The Roca Labs Order

October 28, 2014

There are plenty of articles out there on Roca Labs. I’ll just provide the order, without comment.

Ok, one quote:

As Plaintiff has not demonstrated a likelihood of success on the merits of any one of its claims, it is unnecessary to address the other requirements for injunctive relief. (Opinion).

Alfonso Ribiero has not made any comment about this. I didn’t ask him either, but just sayin’.

The Candy Bitch

October 26, 2014

I make no secret about the fact that I do consider open bloody class war to be an ok way to fix things. “Life is like a stew, you have to stir it frequently, or all the scum rises to the top.”

I felt that way when I lived off $300 a month, $60 of which was for the rent in a pantry in a place known as the Elmer Phud House. But, back in my Phud days, I had this sneaking suspicion that if I ever managed to be one of the lucky ones one day that I would change my tune.

I’m pretty well off now, so I’m actually there. I am on the other side of the fence, and the grass is way fucking greener over here. Yeah, I got problems. We all got problems. But, back when I was scraping by, wondering if I would ever be able to save up enough money for a down payment on a car, much less a house? Those were real problems. Rich people problems are bullshit.

Much to my surprise, I have not changed my tune.

So let me yell to you from this side of the fence. I’ll stand here on that green green grass that my kids are playing bocce on, barely noticing the gardeners who trim it ever so expertly:

You really, really, really should kill us all.

We are disgusting. We spend more money on a car than you do on a house. We spend more on some dinners than you spent on your car. Think about that.

And we, as a group, flip the fuck out any time you might want us to chip in a few extra bucks for the goddamned roads, schools, and bombs. As a group, we can’t stand the thought of food stamps. Damn “welfare queens live better than we do!” Well, that’s what we say. We can not fucking believe it that so many of you idiots believe that, and actually blame each other for your problems.

I could say #notallrichpeople and try and absolve myself. I give a lot of money to charity. I do tons of pro bono work. I’m “one of the good ones!” But nah. You can’t go picking the peas from the goulash. If they let any of us live, they can’t know where the cancer will come from again. They had to kill all the members of the Russian royal family, lest the Romanovs come back. So, its time to just haul out the battering rams and bum rush the gated communities.

We really have reached that point. It is time. Dust off Pol Pot’s playbook.

Because we finally reached the tipping point where it has to happen:

The Candy Bitch.

The Candy Bitch wrote in to “Dear Prudence” looking for advice. Free advice, because why pay her fucking shrink — shrinks are generally considered to be “the help.”

I would summarize it, but then you would think I was lying. Here it is.

Dear Prudence,

I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

—Halloween for the 99 Percent (source)

The fucking fuck?


Prudence responds as a polite advice columnist should. She gets a wee bit snarky. In part:

Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks.


When we have reached a point where anyone in America thinks that maybe the rif-raf shouldn’t be holding out their hands asking for some fucking CANDY, then we’ve finally arrived at the point where we do need a reboot. As Tom Robbins said, “Life is like a stew, you have to stir it frequently, or all the scum rises to the top.”

And here we are with generational wealth at an all time high. The same fucking names keep coming up, Bush, Clinton, Kennedy. Watch a movie, and ask who the actors’ parents are – better than average, they’ve inherited their place on that screen. You just can’t get into the senate or house unless you’re already a gazillionaire.

And the final cherry on the top of it?

There are actually people who have come to the point that they don’t want the poor kids coming by and taking a few pennies worth of candy.

I’m not going to enjoy watching the 99% burn down my house and take all my shit. Of course, my money is not in the house, its all squirreled away in offshore bank accounts, because fuck you. So, I’ll leave the insured crap behind, and run out the back gate with my wife and kids. I’m heavily armed, so I might even shoot a couple of them if they block my way. Then I’ll move to Italy and pay more taxes

But, should I stumble and they put the noose around my neck, the last thing that goes through my head as they hoist me up will not be “shit, this is pretty unfair.”

It will be “fuck you, Candy Bitch.”

Oh…. Candada? Stop trying to be like us!

October 26, 2014

Dear Canada,

You’re already pretty awesome. The weather sucks, but if you ever get around to that Turks and Caicos thing, you can have your own Hawaii.

