This is COLUMBUS DAY!!!

October 7, 2011

Pick another day, Crybabies!!!!

Pick another day, Crybabies!!!!

This is COLUMBUS DAY.

I’d like to invite anyone whose name ends with a vowel (Persians excluded) to raise their hands, extend their middle fingers, and flip off the Native Americans, the hippies, and everyone else in the International Association of Crybabies who has a piss and a moan about Christopher Columbus.

This is not “indigenous people’s day,” it is not “la dia de la raza” and it isn’t frigging “wear a beret, listen to Joni Mitchell, and wear patchoulli day.”

To the “Native Americans” who have a beef with Columbus Day — suck it. First off, it isn’t as though you sprang from the goddamned earth in Foxwoods. You’re immigrants too. You just wandered across ice to get here. We took boats. You were here first? I give a fuck?

There was a war. You lost. That’s how it works. That’s why the Celts wound up living in Ireland, Scotland, and every shitty rain-soaked crag in which they could cling to life — because they lost wars. That’s why nobody speaks Gaulish or whatever Vercingetorix spoke. They lost the damn war.

Sorry you crybaby fucks. That’s what happens when you LOSE A WAR. Trust me, the Italians know how you feel. We suck at wars. We used to be awesome at them. That ended some time around 400 A.D. Italians are the Chicago Cubs of warfare. (But you’re the Padres)

Tons of us came here to get away from the consequences of being really shitty at fighting wars. It worked out for us. We gave the world the thermometer, barometer, piano, electric battery, nitroglycerin, eyeglasses, the radio, and The Telephone.

We turned ghettoes into neighborhoods where people would kill to have a studio apartment. (Yes, I know that is the Gays’ job now, but it used to be ours) We taught the mayonnaise-faces what good food tastes like. We gave America 39 Medal of Honor recipients. We gave America Filippo Mazzei, John Basilone, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Bruce Springsteen, Vince Lombardi, and Gino the Ginny. You know what their middle names are? “Fuckin” that’s what.

We gave America its NAME for chrissakes.

You know what America gave us in exchange? A holiday. Good enough for us.

And you know what? America didn’t even give it to us, we took it. You know why? Because at the turn of the last century, Italians and other Catholic immigrants weren’t exactly what you would call “welcome” here. Yes, they used to lynch Italians too. So, the Catholics and Italians started organizations like the Knights of Columbus as a way to band together against the bigotry they encountered. They thought that by choosing Christopher Columbus as their symbol, it would show that if an Italian “discovered” America, then as Italians, they belonged here.

So you assholes can run your little left-wing crybaby agenda on any one of the 364 other days. I don’t give a damn if you managed to get every crap stained woodstock love child, fucking peruvian flute band, and liberal academic to weep with you as you look at the pollution on the highway. This is our holiday, and you can kiss my ass if you have a problem with it.

Don’t get me wrong. I generally have nothing but love for my Native American brothers and sisters. I think that they got a crappy deal. I’m with them when they get pissed off at the completely racist Cleveland Indians logo, and I don’t think you should call a team “The Redskins” if you wouldn’t call it “The Jigaboos” (yes, its the same damn thing). I think that America DOES owe the Native Americans a little something — and it ought to be something better than the right to build casinos. We owe them respect, help, and dammit, we ought to put a hell of a lot of effort into preserving their culture.

Shaddap about Columbus Day or I'll give you somethin' to really cry about!

This guy is actually SICILIAN.

But you know what, Tonto? If you have a beef, its with the damn British, the French, the Spanish, and the white-bread assholes who kicked your asses. Lord Jeffrey Amherst gave you the smallpox infected blankets, not Al Pacino. You picked a fight with the wrong people, because the Italians never did jack to you. So get the fuck off my holiday.

Personally, I don’t know why we’re all down on the Conquistadors anyhow. Leonidas killed 20,000 ill-equipped, poorly trained, forced-to-fight losers and we call him a hero for the ages. A couple hundred Spaniards kick the crap out of an entire empire of human sacrificing, child-raping, savage nutbags who make Jerry Falwell look sane, and we think it was an awful sin?

Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 and then your lives started to suck. Boo hoo frigging hoo. The Conquistadors followed Columbus and took all the gold. Yeah that sucks. I got news for you, your lives sucked before Columbus got here.

You know what else sucks? When you screw with our holiday.

So here’s the deal. Take out the calendar. No, not that stupid Mayan one that is going to be worthless next year, the REAL calendar.

You want a holiday? Be my guest. Pick any day on the calendar except October 31, February 14, March 17, January 1, or July 4. I don’t even care if you want Christmas, but picking THAT will be a marketing nightmare.

You know which day would be an awesome Indigenous People’s Day? How about the Friday after Thanksgiving? Most of us have the day off anyhow. The pilgrims wouldn’t have survived without your help. So, the day after Thanksgiving, as we’re all resting up and glad that we have four days in a row off, we can thank you. Thank you for saving the Pilgrims’ asses. Thank you for basketball, and chewing gum, and chocolate. Thank you for potatoes and tomatoes. Thank you for the windtalkers. Thank you for really cool art. Thank you for whatever the hell else you did for us. Thank you for not stabbing every person in a Cleveland Indians shirt. Thank you for not setting off bombs at Redskins games. Thank you for being pretty damn cool about one of the most royal screw jobs in the history of mankind.

But most of all, thank you for quitting your damn bitching about Columbus Day.


This is COLUMBUS DAY!!!

October 13, 2009

Pick another day, Crybabies!!!!

Pick another day, Crybabies!!!!

This is COLUMBUS DAY.

I’d like to invite anyone whose name ends with a vowel (Persians excluded) to raise their hands, extend their middle fingers, and flip off the Native Americans, the hippies, and everyone else in the International Association of Crybabies who has a piss and a moan about Christopher Columbus.

This is not “indigenous people’s day,” it is not “la dia de la raza” and it isn’t frigging “wear a beret, listen to Joni Mitchell, and wear patchoulli day.”

To the Native Americans who have a beef with Columbus Day — suck it. There was a war. You lost. Sorry. Trust me, the Italians know how you feel. We suck at wars. We used to be awesome at them. That ended some time around 400 A.D. Italians are the Chicago Cubs of warfare. (But you’re the Padres)

Tons of us came here to get away from the consequences of being really shitty at fighting wars. It worked out for us. We gave the world the thermometer, barometer, piano, electric battery, nitroglycerin, eyeglasses, the radio, and The Telephone.

We turned ghettoes into neighborhoods where people would kill to have a studio apartment. We taught the mayonnaise-faces what good food tastes like. We gave America 39 Medal of Honor recipients. We gave America Filippo Mazzei, John Basilone, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Bruce Springsteen, Vince Lombardi, and Gino the Ginny. You know what their middle names are? “Fuckin” that’s what.

We gave America its NAME for chrissakes.

You know what America gave us in exchange? A holiday. Good enough for us.

And you know what? America didn’t even give it to us, we took it. You know why? Because at the turn of the last century, Italians and other Catholic immigrants weren’t exactly what you would call “welcome” here. Yes, they used to lynch Italians too. So, the Catholics and Italians started organizations like the Knights of Columbus as a way to band together against the bigotry they encountered. They thought that by choosing Christopher Columbus as their symbol, it would show that if an Italian “discovered” America, then as Italians, they belonged here.

So you assholes can run your little left-wing crybaby agenda on any one of the 364 other days. I don’t give a damn if you managed to get every crap stained woodstock love child, dope smoker, and liberal academic to weep with you as you look at the pollution on the highway. This is our holiday, and you can kiss my ass if you have a problem with it.

Don’t get me wrong. I generally have nothing but love for my Native American brothers and sisters. I think that they got a crappy deal. I’m with them when they get pissed off at the completely racist Cleveland Indians logo, and I don’t think you should call a team “The Redskins” if you wouldn’t call it “The Jigaboos” (yes, its the same damn thing). I think that America DOES owe the Native Americans a little something — and it ought to be something better than the right to build casinos. We owe them respect, help, and dammit, we ought to put a hell of a lot of effort into preserving their culture.

Shaddap about Columbus Day or I'll give you somethin' to really cry about!

Shaddap about Columbus Day or I'll give you somethin' to really cry about!

