By J. DeVoy
Over at Feminist Law Professors – a story I assuredly did not find on my own – a new way to “quiet down the men in your life” is proposed.
Pee stools! (Available here.) This is a logical step forward for Japan, the world’s leader in high-tech toilets and worthless, effete men. Combining these trends, we arrive at the pee stool, a bastard demon-spawn of unusual trends if there ever was one.
The female obsession with men’s ability to stand while peeing is nothing new and something women have tried to devalue by standing to pee themselves. Apparently, with 40% of Japanese men sitting to pee anyway, this is a redundant invention for that country. Audibility seems to be another way men “oppress” women with their comparative biological advantage.
The obvious answer is to turn on the faucet while going. In my experience, women need to be more conscientious about doing that than men do. But, welcoming the installation and forced use of these stools in public areas would be worth it for the resulting splashback–pun intended–alone.
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Such machismo! If you’re worried about the noise, just SIT DOWN!
I would undergo a vasectemy before I kneel to pee. I mean, what about the ball busting type of woman that would actually ask her man to use this? The man clearly would not be getting laid before this.And now this. What is the fun of having a penis if you cannot use it?
I’ve been taking medication for a cold, and it has obviously affected my ability to distinguish between news stories and humor columns. First it was the All-American Basketball Association, and now this! For a moment there I thought these folks were serious.
More evidence that the “feminist law professors” are just a bunch of male-hating hacks. Could you imagine the outrage over there if there was some kind of similarly humiliating piece of shit designed for women?
I don’t kneel in church, I don’t kneel for anything. I certainly as fuck do not kneel to piss, because some someone might bitch about the noise from it.
DeVoy, you might wanna be careful here. Your new Facebook friend might report you to the bar for anti-womynist thoughts for posting this.
In my experience, the biggest Dickheads make the loudest splash and miss the toilet completely.
LMAO – kneeling to take a leak. Can this idea really be the very same culture that brought us bukkake??
Also the culture that produced the Rape of Nanking (do you think it was just a name?) less than a century ago. There’s been a massive de-masculinizing of Japanese culture if you want to read about it.
Holy shit! I fell over when I read that bukkake line. Amen. Fucking hilarious.
Japan have one of the most great bathroom where the tech is way better the in the state.I think that we should consider to get one of those
Pee stools are for wimps! Clearly, the next logical step is to make male urination illegal in Japan. If you can’t hold it in, you’re not worthy…
[...] J. DeVoy – “Audible Urination, the Final Frontier of Male Privilege” [...]
I almost bought an old Moose Lodge a few years back. It would have given me a men’s bathroom, and I was eagerly anticipating a wall-mount urinal in my loft. My experience with women is that they find urinals even less attractive than audible peeing.
In law school we had a bidet system that we installed in our regular shitter. I will admit that at first I was a little scared to use it, but after finding the proper warm water temperature, my undercarriage NEVER felt better. Imagine not having to worry about chafing, the unappealing odor of swamp ass, or clogging up the septic system with 2-ply. The bio-bidet with the heated seat and fragrance fan was by far the best invention the Japanese ever gifted this world and because of it I promised myself NEVER to question their wisdom EVER. Therefore I will embrace the Pee Stool, I probably will not buy this product but I refuse to make fun of the people who have brought so much joy to my balls, taint, and butt-cheeks.
Gillette (sponsor of Tiger) invented the disposable blade safety razor. Same result, made in the USofA. There are other advantages too.
Why would I care about hearing men pee? Why would any woman care about hearing men pee? Now, as for splashing… if you splash, you wipe off the seat, no? I don’t get why anyone would care about this.