Porn makes you happy?

Last week we learned that Utah has the highest per capita porn consumption.

Today we learn that Utah is the Happiest State.

PORN = HAPPY

Credit to Gill Sperlein.

You’re Doing it Wrong

The shoe was totally askin’ for it.

The records required pursuant to 18 U.S.C. section 2257 and 2257(A) and 28 C.F.R. 75 for all materials contained in the website are kept by the following Custodian of Records:

Hugh G. Rection
69 Woody Street
Dildo, Newfoundland, A0B 1P0

Why Email Starts Fights

Fascinating. I guess now I understand why I prefer video chat to email.

Indian Politician Wants “Slumdog” Song to be Public Property… (so he can use it in his campaign)

by Jason Fischer

“Anyone should be able to use the song. ‘Jai Ho’ should not belong to any one; it belongs to the country,” claims Atul Shah, an Indian politician who is seeking election (source). The song, from the film “Slumdog Millionaire,” won this year’s Academy Award for Best Song. Even if it had not, its title, which translates to “Be Victorious,” would work quite well in campaign ads or at rallies. Unfortunately for Mr. Shah, his political opponents have already secured the exclusive rights for those uses from the owner of the intellectual property. His solution: End Intellectual Property Rights Now!

On another note, it is hard to ignore the irony in this situation. Many credit the incumbent party – the ones that Mr. Shah hopes to defeat – with the poverty portrayed in the film. One opposition party member, Nanendra Modi, is quoted as saying that, “[i]f it were not for Congress misrule for the last 60 years, there would be no slums and then no slumdog (film) and no Oscar.” If “Slumdog” was intended to be some kind of protest or criticism, why would its producers agree to license the song to those responsible for their outrage? I guess they must not be too worried about street cred.

Loss of America’s Beautiful Mind

Tatiana Von Tauber

By Tatiana von Tauber

My philosophy instructor’s teaching method was very unconventional for an otherwise conservative Brit. He didn’t make students write papers but instead creatively elicited outside the box thinking. Assignments were fun, as we were given total freedom in how to express our thoughts and ideas. The focus wasn’t on proper academics but on the enjoyment of internalizing the philosophical concepts themselves, which could be mind-stretching. He allowed imaginations to fertilize the garden of so ideas. I had a great time and aced my assignments because that kind of learning optimizes my interest, desire and retention.

The Absurdity

When I compare European and the American schools of thought, I slam into the baseline of why I fear for America’s future: there is a loss of common sense about living, loving, and learning  here. Never mind that my son has to sing God Bless America after reciting the Pledge of Allegiance every morning in 3rd grade or that girls have to get creative with their moms to figure out how to sneak maxi pads to school without them being seen through their required clear plastic backpacks. There’s lots of absurdity sense there: song for religious patriotism and clear backpacks for safety.

What about the sense of the rules forbidding the exposure of shoulders, backs, chest, and other personal areas? When did shoulders become a hot erogenous zone? Since when are they such a threat that they must be placed in the same category as personal areas to cover up in an effort to eliminate student distraction?  Did I miss the “Armpits Become Sexy” brief?

In the Georgia school system, where my children attend, there is a prohibition on “displays of affection”. What kind of display of affection are children disallowed, I wonder. A hug? Holding hands? A peck on the cheek by youth learning the power and joy of puppy love? Heaven forbid teens steal a kiss before class; the exchange of saliva might pose a health threat.

I’m seeing a total breakdown in the beauty of the American mind – one that was once free and enjoyed life – and the pollution from the runoff as the American mind decomposes is filtering into the schools and coming to rest in my little ones’ psyches.

More Absurdity and the Creation of Fear by Moguls

The American consciousness is no longer one of the pioneers, nor of “give me liberty, or give me death.” The American unquenchable thirst for freedom has turned into a parched landscape of fear. Enough of a majority buy into it and sell that which we once held as the core of our existence. Like a spoiled child, the government tests how much freedom it can take away — selling its confiscation as being for our own safety, but isn’t this jingoism overplayed? Perhaps it is time for a new PR company to capitalize on ignorance and stupidity as they hush the intelligent and creative. Americans put up with it. They want to be safe, pampered, taken care of, reassured that they will continue to have access to American Idol. For that, they would sell everything that it means to be American.

