Anti-Seizure Precautions

by Charles Platt

Recently I was talking to a criminal attorney who handles a lot of drug cases. I asked him this question:

In the state of Arizona, how much cash can I carry without worrying that the police may take it away from me?

I often drive on Interstate 40, which is regarded as a “drug running corridor.” Anyone who is pulled over for speeding may have his car inspected for residues by a drug-sniffing dog, and if the dog has a cold that day, or just happens to be in a bad mood and feels like barking for no reason in particular, you have a problem, regardless of whether there are actually any drugs in your car.

This indeed was the fate of a single male driver who, according to a local newspaper, failed the dog test near Flagstaff earlier this year. A thorough search revealed no drugs on his person or in his vehicle, but he was carrying around $100,000 in cash. Since this was considered a “suspicious sum,” it was taken from him by the police under the laws of civil forfeiture. He was then free to proceed on his way, without being charged with any crime.

Clearly, I should not carry $100,000 in cash. But how much can I carry? How about $5,000? This is not a hypothetical question, because if, say, I want to buy a second-hand car from a private seller on eBay, and the car is in another state, I might certainly want to carry $5,000 with me.

My attorney had to think about this for a moment. “Well, I think $5,000 is probably okay,” he said finally. But he didn’t sound entirely confident about it.

This of course is by no means the worst fallout from the War on Drugs. The huge prison population of nonviolent offenders is a much bigger source of concern to me. Still, I did find it sobering that I have to think twice before carrying more than $5,000–not because I’m afraid of being robbed by a criminal, but because I’m afraid of being robbed by the police.

I note that the Institute for Justice is doing its best to draw attention to civil forfeiture laws, and may deserve our support.

Mom and Masturbation

 By Tatiana von Tauber

Mom and masturbation. Now those two words that don’t work for me together only that I’m a mom and I – well, you know, make time for myself.  Here’s a fun little article from the Onion about moms and the lacking time they have to do what seems rather easy in the shower for men.  Self-attention is one reason I choose to work part-time.  If there’s no self-lovin’ for mom don’t think things will get taken care of by dad alone.

Happy Mother’s Day and dads, take the kids out of the house.  Really.  It’s what moms want.

Everybody has a price

By J. DeVoy

Including Mr. T.

How did this man go from battering fools on The A-Team to hawking the Flavorwave Oven?  And why is he such a whiner about pizza crust and cooking grease?

Buy your own damn fries!

TSA Employee Confirms Theory

I am laughing so goddamned hard reading this. I keep re-writing jokes about it, and then deleting them. Y’know, sometimes shit is just funny enough without any commentary.

This dude did two things: 1) confirmed what we all know about TSA employees, and 2) pretty much made sure that he is probably not going to get laid again for a long time. (source)

Oh the humanity.

Mass extinction in the offing

By J. DeVoy

I’m agnostic about species depletion and replacement – extinction is consistent with Darwin’s theory of evolution – but some species are too vital for the ecosystem to lose without significantly reordering it.  The International Union for Conservation of Nature has warned that, if species depletion continues apace, the world is headed for the sixth mass extinction in 500 million years.

Some of this die-off comes from the very base of the food pyramid.  Oceanic plankton are disappearing at astounding levels, reducing the sustainable pyramid of food resting upon it.  Another phenomenon, colony collapse disorder, is destroying the honeybee populations crucial to pollenating plants in Europe and North America, further contributing to the  global decline in biodiversity.

Zealot’s censorship attempt backfires (the best $40.96 I ever spent).

Tina Harden of Longwood, Flori-duh decided that four books in the Lake Mary public library did not meet her standards of morality. The Cecily von Ziegesar books Reckless, The It Girl, Notorious, and Don’t You Forget About Me apparently clashed with Ms. Harden’s view of what other people ought to read. So she refused to return them from the library.

“If I turn them in, they will be put back into circulation and they’ll be available for more young girls to read,” said the mother of three, who keeps the four books hidden in a closet. “Some material is inappropriate for minors.”

Harden said she doesn’t want them banned, but she does want the library to put a warning label on the four titles — one in the Gossip Girl series by Cecily von Ziegesar, and three in a spin-off series called It Girl — and make them unavailable to minors. (source)

The Seminole County Library agreed to reshelve them in the adult reading section, but refused to make them unavailable to minors. Jane Peterson, the county’s library services manager said “If we denied access to this particular title, it would be censoring.” (source)

That’s not good enough for Harden, who said that as a taxpayer she should have a say in which books land on the libraries’ shelves. “They’re supposed to be public servants,” she said.
(source)

Unfortunately, Harden’s view of what a “public servant” is supposed to do is a bit skewed.

I used to live in Lake Mary, and I was unfortunately not very surprised that this story took place there. There is a mormon temple right around the corner from this library. My former homeowners association’s treasurer (who claimed that he had a “bachelor’s degree in law” put up a confederate flag to welcome a black family to the neighborhood. That said, Seminole County isn’t all white trash, and they deserve access to books just like the rest of us.

So I called the library and told them that I would pay to replace the books. They were most grateful.

