Happy Birthday Natalia!!!

She’s one year old today.

Glenn Beck’s Attempt to Rape and Murder Free Speech in 2009 — Thwarted

Free Speech Wins Again.

The Decision is available here:
Glenn Beck v. Isaac Eiland Hall, WIPO Case No. D2009-1182

Other case documents available here:

Complaint
Request for Stipulation
Response and annexes.
Supplemental Filing
Surreply

I am delighted that I got this decision today, which is the birthday of my friend and mentor, Larry Walters. Larry, this win is hereby dedicated to you. Happy Birthday.

UPDATE: Respondent Isaac Eiland-Hall voluntarily gives Beck the domain, saying “point made, sir.”

Asshat or Imbecile?

Even if he was right, and it wasn't illegal.. WTF?

Lets say you make $94,000 a year in a great job as a clerk at the Massachusetts Court of Appeals. Lets then say that some kid emails you asking you to write a term paper for him for $300, and you agree to do it.

Does that make you an asshat or an imbecile?

Now lets say that the “kid” was really an undercover investigative reporter.

That makes you screwed.

Damian Bonazzolli, the man in question, even wrote to the undercover reporter that there was nothing illegal about writing a term paper for money.

In an email exchange, Bonazzolli said turning in a paper that he had written would not be illegal. “I am aware of no state or federal statute that prohibits such a practice. This is not the equivalent of, say, lying on a federal employment or tax form,” he said. “Could your school take disciplinary action? Of course. But that’s quite different from a criminal prosecution.” (source)

Maybe he should have asked Bob Ambrogi before rendering that opinion. Bob found that Massachusetts has a law directly on point.

Of course, I would hope that someone in his position wouldn’t need to care about whether it is illegal or not.

H/T: Debra Weiss

Sweet Home Trademark Infringement FAIL

Ah kin file this here Lannem Act violation fer ya!

The University of Alabama needs to fire its attorneys and fire its public relations department.

Daniel Moore is a famous artist who has devoted his painting career to depicting scenes from Alabama football games. Some dim wit at the University of Alabama decided that A) this violated the University’s trademarks (because Moore painted the players in their crimson and white uniforms) and B) that it might be a good idea to sue him for trademark infringement.

Moore denied violating trademark laws and claimed his art is speech protected by the U.S. Constitution.
U.S. District Court Judge Robert Propst, in an opinion issued Monday, rejected the university’s argument that Moore’s paintings violated trademark law by showing Alabama players in their crimson and white uniforms.
“This court concludes that the depiction of the uniforms in the paintings is incidental to the purpose and expression of the paintings,” said Propst, a University of Alabama graduate. He said the purpose of the paintings was to “artistically depict and preserve notable football plays in the history of University of Alabama football.” (source)

Alabama… come for the incest. Stay for the morons.

The domain business is full of sleazes? O RLY?

I am shocked… SHOCKED to hear that in domain name auctions, “SnapNames admitted that one of its executives was shill bidding…”

The article accurately states:

Anyone who doesn’t know how dirty the domain name business is just doesn’t know the domain name business.(source)

Wonderful Things

Science fact of the day: Blowjobs provide an evolutionary advantage. Boingboing.

Quote of the day: “The First Amendment means nothing if we don’t protect reprehensible speech.” Jon Katz.

I shaved my balls for this?

My slick and shiny balls

Well, that was fast.

This lawsuit got filed, and before I got to have any real fun with it… the Above the Law Lawsuit was dismissed. I got to write one measly letter.

Shame… I was really hoping to open up this can of whup ass I have lying around. Now what am I gonna do with it?

Hat tip to commenter #9 for the title.

Shame on Maine

Maine’s citizens have voted to repeal the civil rights of their neighbors. Shame on Maine.

Boulder Police Chief, Mark Beckner, You are the Asshat of the Week

Mark Beckner. Douchebag.

Beckner is exactly the kind of petty little douche that becomes a cop because he got beat up too much as a kid. Rod Farva and Salvatore “dude” Rivieri come to mind. Beckner represents exactly the kind of cop that should be stripped of his badge, covered in shit and bees, and then rolled off a cliff in a shopping cart. Why? Because when people don’t respect his authoritah, he decides that it is time to use draconian sex offender laws to get his way.

Beckner’s previous claim to fame was running the JonBenet Ramsey case. Bang up job you did there, Beckner.

Now, as police chief, he’s ready to put a stop to a rampant sex offense that is about to ruin Boulder — its annual Naked Halloween Pumpkin Streaking Event.

