There is a 75% chance that this man has Ebola. He is wearing sunglasses for your protection, because making eye contact with black people is scary as fuck, and will kill you because Ebola.
Ok, not really, but I figured it was a catchier title than “Ebola is the new paranoia for the stupid genetic refuse that proves that Idiocracy was not just a movie, but a prophecy
That would just not do as a headline. But, I suppose it is a clumsy, but effective lede.
Remember “give up ANY rights, as long as it keeps us safe from Beardsley McTurbanhead, who is going to kill us all if he can?”
How could you forget? That fad isn’t over yet.
But, just in time for the new fall idiot fashion season, we have Ebola!
And, while there’s been plenty of stupidity surrounding ebola so far, I think that the stupidity has finally become self-aware, and is now firmly in control of SkyNet.
A nurse at the Howard Yocum School in Maple Shade Township, New Jersey sent a letter to staff members informing them that two new students from Rwanda, Africa would be arriving at the school on Monday.
“This is not an area identified as a country with an Ebola outbreak, however l am taking precautions as per the health guidelines of the Burlington County Health Department,” the nurse wrote. “I will be taking the students’ temperature three times a day for 21 days.” (source)
I’d like to introduce people to this new thing called A FUCKING MAP. Its like a picture with just a few words, so you don’t even need to read too good to understand it.
Getting from Monrovia to Kigali is pretty easy. You can either drive for about 90 hours, or take two planes and 17 hours to get there. Then, its just a hop, skip, and a jump into The Homeland.
But, you can never be too safe.
We need one of those “Real Men of Genius” ads for the Howard Yocum School Nurse.
Thank you for making us all a little dumber, while protecting us from the same disease that killed less than 3,000 people worldwide until the most recent outbreak. But, lets not discount the danger. This one looks like its gonna be pretty bad — with about 5,000 dead so far. The vast majority of those deaths in places like Liberia and Sierra Leone. You know, unsanitary shit holes where lots of diseases fester, and kill people who would just shrug it off in a cleaner country with a decent medical infrastructure.
But, you know. Africa. Ebola. Same thing. Africa might as well be The United States of Ebola.
Ebola carrier using secret jungle-disease-gun to try and kill an unidentified random innocent caucasian woman, presumed to be Natalee Holloway. He is assisted by an apparent Muslim.
You see, when you have a disease that is transmitted through bodily fluids, and those bodily fluids tend to be dumped in public places, and you have a virtually nonexistent public health system, then you have a good breeding ground for communicable diseases.
But why let facts get in the way of a good ghost story? We have a communicable disease with a 50% fatality rate. That’s good fodder for TV news that gives you all the information you need to make informed decisions in all of a 120 second spot. Right? Ok, but how can we really make this spooky? Hmmm…
The Super Secret Project officially declared that Ice Cube is no longer scary. (source) Despite that scientific finding, Americans are still scared shitless of black people.
And, fear is what brings the eyeballs.
But fear is also why America sucks.
If you haven’t seen this clip yet, watch it. (Direct link here)
I can’t think of any more brilliant writing. I am not even going to try and match it.
But, that video, fictional as it is, tells you that we are not the greatest country in the world anymore, and why. Because when we were, “we aspired to intelligence,” and “we didn’t scare so easy.”
And we don’t do that anymore. And scare easily is exactly what we do. We are a bunch of superstitious idiots, scared to death, of any simple narrative. (And I recognize that I am illustrating that that with a 4 minute video clip).
Beardy McTurbanhead is coming to blow you up, scary negroes who you can only see in the night with bloodshot eyes and white teeth gleaming at you, as they spit ebola in your face. We can’t be too tough on crime. It would be easy to blame this on simple old fashioned racism, but I won’t. More planes and bombers, please!
Racism is not a disease. It is a symptom. It is a symptom of our national commitment to ignorance and stupidity (which replaced our profound national commitment to wide open and robust debate).
And the school nurse at Howard Yocum probably had no idea when she made this asinine pronouncement that she was putting another nail in the coffin of what this country used to be, and likely never will be again. Nevertheless, there she was, hammer in hand, pounding on the lid.
But she can’t do it alone.
Her stupidity flows down a river of it, that emanates from every American household (statistically speaking anyhow). Like an open sewer in West Point (Liberia, look it up), it shits out of every one of us. And if you just decline to shit in the river, you’re still part of the problem. If you’re not actively part of the clean up, then you’re part of the filth.
So, we have to pelt this “well-meaning” person with rotten tomatoes. Why? Because she is why this is no longer the greatest country in the world. Fear is a parasite that can only live in the sweaty fat rolls of ignorance. And that parasite is now in control of the entire host body.
You want to “cure ebola?” Cure your own, and everyone else’s stupidity about it. Or about anything. Today. Now.