But you know what, Tonto? If you have a beef, its with the damn British, the French, the Spanish, and the white-bread assholes who kicked your asses. Lord Jeffrey Amherst gave you the smallpox infected blankets, not Al Pacino. You picked a fight with the wrong people, because the Italians never did jack to you. So get the fuck off my holiday.

Personally, I don’t know why we’re all down on the Conquistadors anyhow. Leonidas killed 20,000 ill-equipped, poorly trained, forced-to-fight losers and we call him a hero for the ages. A couple hundred Spaniards kick the crap out of an entire empire of human sacrificing nutbags who make Jerry Falwell look sane, and we think it was an awful sin?

Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 and then your lives started to suck. Boo hoo frigging hoo. The Conquistadors followed Columbus and took all the gold. Yeah that sucks.

You know what else sucks? When you screw with our holiday.

So here’s the deal. Take out the calendar. No, not that stupid Mayan one that is going to be worthless in three years, the REAL calendar.

You want a holiday? Be my guest. Pick any day on the calendar except October 31, February 14, March 17, January 1, or July 4. I don’t even care if you want Christmas, but picking THAT will be a marketing nightmare.

You know which day would be an awesome Indigenous People’s Day? How about the Friday after Thanksgiving? Most of us have the day off anyhow. The pilgrims wouldn’t have survived without you. So, the day after Thanksgiving, as we’re all resting up and glad that we have four days in a row off, we can thank you. Thank you for saving the Pilgrims’ asses. Thank you for basketball, and chewing gum, and chocolate. Thank you for potatoes and tomatoes. Thank you for the windtalkers. Thank you for really cool art. Thank you for whatever the hell else you did for us. Thank you for not stabbing every person in a Cleveland Indians shirt. Thank you for not setting off bombs at Redskins games. Thank you for being pretty damn cool about one of the most royal screw jobs in the history of mankind.

But most of all, thank you for quitting your damn bitching about Columbus Day.


Snake hunting, anyone?

December 26, 2012

Joe Patrice, over at Above the Law, made me laugh out loud with this: “Florida, the national leader in providing reasons why America can’t have nice things…”

But then he goes on to talk about how Flori-duh is sponsoring a great Burmese Python hunt, in the Everglades, with machetes and guns! There are even PRIZES! A $1,500 prize to whoever kills the most, and $1,000 to whoever kills the longest one.

Sure, its not a lot of money. It wouldn’t even be worth sending my law clerk out there, at her billable rate. But sweet christ on a cracker, swinging machetes through a swamp on a mission to kill huge prehistoric sized snakes that could, theoretically, eat you?

That sounds like fun to me.

Personally, I think that we should just let “invasive” species run wild. I really do not see the problem here. At one time, every species on earth was “invasive.” Where the hell did we get the idea that we need to freeze every ecosystem in the state it was in at some fixed point in time?

But, if the powers that be say “go out in the swamp with machetes to hack the heads off 400 lb snakes,” then I just might take some vacation time!


Steubenville, Ohio: Gang Rape + SLAPP Suit

December 2, 2012

SLAPP suits are never pretty.

This one is particularly troubling.

A couple of members of the Steubenville, Ohio Big Red football team were accused of kidnapping and raping a 16 year old girl at a party. (source, source)

A blogger, Alexandria Goddard, wrote about the incident. Naturally, she was outraged. She wrote another post, in which she also provided a copy of a photo, allegedly taken (or merely transmitted) by a Cody Saltsman.

codysaltsman photo

The photo and related tweets are available here. Tweets like “whore status” and “I have no sympathy for whores.”

Saltsman has not been charged with a crime. He denies, under oath, being at the party at all.

Nevetheless, the comments sections in Goddard’s blog lit up with negative opinions of the young man.

So his parents sued for defamation. (source)

Cody Saltsman and his parents, James and Johna Saltsman, filed the lawsuit through their attorney, Shawn Blake, seeking an injunction to force Alexandria Goddard of Columbus, who runs the blog site prinniefied.com, to remove alleged false and defamatory statements from the blog site. The Saltsmans also are seeking monetary damages in excess of $25,000. (source)

The defamation suit names Goddard and 15 defendants, known only by their screen names and IP addresses. (UPDATE: Amended complaint here)

On Friday, the judge gave the plaintiffs the right to issue subpoenas to ascertain the identities of the 15 pseudonymous defendants. (source)

Jefferson County Common Pleas Judge David Henderson Thursday said attorney Shawn Blake can issue the subpoenas but the people whom Blake is trying to identify have the right to file their own motion to quash the subpoena.