I don’t like to join in when Americans make fun of you. They do that because they don’t know you. (I do admit that I hum “Blame Canada” once and a while, but if you get the joke, that’s not really making fun of you).

I’d say I know you pretty well. Remember when we met in 1988? Yeah, the time I went into Foufounes Electrique somewhat bewildered, and left really drunk, then the acid kicked in, and next thing I knew I was about to get the shit beaten out of me by Quebecois nationalists, who could not understand why the fuck I was in their bar? Then some Quebecois punks came in and explained the situation, and they hung out with me for the next three days, and I’m still friends with them to this day? That was cool, Canada. Since then, we’ve gotten to know one another even better. Those times in Vancouver? The friends you’ve sent me? I even decided to take the pain in the ass NCA exams, to get licensed to practice in Canada. Just because we’re such good friends.

Such good friends that I usually correct people when they say “oh, they’re just like us. No, Canadians are not just like us. In fact, I consider it an insult to you when anyone calls you “The 51st State.” That’s stupid, and douchey, and ignores some pretty cool and significant history.

But, you know how I get all pissed off when people say that my buddy, Canada, wishes they were America? Yeah, you never even need to raise your voice about that, because I stick up for you.

Well, you just made it a little harder to stick up for you.

I’m really terribly sorry about Corporal Nathan Cirillo. I can see how you might actually say that he was your favorite citizen. I mean, you can’t pick favorites, but if you picked him, who could fault you?

And now, as bummed as you are about it, it seems like you’re at least considering being more like us. (source, source) Some people might say “what’s wrong with that?” We’re pretty cool, aren’t we?

No. No we are not.

You see, for all the mythology, America is not who you want to be like when you have a bad day.

Because we are a bunch of mewling fucking cowards.

When something like this happens, we rush to get to work. We throw up more roadblocks and checkpoints. We make it harder to get anywhere near our government buildings. We strap on the body armor, and as we take our last shit for a while, we wipe our ass with our Constitution.

We react to even imaginary enemies and threats with hang-wringing, the elimination of civil liberties, and we let abject flunkies do it to us. While the mythology says that we are the cocky bastards who scream “give me liberty or give me death!,” that just isn’t us anymore.

We aren’t Patrick Henry’s kids anymore. We are now the bastard children of John Cornyn and Sarah Palin. John said, famously, “you don’t have any civil liberties if you’re dead,” and Sarah Palin said “ooh, shiny!”

You know who you want to be like? Be like Norway.

Norway had a really bad mass shooting. You know what they said? “Fuck you, we’re not changing anything.” That’s how you do it, if you want to be cool.

Remember, that idiot we let run things here for a while? The one who said “they hate us for our freedom.” We got rid of the freedom, and they still don’t like us, but you don’t see us restoring the freedom any. Nope.

So look, Canada. I really do give a shit about you. And, I know that it is really tempting to just follow us. We cut a wide swath, and drafting off the big guy always makes riding a little easier. But, this time, take a look at where we’re headed.

This isn’t the way you want to go.

The Laws of Uranus

October 26, 2014

As an discussion about space grows longer, the probability of a mention of Uranus approaches 100%.

He who is the first to mention Uranus wins the thread or conversation.

Legal Pop Culture Citations

October 23, 2014

Marc’s recent post on How to Cite to Walter Sobchak, along with another friend’s comment on citing to The Pirates of Penzance, has inspired me to create a new Wikia. A compendium of this sort is long overdue.

Legal Pop Culture Citations Wikia

Your recommendations/assistance would be appreciated.

Looking for:

    Song lyrics
    Movie quotes
    Play quotes
    Book quotes
    TV quotes.

Thank you.

Thank you again, Rick Scott

October 23, 2014

I wish I could have had the luxury of growing up and living and spending my entire life in a nice place like the American West, but I was doing other things. As a matter of fact, when I think about it now, the place I lived longest in my adult life was Florida.

Back when I lived there, I might have given a shit who became governor. Today, I do not.

I just love pointing and laughing at Rick Scott. The guy not only looks like a penis in a suit, but he’s just plain comedy gold.

Watch Charlie Crist’s face. That guy should never play poker. He’s standing there with that “no, not me! I don’t have an aces over kings full house, nope… giggity…”

Woman Charged Under Revenge Porn Law – Oh, Shocker

October 22, 2014
No I wd not cuz I no wut im talking about, LOL thx bai.