We ask our leaders to, well, “lead,” yet those very same people demand strict enforcement of absurd rules such as all children must have their shirt tucked in at all times and must wear a belt if pants have belt loops in school and during any school-related activities off campus. The penalty for breaking the dress code can result in a possible one day in-school suspension between the second and fifth offense; off-school suspension for offenses thereafter. My public school system demands Sunday school obedience and behavior while precious tax dollars fund teacher police.

My daughter faces odd anxiety, sometimes panic attacks every night when planning her outfit. She’s already dealing with culture shock and an international move. Last night we ruled out 5 of her 13 outfits she hasn’t grown out of yet as possibly inappropriate for school here but acceptable in Germany. This morning I had to measure that her skirt was no more than 4 inches above the knee even though she had on leggings, which must be worn with a regular length dress according to the dress code. She said she worried all day about getting a warning because her skirt rode up an inch or two on the leggings she must wear to hide the horrible eczema and open sores she justifiably wants no one to see on her bare skin.

I’m wondering if I missed the part in the handbook where she has to hide her face. Kids are already forbidden to bring sunglasses to school, their clothing must be hemmed, pants cannot touch the floor, tank tops are off limits and 4th and 5th graders have been forced to stand facing a wall with their hands up on it as though about to be frisked for up to 60 minutes when they disobeyed the no talking rule in the bus room.

Sex, Drugs and Rock-n-Roll No More

I’m sorry. Have I landed on another planet or is this really America, the land of the free, home of the brave? Where have all the cowboys gone? I’m surrounded by bad guys and their philosophies reflect illusions of freedom in their shiny guns. How is it even possible that common sense freedoms have slipped through American fingers? I’m in dismay after only a short time back in the United States.

America’s war on terror is the least of our problems. We’re facing a war on youth that lacks all reason, but comes with a heaping helping of absurdity. I’m stunned that Georgia considers these punishments to have any semblance of proportionality. Talking is a severe offense here it seems and teachers – to abide by school rules and to keep their jobs – are treating children like potential criminals. There is no presumption of goodness in our children. Children are being indoctrinated to shut up, put up, do what you’re told, all in the name of order.

What’s necessary is teaching children creatively and nurturing their developing social skills, encouraging their potential and respecting their voice, thoughts and new blood ideas. In the age of the Internet facts are at our fingertips. Creativity will shrivel on the vine are unless we trust our children to find their place in the world that we adults have messed up for them. One day they’ll realize just how screwed up their parents really were.  Revenge is the nursing home. Beware!

Albert Einstein said “it is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge” and “the true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination”. My philosophy teacher taught creatively and made learning fun. Granted we were adults but kids are better, smarter and more capable than most adults give credit for. The ability to have fun in school sparks a desire for learning and that always creates a positive impact.

Censorship of Fun

It boggles the mind that fun has become so threatening to America. What happened? Did the Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers forget the beauty of youth? Do they consider the irony of their current war on joy as they sit in the misery of their own creation and then dictate limitations on freedom because they want to “protect” their children and grandchildren from the very experiences they had in their youth? Are they tempted by youthful freedom and vivaciousness as the religious are tempted by sex? Must they, like the religious, outlaw any temptations that might be too difficult to resist? The young don’t need Viagra and let’s face it my generation is getting old and I hate to say it, bitter to youth.

Exactly why does adult authority feel the need to “protect” the young quite so much? Didn’t they (we) have the freedom to enjoy their (our) youth? Were times really safer then or is it simply that we weren’t constantly bombarded by the fear-mongerers?  I really don’t know but I take an educated guess the latter is a stronger force than the former. Lets face it, programs get funded when you can whip parents into a frenzy.