After my check went out, I received the following email from the library:

Ms Harden will be returning the books to the Northwest Branch today. We have also already received several donations of the books. We appreciate you offering to give a donation but since she is returning the books I wanted to let you know that you do not have to send us a check.

Of course, they can keep my $40.96.

Nice work, Harden, you nitwit… now, not only did you fail miserably, but more people than ever before will now have access to the books.

Time to end the drug war

Better men than I have articulated reasons that the drug war is a stupid policy, implemented by stupid people, with stupid results. A picture says a thousand words, but a video wraps it all up in a neat bundle.

The search below turned up an amount of marijuana sufficient to warrant a misdemeanor arrest.

To bust a guy with a little bit of pot, the pigs broke down his door, shot his dog, all in the view of his seven year old kid. And you know what? They were not “just doing their jobs.” There comes a time when a human being exercises free will and says “just says no.”

Just say “No I will not break down a guy’s door and raid his home like he’s a terrorism suspect because he has forbidden flowers in his house.”

Just say “No I will not issue a warrant for you to search his house, if all you are looking for is some forbidden flowers.”

Just say “No I will not participate in this raid, captain.”

And better yet … if you get on a jury, and the defendant is charged with nothing more than possession of some forbidden flowers, then don’t try to get out of jury duty — and no matter what the evidence, do not vote to convict.

H/T: Greenfield

The best commentary on the Harvard “racist” email controversy

We commented on the story, and rather well. But, Eugene Volokh absolutely brings it home in this post.

New Rule…

…No American patriotism allowed on Cinco de Mayo.  It might get in the way of Mexicans celebrating their defeat of the French (an unimpressive accomplishment, really, since everyone beats the French).

Interestingly enough, Cinco de Mayo isn’t even celebrated in Mexico.

Marijuana keeps men honest

Tommy Chong, at a rally to derail the candidacy of Mary Beth Buchanan, said that marijuana keeps a man honest, “because when you lie, you have to remember.” (source)

If any readers are looking for a campaign to donate to (after you write a check to Steve Cohen), it couldn’t hurt the Republic if you sent a check to Jason Altmire’s re-election campaign.

Yeah? Well I have a pussy too…. AND a gavel!

Jennifer LaPenta, 19, spent 48 hours in jail because she entered a courtroom wearing a shirt with the message “I have the Pussy, So I make the Rules.” Apparently, traffic and misdemeanor court judge Helen Rozenberg did not approve of the message. And, presumably by having a pussy of her own, she was immune to LaPenta’s magic pussy power. She had a pussy AND a gavel, and gavel trumps pussy in a courtroom.

“The judge asked me if I thought the shirt was appropriate for the courtroom,” LaPenta said. “I said I didn’t think it was offensive but said I wouldn’t have worn it if I was the defendant.” (source)

Good thinking.

I’m sure that Ms. LaPenta isn’t exactly in the lead for “classy broad of the year,” and she just may wind up on the Darwin Awards one day. Nevertheless, two days in jail for wearing a t-shirt?

Perhaps someone could supply Judge Rozenberg with a t-shirt of her own, along with a copy of Cohen v. California.

Here is a copy of her order.

Old news: Madonna Wayne Gacy settles lawsuit against Marilyn Manson

By J. DeVoy

In late December, Stephen Bier, aka Madonna Wayne Gacy, aka Pogo, settled his lawsuit against Brian Warner, aka Marilyn Manson, and various management figures from the band’s past.  Though Bier’s action sought $20 million, the Manson camp concluded it for a tidy $380,000.00.  There was one remaining issue regarding a judicial lien filed by the defendant law firm, though, which held up a final resolution.

Bier’s complaint was incredible. His claims included Manson’s using the band’s earnings to buy drugs, assorted Nazi paraphernalia, ex-wife Dita Von Teese’s engagement ring, a stuffed grizzly bear, a pair of baboons, and the skeleton of a 4-year-old Chinese girl.

This all misses the real point: If Manson should be liable for anything, it’s failing to make a single good album since 1998′s Mechanical Animals.  That album and ensuing tour were without question his high water mark, standing noticeably above the preceding and enjoyable Portrait of an American Family and Antichrist Superstar.

A Supreme Court decision that I would love to see

Brought to you by the Onion.

Frontline echoes The Legal Satyricon

By J. DeVoy

For several years, this blog has been shrieking about the utter worthlessness of higher education — or at least that its purported benefits are oversold.  Finally, the mainstream media has begun to notice.  Tuesday’s Frontline episode, College Inc., was no exception.

The upshot: For-profit colleges enroll 10% of all students.  Yet they receive 25% of all Federal aid – subsidized by you, the taxpayer – and their graduates are responsible for 44% of all student loan defaults.

This issue is creeping into the legal academy as well.  Florida Coastal Law School – which curiously promotes “tradition” on its website despite being in existence only since 1996 – is owned by the for-profit InfiLaw group, which establishes law schools across the country.  Realistically, these schools do not offer their students the prospects they envision.  We at the Legal Satyricon come from all walks of life and education, and we’re not playing the elitism card here — just calling it as we see it.