Yes, on Halloween in Boulder, Colorado, people put running shoes on their feet, Jack O’Lanterns on their heads, and they run through the streets. For nearly ten years, people have engaged in this tradition. They brave the cold, and run through the streets as onlookers throw candy. Beckner calls it a “free-for-all.” (source) Beckner decided, personally, that this kind of thing needs to come to an end. According to the Wall Street Journal, Beckner planned to “station more than 40 officers on the traditional four-block route… , with two SWAT teams patrolling nearby. All [with] orders to arrest gourd-topped streakers as sex offenders.” (source)

Ooh! Chief Beckner! Can I have a job at the Boulder PD?

This isn’t a cop deciding to do his duty and enforce the law, mind you. See, it isn’t actually illegal to run naked through the streets of Boulder. Boulder is actually pretty comfortable with public nudity. So, Beckner decided that he would use Colorado’s state indecent exposure statute.

C.R.S. 18-7-302: states: “A person commits indecent exposure if he knowingly exposes his genitals to the view of any person under circumstances in which such conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to the other person. In other words, if it isn’t bothering anyone, nor is it likely to do so, the nudity isn’t illegal. This event starts at 11:00 PM, when the kids are all home in bed, and the Naked Pumpkin Run route is lined with throngs of cheering fans who are there specifically to see the spectacle, how could any reasonable person think that this was “likely to cause affront or alarm?”

Police acknowledge they have not been flooded with pumpkin-run-related complaints, but say that’s beside the point. A throng of naked people with jack-o-lanterns on their heads is, by definition, an alarming sight, Chief Beckner says. Therefore, it’s illegal. (source)

*beep*

Thats the sound of my petty-little-authoritarian detector / bullshit detector going off.

Well, how about this? Lets try and give Beckner the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe the Naked Pumpkin Run isn’t illegal, but the public is outraged and the guy has to do something.

*beep*

There it goes again.

Citizens aren’t complaining. But, what about the politicians? Maybe Beckner just doesn’t want the city elders getting their panties in a twist?

*beep*

At a recent forum for city council candidates, all 10 participants said they disapproved of the threatened crackdown.

Even Mayor Matt Appelbaum, who supports the police, admits to a tinge of worry that arresting Halloween streakers will tarnish Boulder’s reputation as, well, Boulder.

“I’m a little old for it, but it could be pretty cool to be running around with a pumpkin on your head and not much else,” says the 57-year-old mayor. (source)

Nevertheless, Mark Beckner wants to arrest people (using SWAT teams, no less) for an offense which, if it leads to a conviction, will require those people to register as sex offenders. Most of our sex offender laws are absurd. Laws are never good if they are named after dead children or passed due to the cries of grieving parents. Last month, Rogier van Bakel

Respect Beckner's authoritah or you will be on the sex offender list!

gave us this post, which showed the ludicrous results that these laws have brought about.

This story teaches us two things: 1) It reaffirms Rogier’s point that its time to scrap our sex offender laws. They are a dragnet that sweeps up way too many people for way too petty offenses. 2) It shows us that when we hire law enforcement officers with tiny penis syndrome, where their heads get red with rage that the damn citizens don’t just do as they are fucking told then that personality defect can lead to disastrous legal results.

Beckner, you’re a douche and the asshat of the week. By the way, how’s that JonBenet Ramsey case coming along?

Mattel finally learns how to “chill”

by Jason Fischer

One of the chores inherent in the practice of law is that one has to read a lot of really REALLY dry court opinions. It’s always nice when you find judges out there who recognize this, and make some effort to keep it interesting. One of my favorites from law school has always been Mattel, Inc. v. MCA Records, Inc., 296 F.3d 894 (9th Cir. 2002). Well, this week saw an interesting footnote added to that opinion.

The Back Story

Most will probably remember that there was an annoying pop song, which was recorded back in the 90’s, called “Barbie Girl.” The group Aqua’s single claim to fame was a huge success, despite being about as appealing to listen to as nails on a chalkboard — don’t let the number of stars assigned to this YouTube clip fool you.

If anything, I have to admit that I find the song amusing, and unlike 2 Live Crew’s “Pretty Woman,” I can believe that Aqua actually created the song to poke fun at the materialistic nature of Mattel’s Barbie franchise, instead of coming up with that justification after a lawsuit has been filed. True to form in those days, Mattel was not amused with Aqua’s parody, and decided to do what it always did back then… file an infringement lawsuit. While the case was pending, a Mattel spokesperson went on record, criticizing the defendants for not respecting their intellectual property rights, which of course spurred a defamation counterclaim.

The trial court made short work of both sides’ allegations, dismissing all with a summary judgment. The court determined that the Aqua song incorporated Mattel’s trademark as a means of identifying Mattel, not to unfairly compete with the toy company. That’s fair use.

