Happy Christmas. Fuck You.

December 21, 2012

Denham Springs, Louisiana resident Sarah Childs was in a dispute with her neighbors. So she exercised her First Amendment rights and created a special holiday message just for them.

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The neighbors were not happy about this and complained. A lot. And Miss Sarah fought back. Source.

I’ve composed this Christmas poem just for her.

‘Twas the month before Christmas and all through the ‘hood
The neighbors all gossiped that Sarah’s no good.
Angry and tired her response did not linger
A Holiday light show comprised of a finger.

“Outrageous! Offensive! How dare she!” They whined
They called the cops and so she was fined.
She took down the show and felt quite dejected
Until the ACLU interjected.

The attack on free speech is a thing that’s quite shitty
So Sarah fought back and they sued the city.
The cops and the mayor remained so undaunted
that Miss Sarah’s steps from then on were haunted.

“I know what we’ll do!” Said the city with glee.
“We’ll make her sorry! You wait and see!”
A citation here and a ticket there
So much to the point that it’s hard not to care.

A wonderful plan was retaliation
Until they got nailed for a rights violation.
The lights went back up this time on the double
And this for poor Sarah was nothing but trouble.

The neighbors began to snivel and wail
This time they tried to throw her in jail!
The lights came down alas one more time,
It seemed all was lost- those fiends! That slime!

But the judge took her side and told the city to suck it
That First Amendment-ain’t no way you can duck it.
And all through the town her message rang true,
“Happy Christmas to all and to all a fuck you!”


Belly Laugh for the Day

July 3, 2012

Rick Santorum got a little more than the coffee he was expecting from his mobile phone app.

n00b reveal update: Turns out this is satire (see comment below from Aaron W below).  Still funny as hell, though.


You know… instead of the G…

May 7, 2012

Bieber Bang Bus Presents

March 6, 2012

Kids today.

November 9, 2011

Move over Florida!  Looks like Arizonans are overtaking you in the WTF department. Not content with traditional methods of imbibing alcohol, Arizona teens are soaking tampons in Vodka and shoving them in…well you get the idea.    Source.

Apparently, its a quicker high.  They’ve also discovered the beer bong in the ass is quite effective as well.  They call it “butt chugging”.

Baaaa haaaaa haaaa haaaa!!!!!!

Fucking idiots.

 

 

 

 


Bunnies!

November 6, 2011

“Got the weirdest catalog in the mail. Basic premise: buy cute animals for starving children in Africa to eat.” – A friend of mine on his Facebook Page.


Too Sexy for Crisp Skin?

September 30, 2011

By Tatiana von Tauber

Too sexy for some head?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) thinks this chicken is just too sexy for anyone to see, “downright offensive” in fact. 

“When I saw it I just couldn’t believe that an editor of The New York Times would find it acceptable,” PETA’s founder and president Ingrid Newkirk told The Atlantic Wire. “It’s downright offensive, not just to people who care about animals but almost to everyone. It’s a plucked, beheaded, young chicken in a young pose,” she said. (source)

Newkirk went on to call it “necrophilia.” I think PETA needs a sense of humor.  This is brilliant from every angle!   


“The Cup Size Choir”

December 8, 2010

By Tatiana von Tauber

Sexy.  Fun.  Brilliant.

(Daily Mail article here.)


So You Want to Go to Law School?

October 20, 2010

H/T Kara Marie


If Dr. Laura sang ‘nigga’

August 24, 2010

by Tatiana von Tauber

…she might have gained a new audience and kept her radio show. 

Aside from her, here’s a fantastic expression of words like “fuck you” and “nigga”.  Context is everything.  An aquaintence of mine called this ‘clever’.  Excellent description.   Enjoy.


The New Dave Thomas

August 20, 2010

wXHZt

H/T The Kone


FYI

July 16, 2010

If I get asked about Congress’s postal power on the bar exam, I will cut someone.


Romantic Advice

June 25, 2010

FSM Displays His Awesome Might

June 15, 2010

His blessed sauceliness has declared, “Thou shalt have no other monsters before me.”

H/T Jessica K.


Glenn Beck’s “Nazi Tourettes”

May 16, 2010

Courtesy of Keith Olbermann


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