If you are watching other people have fun, while hurting nobody else, and it bothers you, then you are the douchebag

May 10, 2014

I think that is sorta the definition of a douchebag. Ok, or it is one of the definitions of a douchebag.

You know, you look at two people who are totally into each other. They want to be happy and to just go get married or just fuck each other for fun, or whatever. Nobody is getting hurt. Everyone involved is having a grand old time.

Except you — the spectator.

If it bothers you, then don’t watch.

This sorta sums it up, at least in the gay marriage context.

Screen Shot 2014-05-10 at 2.04.12 PM

Or maybe this sums it up even better:

Jennifer Rambo and Kristin Seaton, the first gay married couple in Arkansas history.  (Photo credit http://instagram.com/p/n0jnraAOE4)

Jennifer Rambo and Kristin Seaton, the first gay married couple in Arkansas history. (Photo credit http://instagram.com/p/n0jnraAOE4)

There is an even better photo of them here at an article about their big win in Arkansas.

If that bothers you… if those smiles and that joy makes you scowl, there really is something wrong with you. The Arkansas Family Council, I’m looking at you. I just can’t fathom how anyone, anywhere, could look at these two girls and say “y’all shouldn’t be together, because reasons.”

And I promise, I’d be saying that even if they weren’t hot. Which they are. Which is irrelevant. But, hey… hot. Happy. Yay.

And nobody has any business scowling, bitching, or trying to deny them their right to be happy.

Here’s another place where this lesson comes into play:

Yeah, a little less serious and historically significant. I will give you that. But, wouldn’t someone having a problem with this be just like the assholes at the Arkansas Family Council?

Yes, that’s some guys getting giggling girls to sit on a sybian in public, ostensibly to raise money for an organization that fights female genital mutilation. The guys certainly are enjoying it. The charity, I presume will enjoy the money. The girls are clearly enjoying it. So who is mad, bro?

Oh, who else?

Scowling harpy second-wave feminists.

Jezebel looks at that video the way that The Westboro Baptist Church looks at Adam & Steve having the most fabulous wedding ever. There is no fucking way that this is okay, and I’m offended, so insert scowl here. Jezzie brings us “Douchebags Film Women Riding Sex Toy ‘To Fight Female Circumcision'” (source)

The scowling harpies bring us this conclusion:

But as long as asking people to do sex-stuff on camera in public probably for my own enjoyment is okay as long as it’s “for charity” — Would any of them eat my asshole in front of their mothers in exchange for a $1000 donation to an organization that vaccinates children in third world countries against polio? It’s for charity! How about giving an anonymous male stranger a hand job through a curtain in exchange for me giving $500 to an anti-AIDS charity? Would they let a monkey perform a prostate exam on them if I promised to donate a sizable amount to a prostate cancer charity? (source)

The answer?

Yes. It is okay.

If you want to ask every guy walking by to eat someone’s asshole in front of their mother for charity, and they agree, and enjoy themselves, then who the hell is anyone else to judge. Ok, well, there would probably be some public indecency laws violated there, so it might not be okay with everyone. But, handjob through the curtain? Why not? If the jacker and jackee are both happy, why would anyone else have fuckall to say about it?

So what’s the moral of the story?

For fucking chrissakes, can’t we live in a society where we see other people happy and we just smile about it? I can see getting worked up if they’re smiling about dumping toxic waste in your yard. I can see getting worked up about it if they’re happy about slapping you in the face with a tire iron. But, short of that, maybe if we could all just say “fuck it, they look happy, what do I care?” we might be a bit better off.

Girls Masturbating While Singing

May 10, 2014

Its not even porny. Totally G-rated, but fucking awesome.

If you can watch this and not smile your ass off, then you and me are not much alike. Which is not the same as me saying I don’t like you, but you’re definitely the weird one.

The Star Spangled Banner in Minor Key

May 10, 2014

This seems much more appropriate than the original. It conveys the fact that everything it once stood for is dead. Especially the “land of the free, home of the brave” line. We are neither.

15 Year old Texan – First Amendment Bad Ass

May 10, 2014

Mason Michalec is a 15 year old in Needville, Texas.  He prefers not to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.  His principal decided to take him on and gave him in school suspension for not adhering to the required political orthodoxy. Michalec does not seem to be backing down.  

That principal is going to get spanked if he pushes this.  (source)

Pope Francis, Awesome Again

May 10, 2014

It really makes it hard to be an Atheist when the Pope is so fucking awesome.  Maybe that’s the point.  Atheist or not, Pope Francis is one of my top living heroes.  

Pope Francis called Friday for governments to redistribute wealth and benefits to the poor in a new spirit of generosity to help curb the “economy of exclusion” that is taking hold today (source

Donald Sterling and Privacy

May 1, 2014

This article I wrote on CNN.com got a little bit of attention. Much more than I expected.

Section 230 Appeal in The Dirty

May 1, 2014

It sounds like oral arguments in Dirty World v. Jones went well for Mr. Nik Ritchie.  (source)  I certainly hope so, as my client was an amicus in that case.  (Amicus Brief)  


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