Everyone appeals, hilarity ensues

Hon. Alex Kozinski (who is probably better known for more recent events) sets the tone for his now-famous opinion in the first line: “If this were a sci-fi melodrama, it might be called Speech-Zilla meets Trademark Kong.” From there, he explores a brief history of the Barbie doll’s origins as an adult toy, modeled after a German hooker — something I’m sure that Mattel would rather not have reported on. Moving on to an expert legal analysis of the balance between the First Amendment and intellectual property rights, Kozinski concludes by boiling down the defamation claim as unsustainable:

MCA filed a counterclaim for defamation based on the Mattel representative’s use of the words “bank robber,” “heist,” “crime” and “theft.” But all of these are variants of the invective most often hurled at accused infringers, namely “piracy.” No one hearing this accusation understands intellectual property owners to be saying that infringers are nautical cutthroats with eyepatches and peg legs who board galleons to plunder cargo. In context, all these terms are nonactionable “rhetorical hyperbole,” Gilbrook v. City of Westminster, 177 F.3d 839, 863 (9th Cir. 1999). The parties are advised to chill.

Mattel slunk away, licking the wounds of its latest intellectual property litigation defeat. For the next several years, it appeared as if they had not learned their lesson (see, e.g., here, here, here, and here). However, yesterday morning, the doll maker launched an ad campaign that demonstrates that they may have finally hired a decent attorney who gives better advice grown up. (source)

New commercial with altered lyrics

---

This story was originally published on GaneshaFish.com

Is the Recession Over?

This seems to suggest that it might be… but what the hell do I know?

Gov. Schwarzenegger tells the California legislature how he really feels

The Governator sent, along with some unsigned bills, the following letter to California lawmakers.

Check out the first letter of each line

(source)

Scientology is a Fraud? No ham for me! Pass the Jesus, please. Nom nom nom

The French decided to indict the Church of Scientology for fraud.

If found guilty, the church could be forced to shut down in France, though appeals could see the case continue for years.

“This is a process in heresy,” Daniele Gounord, the spokeswoman for Scientology in France, told reporters.

The two plaintiffs, both women, say they were defrauded by the organization, which is classified as a sect in France.

Their complaints focus on the use of a device that Scientologists say measures spiritual well-being. Members use the electropsychometer, or E-Meter, to “locate areas of spiritual duress or travail so they can be addressed and handled,” according to Scientology’s Web site. (source)

So lemme get this straight: Scientology is a “fraud,” because they believe in aliens and e-meters.

Don't nom nom nom the magic space zombie jew guy! Nom nom nom meeeee!

Meanwhile, Jews and Muslims think that there is a supreme being that gives a shit if they eat ham, and who demands that they cut a little piece of their dick off.

Christians believe in a magic space zombie, who happens to be a Jew, and who Muslims think is a prophet, but only christians eat a little cracker that is made of magic space zombie jewness. Muslims take a month off from eating for a guy they can’t even see pictures of, let alone see the real guy. Mormons believe that a guy who couldn’t find a job found these magic tablets that nobody else could see, and found out that the magic space zombie jew guy didn’t die, but he moved to Utah and turned bad people different colors. Hindus and their octopus people who shit fire? Are you kidding me? And an e-meter is bullshit??? If ONLY the worst thing a “religion” ever did was sell you shit that didn’t work! You know what? Sea monkeys don’t really look like the picture in the comic books either! Big shocker!

Scientology sounds like bullshit, but compared to “mainstream” religions, it sounds downright sensible, and nobody who believes in saying “nom nom nom, I just ate God,” has any business calling Scientology a “fraud.”

If the French are gonna indict Scientology, I hope they’re lining up all the frauds and scam artists.

Line up the priests, the rabbis, and the imams and indict the lot of them!!!

Hiring a Legal Asistant 101

"Do you really think that I'm perfect for the job?"

Helpful hints for finding and hiring a legal assistant:

• Make sure you use an online listing service.  Craigslist is always a good one.
• Always do a good job of describing what you’re looking for.  Use explicit language, whenever possible.  For example, stating that you are seeking an “energetic woman” for “general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers” seems to be a winner.
• Next, in addition to a resume, be sure to ask for some personal information, such as photographs and “a description of your physical features, including measurements.”
• When you receive applications, always follow up with an email, including more information about what the position entails.  Here’s a great example of the kind of thing you should write:
  

  In addition to the legal work, you would be required to have sexual interaction with me and my partner, sometimes together sometimes separate.  This part of the job would require sexy dressing and flirtatious interaction with me and my partner, as well as sexual interaction.

• To be sure that everyone understands what is expected, you will want to make performing sexually a part of the interview process.

(source)

H/T Becky

…and after you’ve hired your dream assistant, here’s some advice on keeping her.

Eat Your Dog

Looks like one of the least eco-friendly things you can do is … have a dog.

Of course, SUV hating hippies all have dogs. So, what’s a hippie to do?