Who will look after the dog when God comes for us?

March 10, 2010

There are an estimated 20-40 million cult members whose beliefs have come into conflict with their love of their pets.

This cult is commonly known as “christianity.” Some cult members believe that their leader is a guy who lives in space (sort of like Xenu) and that on the day of “rapture,” he is going to come and pick them all up and take them to his house. Of course, the magic space man will only pick up the faithful, and since animals can’t be christians, they will get left behind.

What is a devout pet lover to do?

Capitalism to the rescue!

A New Hampshire retiree, Bart Centre, started a company called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. The company matches Atheists with Christian pet owners so that if the rapture actually happens, someone will be there to care for their animals.

Promoted on the Web as “the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World,” the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. “If you love your pets, I can’t understand how you could not consider this,” he says.

Centre came up with the idea while working on his book, The Atheist Camel Chronicles, written under the pseudonym Dromedary Hump. In it, he says many unkind things about the devout and confesses that “I’m trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income.” (source)

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets assures its customers that its representatives will not be raptured. Each representative must state in writing that “they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.” (source) The company pledges that no more than 24 hours will pass from rapture to animal rescue, and they say that they have considered the fact that travel may be difficult immediately following the unexpected disappearance of 20-40 million people. “ Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times.


Quick, someone reanimate Ayn Rand!

March 10, 2010

By J. DeVoy

In a delightful smackdown of self-righteous and ignorant Americans who think they have a “right” to everything, including not being inconvenienced, American and Continental airlines will cancel flights rather than abide by new Federal regulations limiting the time flyers can spend sitting on a tarmac.  Under the new regulations, airlines can be fined in excess of $27,000 per passenger if the plane is stuck on the tarmac for more than three hours.  As the article points out, a delayed Boeing 757 can cost the airline more than $5 million in fines.

So, how does the traveling public that actually produces value feel about this?

Frequent flier Dave Wooldridge said he plans to punish airlines that cancel flights by taking his business elsewhere.

“I won’t fly that airline again,” he said. “They risk losing a lot of people if that’s what they become known for, canceling flights.”

Traveler Andrea Ramirez also didn’t agree with the airlines’ tactic.

“I would definitely rather be late than not go at all,” Ramirez said. “That’s for sure.”

Inconvenient as delays are, the people who squeal loudest about this likely don’t fly much.  Such long delays are uncommon and, for frequent travelers, the inconvenience of a cancelled flight is greater than a delayed one. 

“It’s unavoidable that more flights will be canceled to avoid fines,” said American Airlines spokesman Steve Schlachter. “It’s one of the unintended consequences of a bill that has no flexibility.”

PWN PWN PWN.

The entire notion of “rights” is suspect, but they do have consequences once defined.  In this case, airlines have responded by cutting service rather than facing millions of dollars in liability.  The incidents that fueled this regulation were few and far between, but lofty rhetoric like Barbara Boxer’s 2007 statement, “no one should be held hostage on an aircraft,” have brought us to this point.  Hopefully these regulations are not long for the aviation world.


Florida proposes tax credit only for “traditional values”

March 10, 2010

By J. DeVoy

Florida’s Republican representatives have added a provision in a $75 million bill,  intended to attract entertainment business to the state, which would deny a tax credit to television shows not considered “family friendly.”  Shows that feature “cross-generational appeal” and forego smoking, profanity, nudity, sex and obscenity, will receive a tax credit equal to 5% of production costs, instead of the normal 2%.

For entities already producing family-friendly content, such as Disney, a 150% increase in available tax credits based on production costs is pretty nice.  Unfortunately, the rationale for this bill is terrible, and more or less what one would expect from the Glenn Beck crowd.

“I want Florida to be known for making those kinds of movies: Disney movies for kids and all that stuff. Like it used to be, you know?” Republican state Representative Stephen Precourt told The Palm Beach Post.

Precourt, whose district includes Walt Disney World, denied his bill targeted gays by using the term “non traditional family values.”

Yet when asked whether shows with gay characters should receive the tax credit, he said “that would not be the kind of thing I’d say that we want to invest public dollars in.”

Precourt’s premise seems flawed: People may think of Disney when they think of Florida, but plenty  reflexively associate the state with Miami and, specifically, cocaine.  Still, families headed by same-sex couples are a growing group, and face the same issues as traditional families.  ABC’s Modern Family depicts same-sex parents in a way that seems positive – there hasn’t been any widespread outcry over it – and is evidence that shows can depict the “responsible resolution of issues” required by the bill irrespective of a character’s sexual orientation.