Like life always finds a way to grow in a niche, youth will always find a way to rebel. When we tighten the grip, we merely force them to find a new way to slip through our fingers. If we should fear anything, it should be the creativity of youth when forced to find new, secretive outlets for the natural capacity for a teenager to test boundaries. Unfortunately, in encouraging them to do so, we also teach them that they courage, bravery, and having a voice are all negatives — and as American youth loses those traits, we lose more than the mess we may need to clean up on a Monday morning. Schools – specifically my kids’ school in Georgia – is nurturing obedience as though children were dogs to train, God’s children to scare into moral and appropriate behavior or robots to program. I keep looking for the Stepford wives.  I hear their hair is perfectly hair-sprayed.  I let mine flow wild in the wind.  That’s how you’ll know I’m real if you see me on the street.

Nobody sane should be against reasonable boundaries, but boxing in our youth’s minds and clipping their wings too early is not a reasonable boundary. Social control has become complete control. Reason forces questions and self-responsibility and one cannot control others when others question authority’s justifications for mandated rules. Our young generation and freedom  itself  is in danger if fear as we morph into a society that values obedience over creativity and reason.

Daughter Like Mother? Perhaps Not for Bristol.

By Tatiana von Tauber

Dr. Marty Klein’s recent post Bristol Palin’s Wisdom: Better Than Science? is more excellence from the Legal Satyricon’s “primary care doctor.” Klein explains the frustration of science being overlooked but teen expertise being “superior”, particularly among the media with respect to premarital sex and pregnancies.  I’d like to add a few thoughts:

Though I empathize with Dr. Klein’s view and agree, it’s important to keep in mind where a good majority of minds are coming from on the issue of premarital sex, abstinence and birth control.   Unfortunately, kids don’t relate to science though it would be nice if more did.  Youth relates to each other and Bristol Palin would be a fantastic candidate for advocating comprehensive sexual education among the conservative circle.  Us adults might not like her as the “expert” but really, she is in her own way. 

She got screwed by her boyfriend, her mother, conservative society and the media and now pays the price.  Her expertise comes from not scientific facts, research, surveys and polls; it comes from real life mistakes and nothing teaches us better than when we learn from them.  Should Bristol Palin do so, it’s her responsibility in her “16 minutes of fame”, as Dr. Klein puts it, to do her part in ensuring other young girls don’t get trapped by views her mother so strongly holds, views she apparently doesn’t share. 

If Bristol Palin accomplishes this, she’s a good kid turned great woman.  She was simply wrongfully guided by conservative society about sexuality and birth control.  It is unrealistic to manipulate teen hormones and not expect rebellion. In a way, after seeing how the new county I live in fears children into “proper behavior”and that I live in a very faith-based town in the U.S. south (lucky me), I’m gaining an idea about just how fear is used to control and direct kids into “morality” and when you’ve got a mother who’s a moose killer, you listen.  I’d love to blame Bristol for her youthful stupidity but really, I blame the adult stupidity that created Bristol Palin’s fate.  She had choices and wasn’t given the right to make them. 

Let’s see if Bristol Palin uses her whiplash famed power with more intelligence than her mother.  It would be good for women, feminists and American families.  It’s her choice now.

The Man at the Wheel on the Massachusetts Quarter!

The Satyricon in Chief and the future Mrs. LS in 2006.

Numismatics is not a regular topic here. But, as some loyal readers may remember, the Satyriconista in Chief is a native of Gloucester, Massachusetts — where he is currently spending a little time with the family. Accordingly, yes, it is going to be a few slow blogging days from the SIC.

Slow blogging week or not, I’m pretty excited that the people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts voted overwhelmingly to place The Man at the Wheel on the back of the next edition of the Massachusetts quarter.