The judge said Goddard, if she knows the identity of the annonymous people, should notify those people of the pending discovery and tell them they have 14 days to file a motion to stop the subpoena and the information being released that will make their identity known. The judge said the Internet providers who will be subpoenaed also should notify their customers of the pending discovery. (source)

For the most part, the defamation claims are off the mark. In the initial complaint, Goddard had a clean Section 230 defense. Since then, the plaintiff filed an amended complaint, which at least tries to plead around Section 230.

As far as the comments go, the majority of them appear to be non-actionable on their face. Review the amended complaint. Some of them, without knowing all the facts, might be capable of a defamatory meaning. For example, some of them accuse the kid of being the “ringleader.” That might be an issue, depending on the actual provable facts. On the other hand, some of them are downright silly to include in a defamation complaint.

Regardless, it seems like Saltsman will have some difficulty in this case (after all, the photo above seems to confirm some of the negative comments). I suppose he may have merely come into possession of the photo from someone who was there, rather than taking it himself, but it seems like a fair comment to presume he was there if he was tweeting and distributing the photo. I don’t see how he can deny that he was joking about it with his buddies on Twitter (unless all of the tweets and photos are part of an elaborate fabrication). I’m really not sure what else you could say about someone to damage their reputation further after you have those facts established.

Sickcrimes blog sums up the allegations for us here:

A girl was raped by at least two football players in Steubenville, Ohio and the act was photographed and/or filmed by several other teens at the scene of the crime. Did they try and stop the two fucknuts? Hell, no. Did they report the heinous act? What do you think? What they DID do was post about it on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

I am really not sure what you can say about a kid that would be more damning than that. Yes, some of the statements might be false statements of fact. But, even if they are, Mr. Saltsman comes to the case with a reputation already colored by his actions after-the-fact. Is it worse to say he was the “mastermind” of the rape? Yes. Is it worse to say that he “orchestrated” the rape? Yes. But, it is sort of like The Dude’s car in The Big Lebowski. When he finds it in the impound lot, it has been crashed, and a vagrant used it as a toilet. Is it really all that much worse when it finally gets blown up?

If the photo above is authentic, and not a complete fabrication, then this guy might have bigger problems than whether someone said something mean about him on the Internet. He certainly has some pretty foolish people advising him. Had he never filed this lawsuit, he would have gone off to college, everyone would have forgotten about it, and that would have been the end of it.

Now, at the very least, he breathed all kinds of new life into the story. At worst, the defendants might have to prove the truth of the matters asserted in their statements. If they can’t do so, and lets just say (for the sake of argument) that Saltsman wins the defamation suit, then what? He’s still the guy who kept photographic momentos of a gang rape and who joked about it on Twitter.


Who really got to North America “first”?

October 22, 2011

When Columbus got here, there were already people here. That didn’t fare well for them. But, who was here first? The Clovis people were here before what we regard as “Native Americans.” And now, we find that the Manis were here before the Clovis. So it seems that if you really trace who was here “first,” what we think of as “Native” Americans got here at least third.

So what difference does it make?

A lot.

Okay, for me, it doesn’t make a hell of a lot of difference, aside from my annual rant against the crying about Columbus Day. But, “we were here first,” as a concept has led to untold strife. From Basque separatists to German nationalists to the Palestinian – Israeli conflict, to American hostility to immigrants, the simple concept of “we was here first” is foul at its core, and its rot leads to division and strife.

I’m not saying that the Native Americans didn’t get a shitty deal. But, the Celts, Gauls, Etruscans, Visigoths, and Hittites got one too. Much of the Bronx used to be Italian. Much of the North End used to be Jewish. Neighborhoods change. Who was there first doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, and is logic that belongs in a sand box outside a kindergarten class.

And besides, most people who think they were there “first” were just the second most recent arrivals.