There is apparently only one Lindsay

March 9, 2010

Lindsay Lohan has filed suit against eTrade for using the name “Lindsay” in its Superbowl ad. (source) Apparently, Lohan’s position is that eTrade used the name “Lindsay” to trade off her name and likeness. The complaint is here, and a perfunctory review of it leads me to the conclusion that it is a piece of shit. Of course, in addition to handling right of publicity cases, her attorney also handles traffic tickets (source).

Here’s the commercial.


Is Porn good or bad for society?

March 9, 2010

Kate Harding doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to take it away, even if it is bad. She does, however, demand evidence for any claims to the contrary. (source)


Babies are evil

March 9, 2010

proof


Don’t shave your pubes and drive

March 9, 2010

Don’t shave your pubes while driving.

Megan Mariah Barnes, 37, learned this lesson the hard way.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. (source)

Oh, the genius gets better. This is Flori-duh, after all.

shaving-beaverThe day before the accident, Barnes was convicted of DU with a prior arrest and driving with a suspended license. She was supposed to turn her car in for impounding, and her license was suspended for five years, and she was on probation for nine months. I guess that explains why after the crash, she and her ex-husband switched seats and left the scene of the accident. When they were caught, the burns on her ex-husband’s chest (from the passenger side airbag, which deployed in the accident) belied their story that he had been driving. (source)


Westboro Baptist Church gets its day in front of the Supreme Court

March 8, 2010

Cert. granted in Snyder v. Phelps. Regular readers already know that I reluctantly side with Westboro on this one.


Has anyone seen Bill Ogletree’s coat?

March 8, 2010

If you’ve seen it, please contact me so that we can arrange to have it delivered to him.

That way we can help Continental Airlines, the City of Houston, and a restaurant at the Houston airport avoid a costly lawsuit.

You see, Bill is an attorney and he lost his coat. If he doesn’t get it back, some-fuckin-body gonna get sued!


ANTI SLAPP MONTH: My SLAPP experience

March 8, 2010

By J. DeVoy

Although SLAPP suits are uncommon events, they influence real-world, extradjudicial interactions between different entities – especially in disputes.  Groups and individuals can leverage tacit threats, insinuations and asymmetries of power to silence their opposition without ever going to the courthouse.  Similarly, just as the broad effects of SLAPP suits have trickled down to apply outside of litigation, so too will the benefits of the Citizen Participation Act, which provide defendants with remedies for lawsuits that seek merely to silence them.

I have been SLAPPed in my own way.  In 2006, a professor circulated letters to the entire faculty and administration of my undergraduate institution, accusing others and me, all editors of a newspaper we created, of being racist, proponents of genocide, and bigoted; he further demanded sanctions against us.  None of this came to pass.  The school’s administration sought our silence by offering an apology from the professor — an apology that never came.  (He did, however, make a vague statement to us that included the phrase “teachable moment” before it was popular.)  I therefore have no compunction about sharing this story, especially in light of this month’s focus on SLAPP issues.

I. Three Friends and I Discover Journalism and the First Amendment.

In April 2004, four mouthy and egotistical friends came together at my undergraduate college to do something bold and new.  I was one of them.  The year had been a frustrating one: We had been lectured ad nauseam by the Dean of Students about our widespread distribution of a list titled 10 Things You Can’t Say on Campus – a brief screed against administrative waste, blatant quotas and bloated sports programs – and encountered difficulties getting our voice heard in the existing student newspaper.  Combining our talents, time and connections, we decided to create our own newspaper.

Armed with $500 from the Leadership Institute and Microsoft Publisher ’98, our paper – we’ll call it The Herald – was born.  Intended to have a libertarian/conservative bent and take-no-prisoners attitude, we considered nothing to be sacred.  We called out the school’s residence life office for confiscating and destroying one editor’s beer pong table.  The student government’s incompetence was ridiculed when its largest event of one school year, a concert, went far over budget; the event was mocked in a satire piece that concluded in the stage’s collapse and demise of the entire featured band.  (Many tears and hurt feelings from the student government ensued; we laughed.)  We tackled other issues, such as campus visits by controversial figures, including Syrian diplomats.