The bronze Man at the Wheel, created by sculptor and photographer Leonard Craske, was installed on Stacy Boulevard in 1923, the 300th anniversary of Gloucester’s settlement. (source)

Just as importantly, it is the place where you have your parents take a picture of you and your girlfriend if you think you might get married to her one day.

How Is Flori-duh’s “Abstinence” Program Working Out?

About as well as can be expected. Rachel at Feministe has the full dope.

Horny Utah? A Utahn’s Perspective

Regarding this post from last week, here is Andy McCullogh’s view on it. McCullogh is a First Amendment Lawyers’ Association brother from the Beehive State.

Wow, Our Readers Are “Conservative”

I tried out the “Vigilance” theme for about an hour. I got six emails complaining about it in that hour. I surrender!!! The look and feel will remain the same… for now.

Sometimes the Klansman is Right: Freedom of Association Lynched by Nebraska Supreme Court

Robert Henderson

I reported last March on the case of Robert Henderson, a Nebraska State Patrolman who joined the KKK, and for that he was terminated by the Nebraska State Patrol. His case has been resolved by the Nebraska Supreme Court, and not only did he lose — I think we all did.

The Background

Whatever we may think of Henderson’s decision to join the Klan, it was clearly his First Amendment right to do so. However, the Nebraska State Patrol thought otherwise and terminated him because their internal investigator found that Henderson’s membership in the KKK “reflected negatively on the State Patrol and brought the State Patrol into disrepute. (Op. at 242). The State Patrol fired him, and he brought his case before an arbitrator (a common occurrence in employment law cases), and the arbitrator determined that Henderson’s termination violated his collective bargaining agreement because it was a violation of his First Amendment rights to terminate him for merely belonging to a disfavored group. (Op. at 242). However, the State filed suit to vacate the arbitrator’s decision, and the Nebraska state court set aside the decision on the grounds that there was a “well defined and dominant public policy of [the] state,” which was violated by reinstating Henderson to his duties as a State Patrolman. (Op. at 242).

The Majority – Legal Goatse

The Nebraska Supreme Court sided with the state and upheld the termination. The court said that it might be appropriate for Henderson to bring a civil rights claim for a violation of his constitutional rights, but that the arbitrator’s award reinstating Henderson to his position was unenforceable as a matter of public policy. (Op. at 245).

The opinion is nothing less than legal goatse. The Nebraska Supreme Court discussed the nature and principles of arbitration, then it discussed the “public policy exception.” For laypeople, when a court decides something as a matter of public policy, it essentially makes its decision based on what it thinks is a “good idea.” This is not necessarily a negative exercise. It is certainly within a court’s power to do so, and this is the power that allows a court to look at a terrible result into which the law may have hog-tied it, and to say “since we think this kind of decision would be absurd, we won’t render it that way.” However, a court should not use public policy as a trump card. This should be its last resort, and public policy should never trump the Constitution — the Constitution is presumed to be solid public policy in itself.

The Court gives us an overview of Henderson’s KKK activities, which were rather innocuous. Henderson joined the KKK in 2004 after his wife left him for a Hispanic fella. He made a few mild posts on a couple of KKK message boards under a pseudonym. (Op. at 253). Then, the court gives us a brief overview of the KKK and what complete douchebags they are. (Op. at 254) Then the court circled back to public policy, discussing Nebraska public policy:

The State of Nebraska was founded only a year or two after the Ku Klux Klan. Nebraska entered the Union on March 1, 1867, upon the “fundamental condition,” imposed by Congress as a requirement for Nebraska’s statehood, that “there shall be no denial of the elective franchise, or of any other right, to any person, by reason of race or color.” Among the first official acts of the newly assembled Nebraska Legislature was to transmit to the President of the United States its authenticated assent to that condition, so that the President could proclaim Nebraska’s admission to the Union. The principle that laws should be enforced without regard to race is, in this sense, not only a fundamental public policy of the State of Nebraska—it is the most fundamental public policy of the State, as the condition upon which Nebraska’s admission to the Union depended.

It is nice that Nebraska doesn't take kindly to this kind of thing... but what about the First Amendment?