Ninth Circuit Holds Academic Liberty Pwns Workplace Harassment

May 20, 2010

by Christopher Harbin

My man crush on Judge Kozinksi got kicked up a notch after reading his slammin’ opinion in Rodriguez v. Maricopa County Community College Dist. Here, Kozinksi, joined by Ikuta and Sandra Day (sitting by designation), held that a professor’s racist emails to a college employee listserv on a matter of public importance was protected speech under the First Amendment and thus cannot constitute workplace harassment.

Walter Kehowski is a math professor at Maricopa County Community College.  Kehowski sent three racially charged-emails (presumably to a list-serv) that were received by all employees of the District with email access:  two challenging the District’s support of “Dia De La Raza”, which is celebrated by some Hispanics instead of Columbus Day and another calling for preservation of a White majority through immigration enforcement.   Plaintiffs sued the college and and its chancellor and president individually on Title VII and Equal Protection grounds.  In reversing the district court’s denial of qualified immunity, the Ninth Circuit held that they “doubt that a college professor’s expression on a matter of public concern, directed to the college community, could ever constitute unlawful harassment and justify the judicial intervention that plaintiffs seek.”

The entire opinion is pretty great, but my favorite part is Koz’s coup de grace:

It’s easy enough to assert that Kehowski’s ideas contribute nothing to academic debate, and that the expression of his point of view does more harm than good. But the First Amendment doesn’t allow us to weigh the pros and cons of certain types of speech. Those offended by Kehowski’s ideas should engage him in debate or hit the “delete” button when they receive his emails. They may not invoke the power of the government to shut him up.
Everyone in the Academy should  frame this opinion and hang it on their office walls — the Ninth Circuit has taken a more pro-academic speech position than 99% of them.

Gender Equity on the Supreme Court – Is it Really Irrelevant?

April 30, 2009

Tara Kirsten King

Tara Kirsten King


Recently in Slate magazine, Dahlia Lithwick wrote a compelling piece arguing the high demand for a more gender balanced court. I don’t necessarily agree with some of her language–words such as gender are problematic as a result of socially constructed ideologies, but I do agree 100% with the article as a whole .

“Still, beneath all the formal legal reasoning at the Supreme Court, there are the countless stories of casual influence: the female law clerks, the secretaries, and the family members whose experiences, like Marshall’s, slowly taught insulated justices how much they needed to learn. It’s long past time for women to influence the high court in more direct ways. Women who want Obama to push for gender balance at the Supreme Court need to remind him that fighting for gender diversity at the high court isn’t just for show. The real point may be to tell.” (source)

If I were a religious person I would exclaim, Hallelujah… But instead I’m exclaiming are you fucking kidding me?! The critique of Lithwick is so assanine I find it comical. Suddenly some of the “feminists” are deprecative and claim that advocating for a female justice is essentialist…

“This question is critical. All women do not think the same way, share the same opinions, nor agree on what it means to be a woman in America in the early 21st century. It would be folly to treat women like a deck of cards – “pick a woman, any woman” – and hope that the desired result – that being concern for women – will be obtained based on the presence of two X chromosomes. When politically disenfranchised groups are placed in prominent positions, this danger is ever present. Clarence Thomas and Thurgood Marshall are both African American males, but their judicial philosophies are entirely opposite. Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton share little in common politically despite sharing a race and gender. Thus, in the desire to see a woman on the Court we must be clear on what is desired. I believe what most people are saying when they say “we need a female justice” is that there should be someone on the Court who cares about women’s rights and can effectively articulate those positions. But must this person necessarily be a woman? …However, there are men out there that can understand these concepts. Justice Blackmun – a man – was responsible for Roe and defended that decision, as well as women’s reproductive rights in other ways during his tenure on the Court. Given the choice between a Justice Blackmun and a justice who cares little about the myriad problems women face but who happens to be a woman – most women’s rights advocates would probably take the guy. (source)

Of course men have the potential to be advocates for women as much as women have the potential to be self loathing misogynists. And NO ALL WOMEN DO NOT THINK THE SAME (another thing to be thankful for)…Lithwick is merely suggesting that we need another woman on the Supreme Court—regardless of the way they interpret the world. Herein lies the irony with the critiques–now that we are in the post modern flux of constant gender deviation and deconstruction, patriarchy still trumps through its reproductive and ubiquitous nature and suddenly it appears that equality between men and women is irrelevant. But then again I suppose that is not surprising because life becomes so much easier when we become blind to color, race, sex and gender and stew in our “melting pot.”

