Flori-duh legislator gets a bit testy

If you spend much time south of the Mason-Dixon line, you’ll see lots of things that make you wonder why we fought a war to keep this part of the country (source). Two of those things are inbred judges who insist on putting Ten Commandments displays in front of courthouses, and morons who think that it is cool to hang a pair of “Truck Nutz” from the back of their pickup trucks.

For those of you who live in places where the average person can read, write, and use indoor plumbing, I assure you — I am not making this up. People actually do attach these things to their vehicles here. I suppose that they could achieve the same thing by simply wearing a T-Shirt that says “I have deep feelings of sexual inadequacy,” but in America, you get to express your thoughts pretty much any way you please.

In a free society, you can wear that T-Shirt, buy a Hummer, hang “Truck Nutz” from your car, put up a Confederate flag, or pick any other way you like to express the sentiment “I’m a moron and I’m proud of it.”


Florida State Senator, Carey Baker (pictured right), didn’t get the memo. Shocking… a Florida Republican never heard of the First Amendment! He wants to take one of those ways to express the “I’m inbred and proud” sentiment away from Floridians. Baker sponsored an amendment to a highway safety bill (SB 1992) that would provide for a $60 fine for display of the disturbingly popular truck balls.

Baker’s colleague, Jim King (R-Jacksonville) claims that he, himself, sported a pair of truck nutz from his vehicle until his wife put the kaibosh on them. (source).

The Miami Herald reported that King was against the measure:

The measure met with resistance from Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican, who called them “a statement of truckyness”. (source)

On the other hand, the Tampa Tribune made it seem like King supported the measure — or maybe he just supports morality-based legislation in general.

“I don’t think this is frivolous. It’s someone making a determination that they thought it was either obscene or vulgar or whatever, and therein lies the problem.” (source)

At least Steve Geller (D-Cooper City) gave us some hope that it is not strictly required that all Florida legislators be completely brain dead.

It’s shocking we would be telling people that have metallic testicles on the bottom of their bumpers, ‘Guess what? We’ve now determined it’s obscene.’ There’s gotta be better things for us to be debating,” said Senate Democratic Leader Steve Geller of Cooper City. (source)

So, if you need any more proof that Flori-duh is, indeed, the dumbest state in the nation, here it is. Not only do we hang fake balls from our vehicles, but our legislature spends time debating whether it should be outlawed.

Yeeeee hawwww!

11 Responses to Flori-duh legislator gets a bit testy

  1. I could not stop laughing when I saw a pair of Diesel F-350 testicles for the first time. It says a lot about the cat who feels compelled to put those on a rig. I am going to string up a little Georgia O’keefe print onto my bumper as a show of vehicular genitalia displaying solidarity.

  2. hickmanha says:

    Believe it or not, this isn’t just a Southern thing. The road-savvy teste craze hit Los Angeles as long ago as 2006. The most disturbing part? They come in a variety of colors, including blue and the “all-too-lifelike” nude. Frankly, why anyone would sport these lovely traffic-distractors is beyond my comprehension … but blue? Really??

  3. Good lord, really??? I never saw them in New England — not even in New Hampshire.

  4. KWW says:

    I saw a pair of those dangling from the back of an 80’s Caprice Classic with a bowling ball paint job and 22″ rims just the other day. I don’t think they’re limited to rednecks.

    And, Randazza – you know you want some for the baby stroller.

  5. Point taken on the “redneck” comment. I’ve edited the post accordingly. That wasn’t very nice of me anyhow.

    re: Baby Stroller…. BAAA HAAA HAAA!!!! Oh man, that would be a riot!!!

    I think that Mrs. Legal Satyricon would kill me.

    Of course, I do have this plan that if she passes out in childbirth, to make a fake birth certificate, telling her that I named the kid “Tupac Randazza” … regardless of gender.

  6. Willy D says:

    Regardless of your sentiments, professor know-it-all, you’re an inadvertent proponent of truck balls. Your site is sporting a Yahoo ad for these accessories right now!

  7. Really? An “inadvertent proponent?”

    1) I have no Yahoo ads.
    2) If there happens to be one on here, it might make me an “inadvertent supporter,” (go get a dictionary and use it the next time you want to use a big word).
    3) If there happens to be an ad for them somewhere on this site, I don’t mind. I think they should be sold everywhere. Let every inbred idiot have access to them — that way those of us who have evolved can tell the rest of you from a distance! :)

  8. Commontater says:

    I think they’re indecent, really. True, if we let them use them, it does sort out a few of the idiots so that we know who they are. I’m still trying to figure out where the connection between this and the judges who take a stand on keeping the ten commandments display comes in. You don’t have to be inbred to make a stand for your rights. Originally we were a country founded for freedom of religion. Only lately has it become freedom from religion and the founders would be appalled and wonder what kind of inbreeding it took for people to get to where they couldn’t see the difference. I would also point out that inadvertent means you didn’t do it on purpose so it is possible to be an inadvertent proponent if someone (say, yahoo?) decides to put an add for truck nuts along side your article that brings it to people’s attention.

  9. Thatoo says:

    Exactly so.

  10. Commontater says:

    Inbred, ten commandments, truckballs,… I can see a connection between inbreeding and truckballs maybe, but somehow the ten commandment’s part doesn’t quite fit.

  11. reporter666 says:

    I think these are funny, whether puttin truck nuts on your ride OR looking for
    THE ORIGINAL BULLS BALLS that you eat,

    I’ve got some funny pics and articles at my blog if you’d like to take a peek

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