No I wd not cuz I no wut im talking about, LOL thx bai.

I hate the whole revenge porn thing. Not just that people do it, but I hate talking about it. Why? Because the whole subject just attracts bullshit like tourists with fanny packs attract gypsies.

One of the biggest sources of bullshit it attracts is the MacKinnonite-Dworkinite “legal scholars.(1) That’s the wing of feminist “thought” that sees everything in terms of “its the girls against the boys, and the boys suck.” They all banded together to make revenge porn a “civil rights” issue, and a gender issue, most inconveniently failing to investigate the facts.

They tend to see this as “a thing men do to women.” Guess what. It ain’t.

Here is how they look at it:

In 2009, Professor Danielle Keats Citron published “Cyber Civil Rights,” arguing, for the first time, that we ought to understand and address cyber harassment as civil rights violations. In that article, she called for a cyber civil rights legal agenda to prevent, punish, and remedy bigoted online abuse that make equality in our digital age “more of a slogan than a reality.” As she documented, the Internet has “all too often reflected and reinforced the offline world’s power imbalances.” Cyber harassers “raise the price” women, sexual minorities, and other members of historically subordinated groups “have to pay to engage with others on- and offline by forcing them to suffer a destructive combination of threats, reputation-harming defamation aimed to interfere with their employment opportunities, privacy invasions, and denial-of-service attacks because of their gender, race, or sexual preference,” she explained. (source)

That was stupid then, and it is stupid now — the notion that online harassment is in any way more focused on anyone by virtue of their race or genitalia. That might have been the case back when there were no women on the Internet. But, even then. Monica Lewinsky claims to be “patient zero” with this shit, and who was her key tormentor? Linda fucking Tripp. And case after case after case shows that harassers are often women, and frankly, more of the serious cases are involving women doing the harassing.

That is in no way intended to mean that I believe that it is 180 degrees from what the “Cyber Civil Rights” idiots think. They’re 90 degrees off, not 180. If we kicked all men off the Internet for a year, I would not imagine that things would improve, at all. Trying to make this a gender issue might serve a publication agenda — because academia loves that shit — but that’s the only thing it serves. It sure as hell does not serve any quest for truth.

So with that as a backdrop, we find this. At least one journalist seems surprised that the first conviction under Virginia’s revenge porn law is a woman. As she is someone whose exposure to revenge porn is probably limited to reading a few stupid blog posts and press releases, coupled with the male stereotypes that she probably carries (fairly, I suppose), her surprise is not all that surprising.

But, when we look at what happened here, is anyone really surprised? News reports about the conviction describe the perpetrator’s motives in pretty familiar terms.

“Waynesboro Police Sergeant Brian Edwards said, “What was the intent of Ms. Craig for posting this? She considered the victim a romantic rival for this one individual’s affections and she said that she did it out of anger.” (source). See also (source)

Yes, there are dickless creeps (I refuse to call them “men”) out there who are behind revenge porn sites, and who distribute the crap. In fact, I’m confident saying that more than half of the perpetrators are dickless creeps. But, a pretty good chunk of them are women — exhibiting some pretty negative feminine type behavior — the whole “woman scorned” thing is a rotten stinky thing. And, just like some people exhibit really shitty behaviors, which are more likely when you have XY chromosomes, there are other really shitty behaviors that come with the ol’ XX model.

So, to answer this bubble headed “journalist”, I will say “No, No I am not surprised.” What I am surprised at is that anyone still buys this bullshit simple narrative of its “boys against the girls.”

That isn’t helpful.

And, I won’t accept the opposite either. Any commenters who say “yeah, it’s all the bitches” can go fuck themselves in advance.

Curing ignorance. It is not really in vogue, but lets give it a whirl, if you’re not too busy.

Update: This sums it up perfectly.

Screen Shot 2014-10-22 at 2.15.40 PM

(1) For those of you who don’t know what that means, Andrea Dworkin and Katherine MacKinnon are legal scholars (I use the term loosely) who are alternately credited with the idiotic statement that “all heterosexual sex is rape.” While we are trying to dispel bullshit here, lets do that in all directions. Neither Katherine MacKinnon nor Andrea Dworkin ever actually said those words. The Straight Dope has a good summary of it — here, with links.


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