The article mentioned above which critiques Lithwick’s “essentialism” ends as follows:“However, it is also true that in any human group, people bring their past and personal philosophies to bear.”
It would then seem to follow that allowing the Supreme Court to go back to a homogenized boys club is sound logic…HA HA HA. I think what I will do is go get my” post-modern stick” of rational thought and start tapping people so they can wake up because saying gender shouldn’t matter in terms of proportionality on the Supreme Court is like saying that marriage rights don’t need to be defined as a measure for achieving “equality” and that Columbus discovered America…


Why am I not Surprised?

January 21, 2009

The Ex-director of Ohio’s Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives was charged with seven felony counts, “including pandering obscenities involving a minor, promoting prostitution and compelling prostitution, according to a Columbus Police Department spokesman.” (source)

HT: Rogier van Bakel

UPDATE: It looks like the charges might be a bit suspect. It turns out that McFadden was arrested because he published a “hooker review site.” Clearly First Amendment protected distribution of information. On the other hand, he also ran a $10 a ticket raffle for a night with a hooker — yeah, that one will be a little more of a challenge to defend.


Can You Buy Porn on Flag Day?

November 21, 2008

Honor the Flag AND buy porn!

Honor the Flag AND buy porn!

Adultland XXX, an adult bookstore in Pulaski Township, Pennsylvania succeeded in its quest to overturn a finding that Adultland violated the Pulaski adult entertainment ordinance by, of all things, remaining open on Flag Day in 2006. See Boron v. Pulaski Twp., No. 1555 C.D. 2007 (Comm. Ct. PA 2008).

The Pulaski adult entertainment ordinance prohibits “sexually oriented businesses from conducting business on a state recognized holiday.” (Op. at 1). However, the ordinance does not specify what constitutes a “state recognized holiday.” In the absence of such guidance, Police Chief James B. Morris, Jr., suspended Adultland’s business license for being open on Flag Day, a “state recognized holiday,” in violation of Section 18. Apparently Chief Morris’ irony meter was in the shop for repairs.

Since it was Adultland’s second violation of [the ordinance], its license to operate was revoked for twelve months.” (Op. at 2) The first violation was issued in 2005 because Adultland was open on Columbus Day.

The court found that it was unclear what constitutes a “state recognized holiday.” Under one Pennsylvania law, Flag Day is a “holiday,” however so is Arbor Day, as are all Saturdays after 12:00 noon. Additionally, any day “designated for recognition” by the Pennsylvania legislature or even a day proclaimed by the Governor, could also be considered to be “state recognized holidays.”

Following Grayned v. City of Rockford, 408 U.S. 104, 108-109 (1972), the Commonwealth Court of Pennsylvania wrote, ”an enactment that requires men of common intelligence to guess at its meaning violates due process.” (Op. at 9). Since the ordinance contains such a lack of precision, it was rendered unconstitutionally vague.

HT: Quizlaw


There are still some flat-earthers

August 5, 2008

I mean that literally. In Do they really think the earth is flat?, a few nutbags who believe the Earth is a disc discuss their ideas.

“People are definitely prejudiced against flat-earthers,” says John Davis, a flat earth theorist based in Tennessee. (source)

I presume (but I haven’t researched it) that Mr. Davis is also a fan of “intelligent design.”

The article contains an interview with scientific author Christine Garwood. She says that it is a “historical fallacy” that mankind once believed the earth to be flat, and only Christopher Columbus’ voyage changed that.

In fact, people have known since at least the 4th century BC that the earth is round, and the pseudo-scientific conviction that we actually live on a disc didn’t emerge until Victorian times.

Theories about the earth being flat really came to the fore in 19th Century England. With the rise and rise of scientific rationalism, which seemed to undermine Biblical authority, some Christian thinkers decided to launch an attack on established science.

And Rhonda Storms continues that attack.


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