RLG Seeks 0-2 Year Associate (Position Filled)

UPDATE: The position has been filled. However, if it is your dream to do this kind of work, I may know of a good firm in Colorado looking for someone.

Randazza Legal Group is looking for an associate attorney with 0-2 years of experience.

The successful candidate must be enthusiastic about practicing in the areas of First Amendment Law and international intellectual property law. I greatly prefer that the candidate be admitted to the bar, somewhere already, but the successful applicant must be ready, willing, and able to take the Florida or Nevada bars. Position most likely based in Las Vegas, but Miami is a possibility. Candidates must be in Las Vegas or willing to relocate to Vegas.

You must be organized. In fact, really organized, because the boss lacks that quality. You must have a healthy relationship with porn. That means you must not be bothered by it, but if you’re all “oh, goody, porn!” then you’re an idiot who will be disbarred with a coke problem before you become profitable. If you have not yet seen The People vs. Larry Flynt, then don’t apply until you see it. If you don’t already know New York Times v. Sullivan before the interview, you’re not going to get the job. I can teach you the rest.

Did you go to a third, or even fourth tier law school? That’s ok. You’ve got the same shot as some asshole who went to Georgetown. (Assholes from Georgetown are welcome, but will get no preference) The only time your alma mater will matter is if you went to Cooley, Touro, University of St. Thomas (MN), Liberty, Regent, or Ave Maria. Graduates of those places need not apply – not even to be the janitor. If you do not know why, then you’re not the right candidate.

What’s it pay? Not less than you’ll make everywhere else, but you’re not going new car shopping with your signing bonus. (Because there isn’t one). I can assure you that if you are selected, you could have made more money elsewhere. We do a lot of pro bono work, and it costs us. That said, if you make me money, then you’ll get more than a “thank you” and a pat on the head. The bennies aren’t too bad. You’ll get to work on cool stuff. We actually make a living doing First Amendment law and international intellectual property work. The firm does a six week retreat in Hawaii every year, all expenses paid. (That is a bald-faced lie. We do no such thing.)

Don’t like swear words? Good. I’m trying to work on that. Maybe you will be a positive influence on me. Speaking of which, everyone else at the place is a positive influence on me, so you’ll probably like them a lot — unless your attention to detail sucks. If that’s the case, then they will eat you alive before I get a chance to fire you.

Send your resume to me with a short cover email. If you are wondering if it is too long, then it is. One page resume only. I don’t have time for some entry-level attorney who thinks that his/her life is interesting enough that they can’t tell me all of the relevant facts on a single page. If it is two pages, the second page better tell me that you wrote The Big Lebowski or you won a Nobel Prize. (And if that’s the case, it belongs on the first page).

If you have any questions that I haven’t answered already, then you’re not the right candidate. Don’t know where to send a resume? Figuring shit like that out is going to be part of your job. Figure it out.

14 Responses to RLG Seeks 0-2 Year Associate (Position Filled)

  1. me says:

    I’d like to nominate Crystal Cox for this position.

  2. senpai71 says:

    Hey, given that Touro’s NY Bar Exam pass rate is so abysmal (15%, last I saw), surely a graduate of that esteemed establishment shows more gumption and pluck than, for instance, an NYU graduate (97% pass rate)… Or is it just because of their religiosity?

  3. It has nothing to do with their religiosity. Cardozo-Yeshiva is more religious-based than Touro, I think, and I would be pleased to hire a Yeshiva grad. (My own children attend a Jewish school, as a matter of fact). No, the reason I will not ever hire a Touro grad is because of some of the people they’ve actually let leave that place with a degree.

  4. G Thompson says:

    TLDR; If you enjoy the fuckin insanity and can handle a cynical, snarky though awesome boss who can actually teach & give you real world experience practicing law please apply!

  5. Eva says:

    I wish I had looked for a job like this when I was young enough to get it. Young lawyers: don’t go to big law firms

  6. Larry McBurger says:

    Great job posting or greatest job posting?

  7. Eowyn says:

    I find myself wishing to apply to graduate school, just so I can apply for this job. Sigh. Shouldn’t have gone into math, I guess.

  8. If you can convince Alexandra Mayers to go to law school and essentially become Darth Vader she’d be perfect!

  9. Ricky says:

    Makes me want to go to law school. Just to work with whoever wrote this piece. On second thought, never mind.

  10. dan says:

    what about someone who just passed the bar in Canada (home of snow and all that stuff?)? would immigration be too annoying to make it worthwhile for you?

  11. Dan Hull says:

    Solid job ad. Re: “0-2 years of experience”, if you can, get someone with one (1) year. Generally, 0 years people are a liability and a time drain, and 2 years-out-people already have fixed bad practice habits and/or are delusional.

  12. Fuck, I’ll take that job. I am admitted in Florida, been practicing for 18 years, I am jointly responsible for the Daytona Grand decision, work with Edinger every week, like porn, can quote lines from People v. Flynt, yada yada…. Screw it. Come to Aspen Marc and I will buy you a beer.

  13. […] I can only speculate as to whether or not Marc Randazza would be willing to rep me in an “Actor’s Remorse” case against Larry Flynt (a man of which Marc Randazza appears to greatly admire according to a recent job posting he wrote f…). […]

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