That “fundamental condition,” as an expression of public policy, is reflected throughout Nebraska law. The Nebraska Constitution provides that “[n]o person shall be . . . denied equal protection of the laws” and, as recently amended, also provides that “[t]he state shall not discriminate against, or grant preferential treatment to, any individual or group on the basis of race, sex, color, ethnicity, or national origin in the operation of public employment, public education, or public contracting.” And since 1867, this state’s motto, expressed on the Great Seal of the State of Nebraska, has been “Equality Before the Law.” (Op. at 259-260)

After giving us this noble history of the Great State of Nebraska, the court explains that “Efficient law enforcement requires mutual respect, trust, and support.” (Op. at 263) It then looks to my beloved Commonwealth of Massachusetts for guidance on such matters. Expressing agreement with the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, the Nebraska Supreme Court wrote:

we hold that Nebraska public policy precludes an individual from being reinstated to serve as a sworn officer in a law enforcement agency if that individual’s service would severely undermine reasonable public perception that the agency is uniformly committed to the equal enforcement of the law and that each citizen of Nebraska can depend on law enforcement officers to enforce the law without regard to race. We emphasize that this public policy is only implicated by behavior of the gravest nature. But we find that Henderson’s knowing and willing affiliation with the Ku Klux Klan is such behavior. (Op. at 263-264).

As a result, reinstating Henderson to his position would violate Nebraska’s public policy.

In joining [the KKK], he endorsed a point of view that is completely antithetical to the principles of Nebraska law that he was bound by oath to enforce. He provided direct financial support for the Ku Klux Klan’s racist activities. And his membership has provided the Ku Klux Klan with valuable publicity and propaganda.
…
One cannot simultaneously wear the badge of the Nebraska State Patrol and the robe of a Klansman without degrading what that badge represents when worn by any officer. (Op. at 265).

The Dissent – The Minority Gets it Right

The Nebraska Supreme Court may have felt that it was doing the right thing in this case, but as a First Amendment advocate I must reluctantly side with the Klansman. I believe that the Court created dangerous precedent, which was not far-reaching, but which knocked out just a bit of plaster from the wall protecting our right to freedom of association. In this case, I think the two judges who dissented got it right.

In this case, the arbitrator found that Henderson was fired not “because of his actions on the job,” but, rather, “because of his beliefs and because he sought out others who shared his beliefs.” The arbitrator determined that “the antagonism [Henderson] seems to feel towards non-white racial groups has never reared its ugly head on the job” and that the State Patrol “was not able to point to a single instance on the job” where Henderson’s actions “exhibited any hatred, anger, disgust, or discrimination towards any minority group.” The arbitrator found, based on the State Patrol’s own data, that Henderson conducted traffic stops “in a race-neutral manner.” The arbitrator found that while Henderson may have personal philosophies that would disgust many citizens of Nebraska, nevertheless, he has well- hidden those beliefs and they have not interfered with his impartial enforcement of the law. The Arbitrator has been persuaded that, to just about anyone he knows or interacts with professionally, [Henderson] projects himself as “an example of stability, fidelity and morality.” Furthermore, there is no evidence or credible testimony that [Henderson’s] affiliation with the Knight’s Party/ KKK impaired “the operation or efficiency of the State Patrol or the employee” or that his reinstatement will likely impair “the operation or efficiency of the State patrol or the employee.”(Dissenting Op. at 267)

The arbitrator found that there was not even “any minimally-persuasive evidence that [Henderson’s] actions or beliefs would cause disruptions in [Henderson’s] ability to effectively work with the Patrol’s black Troopers, or that [Henderson’s] actions or beliefs would cause the Patrol difficulties with respect to the morale, efficiency, or good order of the State Patrol.” (Dissenting Op. at 268).

The Dissent agrees with the majority that it is, and should be, the public policy of Nebraska that the law should be enforced in a non-discriminatory manner. However, the arbitrator found absolutely no facts to support a conclusion that Henderson would act in a discriminatory manner.

