Mr Principal?

  3. Erick says:

    lol at comment by smurfy

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