By J. DeVoy
Planet Fitness is a joke and a toilet. Ostensibly a gym, its policies ban deadlifts and other “unapproved lifts” (i.e., the exercises that accomplish anything), its locations do not have squat racks, it traffics solely in equipment fit for an old folks’ home, and doesn’t have dumbbells going much above 50 lbs, if at all. And why would it? It’s a “judgment free zone” – whatever that means. Yet, its advertisements seem quite judgmental themselves.
Isn’t that hilarious?! Someone with the wherewithal to build his body into something massive through diet, exercise and use of supplements is an amusing comic foil against the skinnyfat-to-waifish mongrels who are the denizens of this “gym.”
The judgment goes father still, though: Planet Fatness has a device called a “lunk alarm,” which screams and flashes when someone drops a heavy weight, grunts, or actually exerts effort. Once the alarm sounds, then comes the onslaught of scorn for fit people from the Reddit commenters and, um,”Rubenesque” figures using the gym. From Wikipedia:
Planet Fitness has a device called the “Lunk Alarm” at all of its facilities. [...] The “Lunk Alarm” sign has a spinning light, and sounds like a tornado siren. The sign also defines a “Lunk”, and it reads as this: “Lunk , n, [slang], One who Grunts, Drops Weights, or JUDGES”.
Had enough? It gets better. Not content to do a disservice to its members by lying to their face about the efficacy of their workouts and lack of “judgment,” Planet Fitness ensures the chains of bondage will never be broken by force-feeding its members, like the ducks that make delicious foie gras. Planet “Fitness” gives away truckloads of Tootsie Rolls to its members, also tempting them with bagels and, get this, free all-you-can-eat pizza on the first Monday of every month. That’s right, why limit yourself to peddling shitty, ineffective workouts when you can compound the damage with junk food! EliteFTS puts it this way:
Imagine that I’m a drug dealer and you’re addicted to crack. You want to get clean but I keep dangling crack rocks in your face, telling you that “No one will judge you.” It’s going to be pretty hard for you to break that addiction when I keep fueling it, isn’t it? Even if I didn’t give you any crack, I’m certainly not helping you overcome your problem. Planet Fitness does the same thing, but instead of crack they throw pizza and candy in front of their clients’ faces.
There are a bunch of different workouts out there that suit the needs of different people. A marathon runner doesn’t need to do Rippetoe or the Texas Method of weight training. Similarly, a football player doesn’t want to speed bike 20-30 miles a day. The common theme, though, is that an effective workout requires effort. Sacrifice. Pain. Planet Fitness, however, perpetuates the bullshit of helicopter parents and mendaciously tells its customers that they’re beautiful just the way they are and they can change if they think about it, no pain or sacrifice needed – and there won’t be any judgment!
Everything Planet Fitness stands for is a lie – but it’s a comfortable one that its customers desperately want to believe in, using it to wrap themselves and their mediocrity with its comforting falsity. Sweating and puking and wanting to die sometimes is part of looking good. In fact, that level of sacrifice is requisite to do anything well. Telling people that won’t be needed to look good is false, but could be excused as puffery to support a business. But lying and telling people they won’t be judged – and taking steps to remove that pesky specter of another person’s superiority, or even worse, realistic criticism – is just damaging.
This blog is a veritable catalogue of America’s pussification. Whiners sue for baseless defamation claims, and scurry like rats when they realize the courts, as well as the public, might punish them for spewing utterly unsupportable bullshit. Wimps surrender their freedoms because some bureaucrat told them they should do so in the name of “safety,” and, hey, everyone else is doing it too so what the hell. And, apparently, congenital losers are created in the gym by hack companies such as Planet Fitness, which exacerbate America’s many health problems while claiming to alleviate them.