And it cannot be said on this record that such conduct is even likely, given the arbitrator’s finding that despite his personal beliefs, Henderson has never breached his duty to enforce the law fairly and impartially in the past. With respect to his future conduct, Henderson would be bound by his oath to enforce the law fairly and in a nondiscriminatory manner, and he would be subject to the same civil and criminal liabilities as any other public officer if he failed to do so.(Dissenting Op. at 269)

The Dissent correctly analyzes the issue by criticizing the majority for substituting its perception of the facts for the findings rendered by the arbitrator, and by ignoring some curative instructions given by the arbitrator. But, the most poetic language in the Dissent is this passage:

I am concerned that the majority understates the significance of the arbitrator’s finding that Henderson’s Paperworkers v. Misco, Inc., supra note 4. discharge violated his First Amendment rights. Again, while we may disagree strongly with this finding, we are bound by it in the procedural posture of this case. That being so, the result reached by the majority necessarily implies that it is willing to ignore the State’s violation of Henderson’s constitutional rights because if he were reinstated, the public may perceive that he may violate someone else’s rights in the future, despite the arbitrator’s specific findings that he has never done so in the past. In my view, this apparent subordination of individual constitutional rights to the “greater good” poses a far greater risk of harm to the public policy of this state than reinstating one misguided trooper and reassigning him to some mundane position well behind the front lines of law enforcement, where he would pose no actual or reasonably perceivable threat to the mission of the State Patrol or the welfare of the public it serves.(Dissenting Op. at 273-274).

Unfortunately, in cases like this, the unpopular cause is often the loser. Courts lack the backbone to back the “bad guy” and don’t realize that the next disfavored group may be an Islamic religious group, the American Socialist Party, or simply the party out of political power.

This decision is an awful example of the judiciary failing to exercise proper judicial restraint. While I wish the KKK would simply go away, judicial fiat will not accomplish this task. On the other hand, enough judicial fiats, and nothing may be left of the First Amendment. Shame on the Nebraska Supreme Court.

Just as importantly, I think that this kind of decision lends strength to the Klan, but takes it away from those of us who oppose its views. If we want to silence the Ku Klux Klan and starve it of members, we can do it by winning in the marketplace of ideas. My beliefs are strong enough that they can stand forever in opposition to those of the KKK. I am disappointed that the Supreme Court of Nebraska does not have the same degree of faith.

Latin Hooters?

My former student and current good friend, Kevin Wimberly has entered the Blawgosphere with his Florida IP Trends Blawg.

And of course, here he goes, obsessed with boobies and giving us his opinion on Latin Hooters!

That is all I’m going to say about it, because his post is freakin awesome. Welcome to the blogosphere, Kevin!!!

MJR on NPR Re: Auto Admit Case

I appeared on National Public Radio today discussing the AutoAdmit case. The show is available here.

Broken link fixed.

EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

Littering And….

Harnum, livin' the life!

It must be a slow press day in North Port, Flori-duh, when the fact that two guys tried to eat all their weed when they got pulled over makes the newspaper. (Hmm, what it says about this blawg is another story).

Robert Leonard Harnum and Nathan Lee Guara, both of Port Charlotte, were arrested early Saturday after being stopped by North Port police on Toledo Blade Boulevard.

Police stopped the pair because they failed to dim their high beams when approaching oncoming traffic. Arresting officer Miguel Segura reported that he noticed a smell of marijuana coming from the vehicle when he approached it.

After checking the identification of the vehicle’s occupants, Segura said he walked back to the car and found both men covered in a “little, green leafy-like substance” he identified as marijuana. Both were chewing, and having trouble, swallowing, Segura reported. (source)

The police are also charging Harnum and Guara with “tampering with evidence.” I doubt that charge will stick. If that were the case, then anyone caught smoking a joint would also be guilty of tampering with evidence. That’s Flori-duh for you.