The Herald was a thrilling endeavor, but a taxing one.   The paper grew to proportions the four driving members never truly anticipated.  The Herald‘s alumni include members of the bar, law students, accountants, bankers, political operatives, teachers and other graduate students.  While being good training for meeting deadlines, conducting research and producing good writing under considerable pressure, the paper was an intense grind.  Yet, because of our collective diligence,
 our publication became the most-read – and most controversial – on campus.  Just a few weeks away from its sixth birthday, the publication lives on today.

II.  The High Price of Free Speech.

In early 2006, one professor (say, Professor Pissant, or just “Prof. P”) took umbrage at our content.  Instead of ever identifying these issues to us, or reaching out to any member of the paper, he took matters into his own hands.  Prof. P sent a letter accusing me and other editors of racism and advocating “genocide” to every member of the faculty, distributing physical copies of it into every professor’s individual mailbox.  Prof. P then distributed another letter throughout the administration, to academic deans and the college’s President himself.  In this letter, Prof. P  sought sanctions against me and other editors, including mandatory diversity “sensitivity” training.

On a college campus, the only thing more serious than being accused of racism is being accused of rape.  Rape allegations, however, generally are not made by tenured professors.  Additionally, they are not hand-delivered to the inboxes of every faculty member and do not originate on the desk of the institution’s President.

My fellow managing editor at the time, now a law student at another school, worried about the consequences with me.  In addition to affecting law school admissions, any repercussions would have effects on our character & fitness applications in any state.  We were convinced we had done no wrong.  Fortunately, so was our faculty advisor.

Our paper’s advisor, a former S.D.N.Y. clerk, supporter of free speech and mentor to us all, acted as our surrogate in dealing with the school’s administration.  Without any convincing on his part, the administration concluded that our exercise of First Amendment rights through the paper was not racist or bigoted in any way.  Much damage had been done, though, through Prof. P’s letter to every member of the school’s faculty.  Our class selection for the subsequent 2006-2007 school year, our senior year, was limited by fear of other professors’ prejudice and reprisal based on Prof. P’s accusations.

The college’s administration promised us a meeting with Prof. P, but it was never scheduled.  We heard, but could never confirm, that he refused to meet with us out of fear that those named in his letter would bring a defamation suit against him.  While a defamation claim against Prof. P might have succeeded, it wouldn’t accomplish what we sought: To ensure Prof. P, or any other tenured professor, would never again abuse his or her power over students in the way he had.

III.  Finally, a Remedy?

To this day, it’s shocking that Prof. P, a tenured professor, used his power as he did against students only 20 years old.  While not the same as a SLAPP suit, the basic principles are identical: One party with all the power can hold a hapless defendant hostage for offending its delicate sensibilities, however meritorious and constitutionally protected the defendant’s speech.  More shocking is that this affair occurred within the collegiate context, where free inquiry, debate and rigorous analysis are supposed to be celebrated, rather than silenced through fear and intimidation.

A Federal anti-SLAPP law like the Citizen Participation Act wouldn’t address this particular situation.  But it would provide momentum for groups like the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education to further fight against campus speech codes and other restrictions on student expression.   This law could also embolden victims of such out-of-court misconduct to file harassment claims and expose these abuses of power.  Ideally, the effects of this bill will extend far beyond the pages on which it is printed.

The greatest effect of a Federal anti-SLAPP law, though, would be to remove the perverse incentives that exist for this exploitative censorship in the first place.  Congress’s passage of the Citizen Participation Act would send a clear message that such conduct is unacceptable.  And, while individual free speech would still be protected, the bill would dissuade people from trying to silence opposition in a manner that could blossom into litigation.

While every contributor to The Legal Satyricon is opposed to SLAPP suits, I have a personal interest in seeing the Citizen Participation Act become law.  Beyond writing to congressional representatives, informing everyone with an interest in this bill about how it can affect them is a great way to start.  Hopefully, this bill’s effects will not be limited to the courts.


A Blogospheric Get Well Card

March 7, 2010

Many of you may be familiar with Professor Michael Froomkin of the University of Miami. Apparently he needed emergency open-heart surgery, but is recovering well. Agree with him or not (I usually do not) you must respect his intellect, ethics, and intellectual honesty. I am not sure that I know how to bestow higher praise than that on an academic. If you have a moment, please pop over to his blog and leave him a “get well message” from Satyricon Nation.


