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More terrifying than SARS, Bird Flu, and H1N1 combined. More scarier than a SHOE BOMB wearing SOCIALIST! Its…. THE DAMN DIRTY APES!!!!!
Everyone laughed at Zippy the Chimp, and Clyde from the Any Which Way movies… but did anyone see how the apes were plotting their attack? Placing “Ape Cells” among us? Jesus fucking christ on a crutch! There are organized groups of apes in EVERY MAJOR CITY!!!!
And now THEY are on the move.
To make sure that NONE of us feel safe, they attacked in Stamford, Connecticut — one of the whitest, safest, richest places in America! They attacked this man, ripping off his face AND his testicle! The apes are planning to take over, not just through force, but by rendering us testicle-less, and then by raping our women! Look at them and their perverse ape ways!
And now, just like IRAN, they have WEAPONS!
Apes want our women!
fap fap fap
And meanwhile, you sheeple just laugh, coddle, and love these insidious creatures. Meanwhile, THEY are planning the next MONKEY ATTACK!!!
For as long as there are apes in America, the homeland security warning system should be at PERMANENT RED!!!!!
ALL YOUR APES ARE BELONG TO US!
I call for WAR on the APES NOW!!!!!
H/T to Connolly for raising my awareness of the problem
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Laugh all you want, but APE LAW as shown in the movies is far superior to our own.
How many social ills could be cured if human offenders and miscreants knew they’d be surrounded by their friends and neighbors, all screaming:
APE HAS KILLED APE! APE HAS KILLED APE!
Followed by a prompt stoning. Sure we’d have to modify it to fit the crime, and it would get wordy, but:
APE HAS INFRINGED APE’S TRADEMARK! APE HAS INFRINGED APE’S COPYRIGHT!
would still deter, as long as it was followed by the stoning.
Apes may argue that the 2008 Heller decision grants Apes a right to bear arms but there’s a serious question as to whether the decision applies only to humans, a question left open by the Supremes. Even if Apes also benefit, Heller doesn’t constrain the states from establishing appropriate Ape arms regulations. Background checks for every Ape! Laws to eliminate straw Ape gun sales at unregulated Ape gun shows! There’s much we can do to stop the scourge.
[...] Marc Randazza was once once of humanity’s most trusted leaders. Hell, like I said before, he declared the War on [...]