Sunstein calls for “cognitive infiltration” of dissident groups

March 7, 2010

Cass Sunstein, drunk with his little thimbleful of power he got by being given a job in the Obama administration is really letting his statist colors show through. Sunstein takes a page out of the Bush administration’s playbook and suggests that the government should engage in “cognitive infiltration” of disfavored political groups. (source)

Cass Sunstein, a Harvard law professor, co-wrote an academic article entitled “Conspiracy Theories: Causes and Cures,” in which he argued that the government should stealthily infiltrate groups that pose alternative theories on historical events via “chat rooms, online social networks, or even real-space groups and attempt to undermine” those groups.

As head of the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs, Sunstein is in charge of “overseeing policies relating to privacy, information quality, and statistical programs,” according to the White House Web site.

Sunstein’s article, published in the Journal of Political Philosphy in 2008 and recently uncovered by blogger Marc Estrin, states that “our primary claim is that conspiracy theories typically stem not from irrationality or mental illness of any kind but from a ‘crippled epistemology,’ in the form of a sharply limited number of (relevant) informational sources.”

By “crippled epistemology” Sunstein means that people who believe in conspiracy theories have a limited number of sources of information that they trust. Therefore, Sunstein argued in the article, it would not work to simply refute the conspiracy theories in public — the very sources that conspiracy theorists believe would have to be infiltrated. (source)

When the Bush administration infiltrated anti war groups, it did so merely to gather information about the people in those groups. When word of that hit the streets, the Left freaked the fuck out — as it should have. Where the hell are these free speech advocates today?

Cass Sunstein — one more reason that I will not be donating to the Obama re-election campaign, nor will I be voting for him in 2012. CHANGE does not mean replacing stupid petty fascists with simply intelligent petty fascists.

H/T: Dillsnap Cogitations


ANTI SLAPP MONTH: More on the Citizen Participation Act

March 7, 2010

By J. DeVoy

The Public Participation Project (PPP) weighs in on the importance of the Citizen Participation Act, which Marc previously discussed.  In the midst of an ongoing war in Afghanistan and malaise over gossamer healthcare reform, PPP notes how a preoccupied Congress and public may overlook this important issue.

With so much happening these days: Afghanistan, Guantanamo, Health Care, Jobs, the Climate, and other big happenings in the First Amendment world, including libel tourism and reporter’s shield legislation, so much ado about some meritless lawsuits may seem misplaced.

[...]

[T]he concept of SLAPP has broadened, as judges, academics and practitioners across the country recognize that lawsuits are an increasingly-used weapon against speech that some people and businesses would rather have silenced. If a group of parents complains about the management of their children’s charter school, the response by the school’s management is to sue the parents for defamation. If a union seeks to have local governments issue resolutions against a food manufacturer, the response of the manufacturer is to sue the union for racketeering and conspiracy. If an upstart website posts information about local real estate deals, and names a law firm doing those deals, the law firm’s response is to sue the website for trademark infringement.

Indeed, while the world has been preoccupied with broad problems, the increasing damage done by SLAPP suits has been visible only to victims and their attorneys.  Ending this abuse of the courts is an important bipartisan issue.  But the Citizen Participation Act is important because of its provisions for wrongly sued defendants to recover fees resulting from the litigation, which currently do not exist under Federal law.  PPP summarizes this facet of the bill succinctly and convincingly:

H.R. 4364 has several key components. The single most important component is the ability of a defendant who is hit with a SLAPP to recover fees. This is critical, because it allows a defendant who otherwise could not afford an attorney to secure an attorney on a contingency basis. Second, the defendant can bring a special, early motion to dismiss, and while the judge is deciding the motion, neither party can take discovery. These provisions are absolutely key to protecting a defendant. SLAPPs aren’t typical lawsuits; they do their work through the process of litigation itself. Stopping the process and providing counsel is the only way to combat the SLAPP, which is why normal remedies, like a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim, is inadequate.

Of course, this is for nothing if Congress doesn’t pass the bill.  If this is an important issue for you – and, as an internet user, it should be – take the time to write your congressman using our template letters.  The Citizen Participation Act is the kind of change we all can believe in.


Awesomeness — OK Go – This Too Shall Pass

March 7, 2010

H/T: Immigrant Song


Volokh on Reason.TV

March 5, 2010

If I were president, hands down, this cat would be my first choice if a Supreme Court seat opened up. I don’t agree with him on all issues (far from it) but he’s principled, intelligent, and consistent.


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